Category Archives: Star Wars stuff

Star Wars Episode 8 Leak: The Major Characters

Recently, the holonet cesspool of 4chan has alerted us to intel supposedly about Star Wars Episode VIII.

While the original thread has since been taken down, we managed to secure the Death Star plans alleged leak for your tactical analysis.

So belly up to the table and get your fill. Begun the leak war has!

WARNING: Possible spoilers ahead.


 

BenicioDelToro.jpg

Benicio del Toro: Said to be a former bounty hunter turned politician in the Republic. He survived because he was offworld during the destruction of Hosnian Prime. According to the leak, Kylo Ren will kill him off later in the movie.

Laura Dern: Take this one with a massive grain of salt, her character is one Asala Qurd. She plays the role of a Republic military officer commanding a capital ship. She reportedly butts heads with Leia Organa, including a scene where she says “The daughter of Darth Vader has no right to lecture me!”

As one of the senior surviving brass, Laura is said to take command of the Resistance after the Republic world falls and Leia gets severely wounded during the evacuation. According to a previous leak, she and Poe will then have a confrontation about their future course of action. Laura wants to hide and consolidate forces, whereas Poe wants to rescue a captured Finn and take the fight to the First Order.

Kelly Tran: Rumored to play the Resistance spy Shtala Zi, she is Leia’s contact on the relocated capital of the Republic. Shtala has evidence linking Del Toro’s character to the First Order, and Poe and Finn are tasked with making contact.

Later on, Shtala and Finn will have a romantic adventure in the city. Finn will fall for her, only to be betrayed by Shtala as she is revealed to be a double agent for the First Order.

Set-4

Anakin Skywalker: Hayden Christensen was spotted filming a night scene at Pinewood Studios. This is rumored to be the scene where Anakin talks to Luke and Rey.

Yoda: Similarly, there are reports of Yoda puppeteer Frank Oz appearing at the London studio. According to the leak, Yoda will talk to Rey alone, but as a voice instead of a Force ghost.

Captain Phasma: Shtala will lure Finn to a trap, where Phasma will be waiting. Phasma nurses a deep grudge against the former stormtrooper not only for betraying the First Order but for forcing her to deactivate the shield on Starkiller Base.

This time, she returns the favor and has Finn lower the Republic capital’s shields at gunpoint. Finn will then try to escape in the ensuing chaos, and Poe will come to his rescue.

Poe Dameron: During the First Order invasion of the Republic world, Poe will lead a ragtag assortment of fighters against the full might of the enemy fleet.

However, Poe also gets more screen time on the ground compared to his fighter jock scenes in TFA. Poe will be instrumental in cornering an aide of Del Toro who holds evidence tying the politician with the First Order. Poe will also come to Finn’s aid in a chase scene against Captain Phasma.

According to the leak, Poe will get shot at the wrist, though it’s unclear whether it will be a glancing wound or his hand will get blown off (in the Star Wars tradition of losing a limb in each episode). This gives Phasma the opportunity to capture Finn and take off.

Rey: Portrayed as being extremely gifted in the Force, she is also erratic. In one sparring scene with Luke, she almost delves into the dark side, which makes Luke hesitate to train her. The Force ghost of Anakin will supposedly make him change his mind.

Luke Skywalker: He is shown as a haunted Jedi master, not only because of the death of his students but because he nearly gave in to the dark side during the slaughter. Luke is also accompanied by a small furry animal on his exile island, which reportedly looks like a cross between “a dog, an Ewok and a lizard.”

Leia Solo: Leia will return to the Republic Senate where she will plead with the surviving leadership for war against the First Order. She and Benicio del Toro will clash because of this, since Del Toro argues they need time while Leia wants to seize the moment.

She will suffer grievous wounds during the evacuation from the Republic planet, after the First Order attempts to deal the death blow against the weakened government. Luke will sense her peril, and he will join Rey in the Falcon as they race back to the galaxy.

According to the leak, all of these intel comprises only the second act of the movie. The third act is reportedly under heavy guard tighter than a Death Star convoy.


Once again, take these reports with a healthy dose of skepticism. We did our homework by trying to verify the alleged names of Laura Dern and Kelly Tran. “Asala Qurd.com” and “Shtala Zi.com” are still available domain names, whereas “Jyn Erso.com” is already taken, so there’s that.

It may end up like the Rey debacle from last year, where Daisy Ridley’s character was supposed to be named “Kira” because of an earlier script. We’ll do our best to uncover more leaks from the Disney Empire, so make sure to subscribe to receive the latest intel!

Meanwhile, try to judge whether this supposed plot of Episode VIII is the real deal or not!

The 10 Major Surprises in Star Wars: Bloodline

One of the biggest questions of Star Wars fans is what happened during the 30-year period between Return of the Jedi and The Force Awakens.

Star Wars: Bloodline, aims to answer that. Authored by Claudia Gray, the novel focuses on Princess Leia and her role in the new government that replaced the fallen Empire.

If you want to know the backstory behind TFA, this is the right place. But if you’ve got an unfinished copy of the book, then stop reading now!

Major spoilers ahead.


Six years before The Force Awakens….

 

1. Leia has a kick-ass title

Leia finds out that someone has a holo-recording of her strangling Jabba the Hutt and uploaded it to the Holonet. This earns her the badass title “The Huttslayer” among the Nikto, many of whom worked as Jabba’s henchmen.

leia huttslayer.jpg

This is a nod to real-life events. Last year, Disney caused controversy when they planned to drop the “Slave Leia” merchandise. The massive fan outrage caused Disney to rethink the plan, while fans suggested a more gender-friendly name, “Leia the Huttslayer.”


2. Han and Leia have a long distance relationship

In the old Expanded Universe, the two got married after a tumultuous period of courtship. They eventually settled down on Coruscant, siring three Jedi babies.

In the new timeline, Han and Leia get hitched during the wild celebrations after the Rebel victory. But they also recognize they come from two different worlds. Leia continues her life as politician in the newly reorganized Senate. Meanwhile, Han continues his nomadic lifestyle in the Falcon, becoming, of all things… a space racer! Yep that’s right, Han now owns his own starship racing team.


3. Chewie retires

In the old EU, loyal sidekick Chewbacca never left Han’s side even after the Alliance victory. In fact, the smuggler duo continued their adventures right until Chewie’s death during the galactic invasion by the Yuuzhan Vong.

In Disney’s new universe, Han joins Chewie on a mission to liberate the Wookiee homeworld of Kashyyyk, which is a separate story for another time (actually the novel Aftermath: Life Debt).

After Kashyyyk is liberated, Chewie decides to retire and settles down with his family on his home planet. However, he continues to keep in touch with Han and Leia.


4. The Skywalkers find out more about their mother

With the Empire’s records now unsealed, Luke and Leia discover more details about their birth mom, Queen Amidala.

Leia in particular is enthralled by Amidala’s political life, from ruler of Naboo to member of the Galactic Senate. This inspires her to continue in galactic politics, no matter how frustrating it could be (more on that below).


5. Leia doesn’t become a Jedi

With Amidala as her inspiration, Leia decides that her calling is in the political arena. At one point someone asks her why she didn’t join Luke new Jedi academy and become a Jedi Knight. Leia answers that her life is devoted to politics rather than the Jedi way.


6. A political rival exposes their father

leia vader daughter

The Skywalker twins wisely keep mum on their real father. However, during a heated debate in the Senate, an opposition senator reveals that Leia was sired by Darth Vader.

This shocking revelation has disastrous consequences. Leia’s good reputation built over the past two decades crumbles in an instant. Even her closest colleagues drift away due to distrust and avoid the fallout, so that Leia ends up a politicial liability without any more influence in the Senate.


7. The Republic is once again divided

galactic senate.jpg

Twenty years after ROTJ, the new Republic government that replaced the Empire is once again in crisis. Just like its Clone Wars predecessor, the government is portrayed as being ineffective due to partisan infighting and bickering.

After the fall of the Empire, it is revealed that Mon Mothma became chancellor and and disarmed the Imperial machinery. A major disarmament policy saw the Alliance fleet disbanded after the signing of the Galactic Concordance. And to prevent power from being concentrated in the hands of a few, the new government was designed to be more inclusive, with the galactic capital rotating among member worlds every few years.

After Mon Mothma stepped down due to illness, two sides emerged. The Populists wish to continue her legacy of a peaceful and representative government where power is spread evenly. On the other hand, there are the Centrists, who wish for a more centralized government led by a First Senator, and a return to the stronger Republic Navy of the war years. The former see this is a possible return to tyranny, while the latter believe it will be more efficient and productive.

This political deadlock has left the Senate ineffective and mired in motions and rulings that are vetoed by the opposing side. At one point, it leads to an assassination attempt on the Populists:

Leia settled into her chair, picked up her napkin — and stopped.

Something was written on the paper streamer on her plate. Actual writing. Virtually nobody wrote any longer; it had been years since Leia had seen actual words handwritten in ink on anything but historical documents.

But today, someone had left this message on her plate, only one word long:

RUN.

Leia shoved her chair back, instantly leaping to her feet. “We have to get out of here,” she said to the startled senators at the table. “Now. Go!”

But they didn’t move, even as she dashed toward the door. Varish said, “Leia? What in the world’s —”

“Didn’t you hear me?” Damn fools who had never been in the war, who didn’t know an urgent warning when they got one. Leia held up the paper so they could see it. “Run! Everyone get up and run!”

With that, she took off, running as fast as she could, finally hearing the others stir behind her. Maybe they thought the note was only a prank, but Leia knew better. The inchoate dread that had swirled inside her all morning had solidified; this was what her feelings had been warning her about.

As they dashed through the hallways of the conference building, Leia glimpsed an alert box and swerved sideways to hit it. A robotic voice said, “No detected hazards at this — ”

“Override! Evacuation alert now!” Leia resumed running just as the warning lights began to blink and the siren’s wail sounded. Immediately people began filing out of various other rooms, mostly grumbling but at least moving toward the exits — and when they saw her, they, too, started to run. The sense of urgency built behind her like a wave cresting, preparing to crash.

Leia’s breath caught in her throat as she pushed herself harder, running full out toward the doors, so fast they almost didn’t have time to open for her. In the square beyond, security droids had begun herding people away from the building, but too many continued to mill around, staring in consternation at the scene. The others evacuating flooded through the doors behind and around her, but once they were clear of the structure, half of them stopped, remaining stupidly within range.

Within range of what? She still didn’t know. But every instinct within her told her disaster was near.

Leia didn’t stop. She kept running as hard as she could, never looking back, until . . .

Brilliant light. A roar so loud it resonated in her skull. And hot air and debris slamming into her, knocking her down, rolling her over, erasing the world.


 

8. Leia’s arch-enemy has a classic supervillain name

So who is this rival that exposed the Skywalker lineage? An upstart Senator called Ransolm Casterfo.

The young politician becomes the head of the Centrists and thinks the only real problem with the Empire was that it had the wrong Emperor. It comes as no surprise then that Casterfo has a penchant for Imperial relics like banners, armor and Palpatine’s personal stuff.


9. The First Order is born from secession

star wars first order

After the remaining Imperial fleet is defeated in The Battle of Jakku, the Imperial Remnant signs the Galactic Concordance. This sees loyalist moffs and other warlords relegated to remote sections of the Outer Rim. Despite this, there are frequent reports of Star Destroyer packs and whole fleets vanishing from these monitored regions.

The biggest blow comes when the stalemate in the Senate comes to a head. The centrists, led by Leia’s rival, announce their intention to secede from the Republic. But unlike the old Confederacy, they find a powerful partner with whom to combine their territories and fleets: the banished Imperial loyalists.

This leads us to the birth of the First Order.

But while the Centrists and Remnant join forces to threaten the Republic, we also have a new hope. Towards the end of the book, Leia accepts that the current government was no longer effective, especially after it failed to act when the Centrists seceded. And since she has lost her political allies, she resigns from the Senate and prepares for the inevitable conflict, with the help of Admiral Ackbar and disgruntled officers of the Republic.


10. Ben Solo was kept in the dark about Darth Vader

ben solo jedi.jpg

This is the biggest surprise of all: Leia never told her son Ben about his grandfather.

This is because Leia was concerned over Ben’s potential to follow in his footsteps. Throughout the novel, Han and Leia worried over their son’s growing Force powers, and how best to tell him about his lineage. Unfortunately, all that was preempted by the expose of Leia’s rival live on the Galactic Senate.

In the end, Leia leaves a tearful holomessage for her son acknowledging the truth, but it isn’t shown how Ben reacted, or even if he received the message.


 

Whew, what a whirlwind! And all these occurs just six years before The Force Awakens! It does bring up a host of questions, such as Rey’s actual age when she was dumped on Jakku.

Anyway, Star Wars: Bloodline helps flesh out the state of the Star Wars galaxy and the fate of our heroes. And it also explains the saddest thing about The Force Awakens.

Han Solo Spinoff Movie: What We Know So Far

Star Wars: Episode VIII is only halfway through the shoot, and Rogue One won’t be showing for over half a year, but the Star Wars overdrive continues.

Today, Disney released the latest regarding the Han Solo standalone movie. Here’s everything we know to date.

  1. Alden Ehrenreich landed the role

alden ehrenreich han solo.jpg

It’s confirmed: the young Han Solo will be portrayed by Alden Ehrenreich, the 26-year old actor who appeared in the 2016 comedy Hail, Caesar!.

Like Harrison Ford, the actor’s path to stardom was unconventional. Whereas Ford was a carpenter discovered by George Lucas, Ehrenreich was spotted by Steven Spielberg from a bar mitzvah video.

Ehrenreich certainly has the scruffy look and cheeky grin of the famous smuggler, beating other Han Solo hopefuls like Transformers star Jack Reynor and the Kingsman’s Taron Egerton.

han solo hopefuls.jpg

Seriously, among the Han Solo hopefuls, he looks the closest right?


2. It will have two directors

The film will be directed by Phil Lord and Christoper Miller. The duo was responsible for 21 and 22 Jump Street, and animated movies like Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs and The Lego Movie.

Despite being paired with the dream team scriptwriters Lawrence Kasdan (Empire Strikes Back) and his son Jon Kasdan, Chris Miller spoke about the intense pressure of helming the Han Solo origin story:

“It’s a huge pressure. We always try and find something that’s gonna make us… give a fire to our bellies and do a really good job. And this feels like there’s a lot of pressure to not screw this up.

So we’ve definitely got that motivation and then the rest of it is about trying to give audiences a fresh experience that doesn’t feel like you’re just trying to check off some checklist of beats that you’re expecting and make something that feels new and exciting for people, but at the same time honoring what was so great about that character.”


3. It will explain how Han met Chewie

Disney CEO Bob Iger confirmed that Chewbacca will be present. It will likely explore the backstory behind the Han and Chewie partnership, and how the Wookiee came to owe him a life debt.

In the original Expanded Universe, Han freed a Chewie from a slave ship. Then a Lieutenant in the Imperial Navy, Han was ordered by his commanding officer to skin the Wookiee. Rather than obey, he chose to be court-martialed and ended up being a smuggler, with Chewie as his co-pilot and business partner.

One day this slaver was particularly hard on one Wookiee, treating him so badly I couldn’t stand by and watch. I’d heard the phrase, ‘It’s none of your business,’ one too many times, so I took action. My good deed was rewarded.
I was court-martialed and booted from the majestic Imperial Navy. But here’s the catch. Chewbacca here was that Wookiee. And my intervention in his life, my making him my business, had established his ‘life debt’ to me. Some Wookiee custom, that. He was ready to follow me anywhere, and he did.

4. The “broom handle” is back

For Star Wars Day, director Chris Miller tweeted this treat:

That’s Han’s iconic sidearm. The DL-44 heavy blaster pistol was produced by Blastech Industries and was considered one of the most powerful sidearms in the galaxy. In real-life, it was a modified German Mauser pistol with an attached sniper scope.


5. It will be light-hearted compared to Rogue One

Whereas Rogue One is being billed as a gritty war movie, the Han Solo film will be entertaining and funny. According to Lucasfilm president Kathleen Kennedy, this is why they chose the Legofilm directors to be in charge of the movie.

“You can imagine, given who we’ve chosen to come in and direct, it should be very entertaining and funny. Han Solo is the character inside Star Warsthat everybody knows has a wit and sense of humor. So that’s what this should be.”

The film is slated for release on May 25, 2018, 41 years after Han Solo first appeared onscreen in A New Hope.


Hungry for more Star Wars movie updates? Read our frame by frame analysis of the Rogue One trailer!

Star Wars Episode 8 Leak: The First Jedi Temple

While everyone geeks out over the leaked set photos from Pinewood studios, most sites seem to miss out the most important part of the film: the first Jedi temple.

The Pinewood set is supposed to represent Luke’s island on the planet Ahch-to. However, the Jedi temple itself is being constructed in an entirely different location: the Dingle peninsula in Ireland!

episode 8 leak

Once again, our intrepid Bothan spies are on the case. Let’s take a look.

q1

From afar, it looks like a bunch of giant eggs perched on a hillside. Let’s get closer.

star wars jedi temple.jpg

It’ actually the cone-shaped buildings at the end of The Force Awakens, perched precariously on a cliff!

first jedi temple.jpg

Here we have a seaside view of the whole complex. There appears to be 8 buildings, and their primitive construction is a far cry from the grand Jedi Temple on Coruscant. Below you can see the scale of the huts compared to humans:

episode 8 jedi temple.jpg

The primitive Jedi temple is being constructed on Ceann Sibéal, a majestic hillside in Ireland’s Dingle peninsula. The location is a stand-in for the island of Skellig Michael where the original ending of TFA was filmed.

episode viii temple.jpg

The reason for the move is to due to restrictions on the original island. Skellig Michael is a UNESCO heritage site, which posed severe limitations on what Disney and Lucasfilm could do with the island.

episode 8 temple jedi.jpg

While the new location posed less challenges, Disney still had to meet several criteria set by Ireland’s Department of Arts, Heritage and the Gaeltacht, which include:

  • Filming 100m away from the protected cliff top, and for only 45 minutes per day
  • Helicopter shots can only be used for a maximum of 3 days
  • Filming crew cannot exceed 100 members
  • All sets must be completely dismantled at the end of the shoot

Locals have even been approached by Disney representatives, offering to rent their SUVs to transport cast and crew members for the duration of the shoot. The security at the site also rivals the construction of the Death Star, with barricades as far as 2 km away from the cliffside!

episode 8 ireland.jpg

It’s amazing how Luke’s lonely island in the film is actually comprised of three different locations. Stay tuned for more Star Wars insights!


Hungry for more Star Wars leaks? Then try to stay away from the supposed plot leak of Episode VIII!

 

An Analysis of the New Star Wars: Episode VIII Photos!


It is a period of uncertainty. Rebel drones, striking from a hidden van, have won their first victory against the Disney Empire.

During filming, Rebel spies managed to steal spy shots of the Empire’s new blockbuster, STAR WARS EPISODE VIII,  a movie with enough hype to rake in an entire planet’s GDP.

Pursued by Disney’s security, the drone races back to Stormtrooper Larry, custodian of the spy shots that will thrill Star Wars geeks and ignite excitement across the galaxy…


Opening shot… it’s the Millennium Falcon! The grimy ship looks clean, and appears to be resting in the same planet it landed at during the ending of The Force Awakens.

33AFAB0700000578-3567340-image-a-11_1462036604151“Chewie, stay here and watch the parking meter.”

The planet is the same (Ahch-to, Luke’s planet of exile and rumored home of the first Jedi temple), but the filming location is actually different. The crew had to recreate the island of Skellig Michael from Ireland in the backlot of London’s Pinewood studios. This is due to concerns of the crew’s impact on the UNESCO-protected island, as well as recent rockfalls that made it a hazard to film onsite.

In a zoomed out view, we can see the Jedi steps painstakingly recreated by the crew. The real island featured 618 steps carved out of the stone, which Rey climbed to meet Luke.

One new feature is a gnarly, menacing tree that looks out of place in the verdant green of Ahch-To. Could this be Episode 8’s version of the dark side cave on Dagobah?

33AFBD3800000578-0-image-a-4_1462035838102Oh, that tree? That’s where you’ll mock-battle Kylo Ren while I poke rocks around.”

Here’s a closer look at the Tree of the Dark Side:

episode 8 tree“Oh and don’t mind the smell. It’s also where I hang my dirty Jedi laundry.”

Or maybe it’s not a gnarled old tree. Luke might have burnt it when he first arrived on the island, which explains this tantalizing scene from The Force Awakens:

luke episode 7.gif

A funeral pyre tree for his dead students, then? Either way, that is one creepy-ass tree.

But that’s not all. Higher up the hillside, we see a completely different set… what looks to be the main entrance to a reinforced building, fronting a huge courtyard!

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The change is dramatic. While Ahch-to looks natural and rustic, the second set looks modern and grandiose. We’re betting it’s a completely different planet.

Our guess, is it could be either:

  • The Resistance base on D’Qar, where a mass evacuation will take place when the First Order strikes back
  • The Republic’s interim government, which was relocated to a different planet following the destruction of Hosnian Prime

We also see a bold red stripe, which was characteristic of the old Galactic Republic and the Rebel Alliance.

episode 8 senate

Those walls sure look thick. In fact, they bring to mind the German artillery emplacements in Normandy during WWII:

gun emplacement

But then again, It could just be a majestic entrance, considering those tiny steps and the scale of the walls. Could it be the new Senate building? That courtyard looks royal enough and hearkens back to Naboo.

Finally, we leave you with this shot of an unfinished set.

episode 8 unfinished set.jpg

The upper edges seem to be finished and appear to show an ancient and rundown setting. Could this be the sinister underbelly of the city where Finn and Kelly Marie Tran will have their romantic adventure?

Set-4

Did these stolen set plans whet your appetite? If you’re hungry for more, then read what COULD be the leaked plot of Star Wars Episode 8!

Disclaimer: No Bothans died to bring you this information.

Why the Star Wars Saga May be a Big, Fat LIE

Back in 2003 during the production of Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, George Lucas revealed a crazy insight: R2-D2 was actually the narrator of the entire Star Wars saga.
journal of the whills
The original story of Luke Starkiller as recounted in the Journal of the Whills

According to ol’ George:

  • The Star Wars films are actually told from Artoo’s recollection, for inclusion in the Journal of the Whills, a record of notable events that shaped galactic history.
  • Artoo relayed the events of the original trilogy and the prequels to the Keeper of the Whill, about 100 years after the Battle of Endor.

From Gizmodo:

“The entire story of Star Wars is actually being recounted to the keeper of the Journal of the Whills—remember that?—a hundred years after the events of Return of the Jedi by none other than R2-D2.”

What are the implications? If the movies are actually narrated by R2-D2, and they were recorded long after they happened, then the whole Star Wars saga as we know it may not be accurate.

Here’s why.


1. Only Artoo doesn’t have flaws

The entire saga is filled with characters who are flawed in their own way. We have Luke, the powerful but brash Jedi; Leia, the headstrong but cold Princess; and Han, the con man/smuggler with a heart of gold.

Even the supporting characters are flawed. Chewie is prone to Wookiee temper, C3P0 is a chronic worrier, Obi-Wan lied, Yoda’s belief in the Jedi dogma was inflexible, and the Emperor’s overconfidence led to his demise.

Guess who was the only character not to have ANY flaw in any of the episodes? That’s right — R2-D2. The narrator of the saga is portrayed as loyal, brave, trustworthy, staunchly independent, and even adorable for a droid. If he does have a flaw, it’s only that we can’t understand his beeps and whistles.

r2d2 girls
He also got more girls than Han and Lando combined.

2. Artoo saved everyone numerous times

Throughout the story arc, everyone gets to have a turn at saving the day.

Princess Leia saved her would-be rescuers by finding a way out of the detention level. Obi-Wan sacrificed himself to allow the Falcon to escape. Han’s intervention saved Luke twice. And of course, we have the biggest galaxy savers of the bunch, the Skywalkers. The dad-son duo is responsible for winning pod races, blowing up droid control ships, and destroying Death Stars.

Out of all the supporting cast, there is only one character who can match their record for saving the day: R2-D2.

  • Episode I: Artoo successfully repaired the Naboo royal starship’s shields, saving everyone from the Trade Federation blockade.
  • Episode II: Stopped Padme from being melted to death in the Geonosis droid factory
  • Episode III: Destroyed the buzz droids that were tearing up Anakin’s fighter
  • Episode IV: Carried the Death Star plans all the way to the Rebellion, got Luke and Obi-wan together, and saved everyone from death by trash compactor
  • Episode V: Repaired the Falcon’s sabotaged hyperdrive, allowing the ship to escape from Cloud City and the Executor fleet
  • Episode VI: Smuggled Luke’s lightsaber for the pivotal fight over the Pit of Carkoon, and unchained Leia from the dead body of Jabba the Hutt before everything exploded.
r2d2 flying
And like James Bond, he has a convenient gadget for every plot dilemma.

Other than the Skywalkers, no one else comes close to saving the day in both the Clone Wars and the Galactic Civil War. Heck, when it comes to heroics, Artoo even beats Jedi Master Yoda, who only came to the rescue twice in Episode II then got his ass kicked by Palpatine in III!

Then again, it just so happens that the entire Star Wars saga, including Artoo’s numerous heroics, are told from his point of view.


3. Artoo “died” several times, but always survived

Don’t you find it just a little suspicious that Artoo was damaged on several instances, yet he always seemed to bounce back intact?

The first was when Luke’s X-wing was hit during the Death Star dogfight. A volley from Darth Vader’s fighter hit Artoo directly on the dome — Luke even says “I’ve lost Artoo”. Yet he was back up and fully functional during the victory ceremony.

r2 death 1

The second time was in Dagobah when Artoo sank in the fetid swamp. He was eaten up by a swamp monster, and then spat back out, whole and damage-free.

r2 death 2

Finally, Artoo suffered a direct hit from stormtroopers during the Battle for Endor, causing him to short-circuit. Threepio even wailed, “Why did you have to be so brave?” And yet that very same night, Artoo was back up and running in time for the Ew0k victory party.

R2_Endor_Damage


 

So what does this mean? I’m not saying that R2-D2 is flat-out lying. I’m just saying that his recollection of events may not be all that accurate. After all, it’s been over a hundred years. And he always seemed to save the day. And he never seemed to die.

Think of the possibilities.

What if a different, unknown droid actually saved the royal starship in Episode I, but only Artoo survived to reap the glory? What if C-3PO played a deadly prank on snowtroopers during the Battle of Hoth, but Artoo omitted it out of respect for his droid buddy? And what if critical parts of the saga either didn’t happen at all or happened very differently, since Artoo wasn’t around to see them?

c3po wampa.gif
One of the many historical events that Artoo conveniently “forgot

Perhaps Boba Fett was actually a bad-ass, and Artoo just made him seem like a total wuss. Perhaps Porkins really survived, and died later of diabetes. Maybe Obi-Wan wasn’t dumb enough to trust the entire future of the Jedi to two babies, and sired some of his own. Maybe Darth Vader wasn’t really redeemed, but was killed by Luke before he faced off against the Emperor. Han actually did shoot first, and didn’t even leave a tip.

And maybe, just maybe, a certain Gungan didn’t really exist.

That’d be one of the upsides of having a dirty, lying astromech droid called R2-D2.

R2D2 drinking

Want more mind-blowing Star Wars insights? Then guess who killed Finn’s stormtrooper buddy on Jakku!

Could This Be the Entire Plot of Star Wars Episode 8?

Earlier today, our Bothan spies alerted us to a trending topic on the Holonet…. someone has supposedly obtained the script and leaked the entire plot of Star Wars Episode VIII.

This alleged leak not only has the title of Episode VIII, it also features massive plot twists bigger than a Star Destroyer.

If you really want to spoil yourself, read on.

WARNING: Once you cross this line, it will be like the dark side. There will be no going back.

Untitled

Ready?

Okay, you asked for it.


Star Wars Episode VIII:

Echoes of the Dark Side

 

  • The camera pans down on a green-brown planet, pockmarked and mottled with toxic pollution. It is eclipsed by a looming shadow, either a massive ship or an orbiting base of some kind. A lone shuttle is seen making its way to this immense construct.
  • The ship lands. General Hux disembarks, followed by a pair of stormtroopers supporting a wounded Kylo Ren. They are taken to a cavernous room bathed in shadows to see Supreme Leader Snoke. While Snoke grills Hux over the fiasco on Starkiller Base, he has only one line for Kylo, “It is time you complete your training.”
  • The camera then turns out the window. Outside, we see a massive battle fleet assembling. Scores of Star Destroyers and other capital ships are converging from all points of First Order territory to strike the final blow against the weakened Republic.
  • We pick up on the last scene in The Force Awakens. Luke takes the lightsaber, then hands it back to Rey. It is a symbolic passing of the torch, where Rey becomes the latest force wielder and Luke is the Jedi Master.
  • In a flashback, Luke reveals that Snoke was able to seduce Kylo Ren and some of the other students to the dark side. Snoke then ordered them to massacre the entire Jedi academy. Only Luke and a few others survived, including a young Rey who was subsequently dumped on Jakku to hide her from the growing First Order.
  • Rey is angry at Luke, not just for abandoning her but because she guesses that he is her father. Luke turns to her and says, “No, you are my father”.
  • It turns out that Rey is the reincarnation of Anakin Skywalker, or more specifically “the Chosen One”. Luke found that the spirit of the chosen one is reincarnated by the Force every time the universe is thrown out of balance, which apparently happens on a regular basis.
  • Luke learned all these after isolating himself from the galaxy. He searched for the first Jedi temple to understand how it works, and in the process discovered the cyclic history of the Jedi throughout the millenia. The first Jedi temple itself has the same layout as the one on Coruscant, based on these leaked photos of the set being constructed.
  • There’s another reason for Luke walking away from the galaxy: seeing the brutal death of his students nearly made him succumb to the dark side, which may have been one of Snoke’s aims. After all, if you want to get rid of the galaxy’s last Jedi, there are other ways to achieve it besides killing them.
  • The reported “space casino” scene is actually a flashback from when Luke was running from the First Order and searching for hints of the Jedi homeworld.
  • Rey was the product of a virgin birth — Luke says “you are a child of the Force”. This explains how she was able to mind-control the stormtrooper, wield a lightsaber and almost kill Kylo Ren without Jedi training.
  • Luke faces an internal struggle whether to train Rey or not. Based on what he learned of the Jedi’s history, the chosen one always struggles between the light and dark side of the Force. He is afraid that Rey could become another Darth Vader and do more damage to the galaxy than Kylo or even Snoke could ever hope to accomplish.
  • The ghosts of Yoda, Obi-wan and Anakin appear (hence why Hayden and Frank Oz were spotted filming). This makes Luke change his mind and decide to train Rey.
  • In one scene, Rey has a vision of Anakin telling her she is him, in a new life. Then we see a vision of hundreds of other Force ghosts who are heavily implied to be the past chosen ones. Rey also encounters Maz Kanata, although it is unclear if they are actually communicating by telepathy or if this is dream sequence. Maz repeats “The lightsaber chose you.”
  • On the other side of the galaxy, Finn is revived from his coma… to wailing sirens and mayhem. He wakes up just in time to witness the First Order strike back on D’Qar. Following the destruction of Starkiller Base, Snoke dispatched a considerable fleet to wreak vengeance on the Resistance base. As he is hustled off one of the last transports from the planet, an exasperated Finn asks, “Why is it that we’re always running from something?” Poe quips “To stay alive, buddy!”
  • Onboard a cruiser, Finn and Poe receive their new orders: Accompany General Leia Organa to the Republic’s new seat of government and bolster their plea for war against the First Order. We are then introduced to Laura Dern’s character, a Resistance officer who is distrustful of Finn. Poe staunchly defends his friend, and we see the friction between Poe the intrepid pilot and Laura the straight-rule officer.
  • The Republic’s temporary government has relocated to an old city (which is why the crew filmed in Dubrovnik, Croatia). The elegant but sinister city echoes Bespin’s Cloud City in The Empire Strikes Back.
  • The Republic is in turmoil, and Lord Vikram (played by Benicio Del Toro) is the interim leader. It is implied that he isn’t the best choice as leader, and only got promoted because he happened to be offworld during the capital’s destruction. There is a memorial service of sorts for all of the victims (which includes much of the Republic leadership) who were killed in the Hosnian system.

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  • During the ceremony, we also see an honor guard taken from Ralph McQuarrie’s Royal Guards concept from the OT:

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  • Leia pushes for war while Vikram argues they need more time. The Hosnian system’s annihilation disrupted galactic communications, and they aren’t able to contact the majority of the Republic. Ships have already been dispatched to the rest of the galaxy, and they anxiously await the response of the member worlds.
  • Vikram wants to wait for communications to be restored and for an army to be assembled, which will take time. Leia disagrees and wants to take the war to the First Order now while they are still reeling from the destruction of Starkiller Base. Both argue their case before the Senate, or what remains of it.
  • Vikram effectively shuts Leia down by telling her she’s letting her personal emotions over Han’s death rule her need for revenge. The Senate is swayed by his argument.
  • After the stormy scene, Finn and Poe are tasked by Leia to poke around the city. One of Leia’s contacts says the First Order have spies embedded in the upper reaches of the Republic, and Leia strongly suspects it to be Vikram.
  • Leia’s contact turns out to be Chala (played by Kelly Marie Tran). She tags along with the Finn/Poe bro-ship, and Finn quickly warms on to her.
  • One of the subplots has Finn and Chala having a flirty adventure in the underbelly of the urban planet. This develops the relationship between the two, and it’s probably where the that alien horse in the Dubrovnik filming fits in.

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  • Afterwards, Poe, Finn and Chala corner an aide of Vikram, who has evidence of contact between Vikram and the First Order.
  • Leia and the Resistance confront Vikram. Vikram denies everything, and Leia orders him jailed for treason. The Republic leadership is stunned — Leia has effectively carried out a coup. She orders the system to prepare for war.
  • Poe suits up for battle, while Finn is put in charge of planetary defense due to his knowledge of First Order offensive doctrine. He is also entrusted with the shield codes.
  • Before the impending battle, Finn and Chala have a tender moment alone. Finn wonders why Vikram didn’t just lower the shields for the First Order, since he was the Republic’s temporary leader. They walk into a room and suddenly we see Captain Phasma! Chala then pulls a gun on Finn, subdues him and takes the shield codes.
  • It was Chala who was the First Order spy all along. She planted the evidence incriminating Vikram, and used Finn to get the codes. To add insult to injury, Chala tells him what she really think of Finn: that’s he’s a sickening traitor. And if that wasn’t bad enough, Captain Phasma steps in to ruin Finn’s day even more. She returns Finn’s favor from TFA and makes him lower the shields.
  • The shield is deactivated just as a massive First Order fleet jumps out of hyperspace. Laura takes the opportunity to swipe at Finn’s distrustful character, while Poe says Finn wouldn’t have done it unless he was under duress. Their exchange is cut short as the orbital bombardment begins. Poe runs with the other pilots to their ships.
  • The entire planet is thrown into chaos — it is a full-scale invasion. The Republic only has a token fleet to defend the planet, since most of the armada was wiped out on Hosnian Prime. Meanwhile, the First Order brought along its entire weight. While the capital ships slug it out, a motley assortment of starfighters led by Poe defend the planet and the ensuing evacuation. This is where the X-wing and the modified A-wing from Pinewood studios come in.
  • In a montage of brutal battles in space, over the city and on the ground, the Republic defenders struggle against the full might of the First Order. Kylo Ren lands on the city and goes to Vikram’s holding cell. Kylo asks him for Leia’s location, and Vikram replies saying that while he hates Leia, he respects her and cannot believe she sired a monster like Kylo Ren. Kylo decapitates him in response.
  • While all hell breaks loose, Finn tries to escape from Captain Phasma and Chala. In the ensuing chase scene, Phasma taunts Finn, calling FN-2187 a traitor to the First Order and a disgrace to the Resistance. He replies “My name is FINN!” and lunges at Phasma. However, he is no match for her. Phasma knocks him out just as First Order troopers arrive, and Finn is taken into custody.
  • What is left of the Republic and the Resistance crumble under the assault and flee the planet. Leia is able to escape, however she ends up gravely wounded. Command of the Resistance then falls to Laura Dern. The remainder of the fleet, a ragtag group of battle-worn cruisers, scorched corvettes and snubfighters, retreat from the battle and jump to hyperspace.
  • In the aftermath, Laura tells the assembled fighters that they are effectively the last of the Resistance. She then butts heads with Poe on their course of action, which leads to a tense standoff. Laura wants to hunker down and consolidate forces for the long term. Poe wishes to rescue Finn and take the fight to the First Order, as Leia had intended.
  • Having failed to capture Leia and draw Luke out of hiding, Snoke falls on a backup plan. Finn is taken before Kylo Ren, who starts to torture him knowing that it will be felt by Rey.
  • Across the galaxy, Rey feels Finn’s distress. Just like ESB, she says she needs to go and rescue her friend. Luke had also felt Leia’s peril through the Force. He tells Rey she isn’t ready yet, and how he abandoned his training with Yoda and rushed into a trap to save his own friends.
  • Luke then says he isn’t Yoda, and he has his own way of doing things. Instead of remaining behind, he goes along with Rey to help.

Spoilers end

Holy nerf herder! We’re still reeling from the (possible) revelation that Rey is Anakin reincarnate! And even if all these isn’t true, that (possible) ending is enough to make us excited for Episode IX!

What do you think of this (supposed) leak? Does it really “echo with the Force”, or is it as hollow as a Gamorrean’s brain? I guess we won’t find out until December 2017!

If you can’t wait until then for more Star Wars action, then read this short story why FN-2187, Finn, has a conscience.

The Rogue One AT-AT is Actually An Entirely New Version

Setting: a humid tropical planet.

Amid the swaying trees, Jyn Erso and her band of misfits have just blown up an Imperial landing craft. Dozens of stormtroopers lie dead, while their black-clad deathtrooper comrades race to the scene. The rebels fight back, and a firefight erupts.

And then…. walkers! The famous All-Terrain Armored Transport makes its first appearance in the Rogue One trailer.

But these are NOT your grandpa’s AT-ATs.

Take a closer look.

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Notice anything different? I’m not talking about the hilarious olive drab camouflage (as if the walking behemoths would blend with the trees).

The head (or cockpit) is actually different, and it lacks the massive chin cannons seen in Empire Strikes Back.

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One of the walking artillery pieces turns right toward the camera and fires a devastating barrage against Jyn and her hapless crew. This allows us a full-frontal look at the slight variations from the 1983 version.

Here’s the head-on view:

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And here it is side-by-side with its predecessor. Or in the Star Wars timeline, its successor:

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The ESB version seems to be a more heavily armored and up-gunned walker, which would make sense. Perhaps what we’re seeing in Rogue One is the older model.

In the real world, it would be like the M1A1 version of the Abrams tank from the first Gulf War, and the M1A2 version in the 2003 invasion of Iraq. The hardware may look the same, but there’s a lot of subtle exterior changes (and much more on the interior) that is easily missed by the casual observer.

Our Bothan spies actually noticed this during our frame-by-frame lowdown of the Rogue One trailer. But we were just too lazy to note it at the time.

If you’re itching for more AT-AT action, here’s the GIF from that glorious scene.

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UPDATE: We received a number of comments claiming the Rogue One AT-AT is similar to the one from the Star Wars Rebels animated series. It’s not. Here’s a comparison of all three versions:

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We also have this interesting tweet from Lucasfilm’s Pablo Hidalgo:

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Want more mind-blowing Star Wars facts? Check out The Terrible Truth About Poe Dameron!

5 Alternative Theories for C3PO’s Red Arm

So now we finally know why C3Po has a red arm in The Force Awakens. Without giving too much away, let’s just say he’s wearing it as some sort of remembrance to a droid who helped him.

Except I’m not buying it.

Sure, Omri the Imperial droid is cute, and the ending is bittersweet. But I still prefer my own theories as to how Threepio ended up with a red arm.

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1. Never upset a Wookiee

During the celebrations on Endor, Threepio got drunk on WD-40. Unfortunately, this also made him forget that Wookiees don’t like losing, and he wins one too many games of dejarik against Chewie.

Since Threepio is officially a hero, the rebels scavenged poor C3K0 to repair him. The red arm went to Threepio, while the rest was given to the Ewoks as their new deity.

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2. Death sticks

Luke’s new Jedi Academy was going well, until one student went rogue.

A promising padawan named Elan Sleazebaggano Jr. went back to his former life as a deathstick dealer. Pretty soon, all of the Jedi were addicted.

It turned Leia into a crack whore (causing their divorce), made Ben Solo turn to the dark side, and turned Luke into a hobo. As for droids, it either caused them to hibernate for years, or have a permanent red arm.

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3. Shitty camouflage

During a covert mission in First Order territory, Threepio was given a new paintjob to cover up his distinctive gold shine. Unfortunately it backfired after he was mistaken for a different droid and caught the attention of a human dressed as a flag and an alien that shrinks to the size of an ant.

After completing the mission, the victorious Resistance did a sloppy job removing the paint since it was happy hour and holy shit Princess Leia’s doing a drunk striptease forget this fucking droid!

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4. Honest mistake

It’s lonely in the Resistance base, and Threepio mistook a can of varnish for lube. Who hasn’t made that mistake, right?

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5. Disney just ran out of gold paint during filming

Do we really need to over-analyze everything?

 

The Horrifying Truth About Poe Dameron Nobody Seems to Notice

The sublight engines cease their hum. Onboard, the white-armored occupants steel themselves for combat, as the gunner on top begins blasting away at unseen targets.

The ramp drops. Fires. Shouting. Brilliant beams of energy crisscrossing through the night. Moving as one, the stormtroopers rush out of the transport and charge straight into the frenzy.

A hundred meters away, a lone Resistance pilot abandons his damaged T-70. Grabbing a worn blaster from his survival pack, he takes aim on the nearest white-clad figure and starts shooting back.

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His first shot is dead on target. Down goes a trooper.

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Determined to give his BB-8 unit a running start, the pilot fires again.

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This ace pilot is just as deadly on solid ground as he is in space combat. Before the second trooper can even react to his fallen comrade, he too is hit with a fatal blast.

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As his crippled fighter burns in the background, the pilot slightly shifts his aim to the right and trains the sight on a new target.

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His third shot catches a running figure full on in the chest plate.

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As the target slumps to the ground, his buddy runs to check on the mortally wounded stormtrooper.

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But it’s too late. As he lays dying, the stricken trooper reaches out to his friend with a bloodied hand. Shuddering, he lets out one final gasp and lays still.

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The surviving trooper panics. Numb with shell shock and stained by blood, he stumbles around the battlefield. Within minutes of his first combat deployment, he has seen innocent villagers shot, houses torched, and his friend killed.

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Later on, the Resistance pilot will be captured, and the traumatized stormtrooper will help him pull off a daring escape. Their shared hardship will lead to an unlikely friendship.

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The stormtrooper will never know that the pilot he helped escape was the one who killed his friend. Meanwhile, the pilot will never realize that among the faceless troopers he shot was the the stormtrooper’s bestfriend.

If you think this is some kind of insane fan theory, here’s the full GIF of the scene:

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According to Wookieepedia, the hapless stormtrooper was FN-2003, aka “Slip”. He was the weakest link in Finn’s squad, so that Finn was always bailing his clumsy stormtrooper butt out of trouble:

During a First Order raid on a sacred village on the planet Jakku, Slip was hit by blaster fire from Poe Dameron. FN-2187 went to help his squadmate, but FN-2003’s wound proved fatal, Slip wiping his bloody hand on FN-2187’s helmet before dying. His sudden and violent death contributed to FN-2187’s decision to escape from First Order service.

And so kids, that is why The Force Awakens is the darkest Star Wars movie yet.

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UPDATE: Be sure to check out the alternate universe version! What if Poe hit Finn instead?