EXCLUSIVE: Leaked Cuts of Rogue One Before the Reshoot!

Last week, the entire holonet was panicking over rumors that Rogue One was headed for reshoot. Today, we can share the real reason for the controversy: a key cast member is leaving the film.

According to production insiders, a mysterious cast member known only as “Larry” had a pay dispute with studio execs. Disney supposedly cut the celebrity A-lister’s salary and chose to spend it on VFX for “an orange alien with a Jamaican accent”.

Now that Larry has left Rogue One, we can finally share the original cut before Disney’s meddling.

rogue one crew posterThe Rogue crew actually get their name from a mysterious stormtrooper who goes rogue to help the fledgling Rebellion: Stormtrooper FU-1287, aka “Larry”.

rogue one tank trooper“A universe with repulsor technology and they insist on foot patrols. Can’t FUCKING wait for my turn on the tank.”

rogue one bacta tank“Dammit your highness, not again! If you keep peeping with your creepy thugs, I’m switching over to the rebels!”

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (Ben Mendelsohn) Ph: Film Frame ©Lucasfilm LFL“Our holonet transmissions were hacked by a defecting trooper. Find this rogue soldier… and kill him.”

 

rogue one death star leak“A major weapons test is imminent, but Disney ordered a retest of the weapons test. This gives us time to infiltrate it.”

“I just escaped from that fucking death ball Mon Mothma. You seriously expect me to go back?”

rogue one mon mothma“Forgery of imperial documents, possession of stolen property, aggravated assault, resisting arrest.”

“Don’t forget the prostitution and public obscenity in Nar Shadaa.”

running“Why are we (pant) running… K2?”

“Jyn skimped on the tip again.”

rogue one chirrut“Here’s the deal. First one to walk away doesn’t get a katana in the ass. Offer expires in 10 seconds.”

 jyn erso rogue one leak“Shit, it’s a dead end! I got a bad feeling about this.”

“Um… how about we surrender?”

rogue one at-act“I thought you said they were cargo trucks!”

rogue one jyn erso window“Jyn. Promise me you’ll come back.”

“I will. It’s not like Vader will show up or anything.”


Did you know:

  • Tom Hardy, Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise all auditioned for Rogue One? In the end, it was Stormtrooper Larry’s convincing performance and rugged good looks that landed the role.
  • Larry’s defection to the Alliance was caused not by his moral conscience, but by the Emperor’s habit of peeping in the Death Star’s shower room every Tuesday.
  • The original ending pitted Darth Vader against Larry, who was armed only with a nightstick, two packs of gum and a used receipt from Watto’s Emporium. Larry bought valuable time for Jyn to transmit the plans, sacrificing his life in the process.
  • Stormtrooper Larry’s identity remains a secret — he never removed his helmet on set, despite co-star Felicity Jones’ repeated attempts to get in his pants.
  • Most of these facts were written while I was stuck in a boring meeting.

We’ll release more original footage from our Rogue One insider, so stay tuned! In the meantime, check out the REAL Episode 8 photo posted by director Rian Johnson before Disney whitewashed it.

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One thought on “EXCLUSIVE: Leaked Cuts of Rogue One Before the Reshoot!”

  1. I might go see this movie only because felecity Jones is hot, but that’s about it. I’m bored with star wars , please someone make dune and just bypass battlestar galactica and while your at it starwars episode 8, 9,10, 11, 12, Rouge 2,3,4,5,6,7,8 9,10 11,12

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