While slacking off at work today, Stormtrooper Larry came across this gem; the Rogue One leak poorly rewritten by a copy bot. Either that, or a really lazy asshole replaced every word with synonyms and tried to pass it off as his own.
Look at the opening paragraph. This is probably what the original text looked like:
“Things have been mostly quiet on the Rogue One front recently for Lucasfilm. Since the first trailer was released in early April, we’ve heard scant info on new characters, the plot, or almost anything.”
And here’s how the bot rewrote it:
“Issues were strangely quiet on the Rogue One entrance in recent years for Lucasfilm. For the reason that the first trailer debuted in early April, we’ve heard little on the method of reliable phrase on the new characters, what’s to return in the tale, or nearly anything.”
From there, everything goes hilariously downhill. Here are the character descriptions:
A tender lady recruited through the Insurrection to lend a hand scouse borrow the plans to the first Dying Famous person.
Jyn may be reckless, aggressive and undisciplined … but she’s a tender lady, Mon Mothma, don’t forget that. And Dying Famous must be the Rebel codeword for the Death Star, whose plans she will
Cassian Andor (Diego Luna)
A Insurrection Alliance Captain
Where do we sign up for the Insurrection Alliance to Reinstate the Republic?
Baze (Jiang Wen)
A contract murderer
Hey now, Stormtrooper Larry’s uncle Barry was a Mandalorian assassin and part-time ethics teacher. But we never called him a “contract murderer”!
Okay-250 (Alan Tudyk)
An Imperial-elegance enforcer droid programmed to lend a hand the Rebels
So it’s not K-250 or K-2SO, it’s Okay-250. And apparently, he’s an Imperial-elegance droid… elegant like C-3PO! So that “Enforcer-class droid” was a smokescreen by Disney all along!
Bodhi (Riz Ahmed)
A Revolt soldier
Does this mean he’s with the Revolt Alliance then? A splinter group of the Insurrection?
Pao and Bistan (no showed actor information on both)
Diminutive extraterrestrial beings defined as “fierce warriors”
Wow, tiny extraterrestrials that are fierce warriors! Are they like thumb-sized ETs, but with guns?
Chirrut (Donnie Yen)
A non secular warrior
Tender ladies, Insurrectionists, shaolin monks and Okay-250 the elegance droid. A diverse group with one mission: to scouse (?) borrow the plans to the Dying Famous Person battlestation.
We don’t know about you, but we’d buy a dozen tickets to this movie!
Don’t forget to check out the real reason behind the Rogue One reshoot!