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Rogue One Trailer 2 Description!

Update: A secretly recorded footage of the trailer has been uploaded at the end. Watch it before Disney contacts us with a DMCA request!

It’s Star Wars Celebration! As expected, the second trailer for Rogue One has debuted, but only for attendees of the event.

Our Bothan spy “Stormtrooper Harry” happens to be in London, and was able to witness the exclusive 1-minute trailer. Here’s the description for all you freeloaders.

Enjoy!


The screen opens up with a glowing technical readout of some kind. The crowd cheers.

Next we see a little girl, young Jyn Erso, running around a green landscape. She looks up as a black shuttle, Director Krennic’s personal shuttle, roars overhead.

The scene shifts to the grown Jyn Erso, running again, this time in a chaotic tropical battlefield (likely the planet Scarif). In the background we see Cassian Andor and other rebel soldiers running alongside as explosions sprout all around.

Cue Jyn’s voice over: “There isn’t much time. Every day we grow weaker.”

Cut to captured Rebel pilots in their orange jumpsuits, being marched down an alley with hands on their heads. Captain Andor in disguise observes the prisoner march.

“While the day grows grimmer…”

Grim Death Troopers stride over the verdant landscape of Jyn’s childhood. Then the familiar close-up of a black trooper as something burns in the background, perhaps the Erso home.

Next, Mon Mothma and the rebellion high command looking up from the planning table in Yavin IV. Then black-clad troopers running through a jungle.

Back to Jyn: “We still have a chance. To make a real difference.” 

Quick shots in succession:

Regular stormtroopers wading through the idyllic surf on Scarif.

A couple of Imperial technicans, seated at what looks to be the Death Star’s firing control panel.

Director Krennic in his familiar pose on the Death Star’s bridge.

A ship flying through a desert canyon.

A huge four-winged shuttle folding its wings and coming in for a landing in a downtown alley, as a massive Star Destroyer looms overhead.

One of the Rogue One aliens cocking a blaster on Scarif, preparing for battle.

Then familiar scenes from the first trailer:

The four-winged shuttle blowing up.

Director Krennic striding through the water laden with dead bodies.

The hooded figure kneeling.

A bunch of stormtroopers and tank troopers running.

Baze fleeing from an explosion.

Jyn looking at the hovertank patrol.

Rebel soldiers trading fire with Death troopers.

A closeup of Chirrut, followed by the stick asskicking he gives to stormtroopers.

The Death Star superlaser dish being locked in place amid a flotilla of Star Destroyers.

Then a silence. A pause.

A blood-red technical readout is reflected off a gleaming floor. Standing in the middle is a foreboding figure, the Dark Lord of the Sith himself, as a familar breathing rasp fills the room.

The crowd erupts.

Title card: Rogue One. December.


Update:

Someone took a sly recording of the trailer itself! To shield us from the evil Disney Empire, watch it from a third-party site.

Stay tuned as we bring you more news from Star Wars Celebration!

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Rogue One: Analyzing the New Characters from the EW Reveal

A few hours ago there was a disturbance in the Force, as if millions of fans cried out in surprise. That’s because Entertainment Weekly has just released the shizz about Rogue One!

Since everybody’s already posting about the new characters, we’ll avoid rehashing the same content. Instead, let’s analyze the new characters and what they mean for the movie.

Jyn Erso

rogue one jyn erso window

According to Lucasfilm president Kathleen Kennedy, “she has been detained [by the Rebellion] and is being given an opportunity to be useful. And by being useful, it may commute her sentence…

Remember the KeepR1Dark leakKeepR1Dark leak? That mysterious poster, though debunked, claimed that Jyn was caught shipjacking by the Rebellion:

Our hero Jyn Erso is caught trying to steal a rebel fighter and is taken into custody. When her background is revealed she’s given the choice of going on a mission to the planet to see what kind of weapons are being tested or being turned over to bounty hunters to be turned into the Empire for the substantial price on her head.

Saw Gerrera

saw gerrera rogue one.jpg

Along with his sister, Steela, he fought alongside Darth Vader — back when the Sith lord was just an impetuous young Jedi named Anakin Skywalker. In the episode A War on Two Fronts, which aired in October 2012, Saw and Steela were part of an insurgent group being unofficially trained by Anakin, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and the padawan Ahsoka Tano. 

  • As always, the excellent folks at MakingStarWars got good set intel… the production crew nicknamed him “Castro” probably in reference to Che Gueverra, from where “Saw Gerrera” may have come from
  • Why is his appearance different? Our guess is the trailer was a flashback, when a young rebellious Jyn may have bumped into him (If you keep fighting, what will you become?) Later on we see the older, slightly unhinged Gerrera… who’s fighting his own war independent of the Rebellion.

Director Orson Krennic

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (Ben Mendelsohn) Ph: Film Frame ©Lucasfilm LFLOn the opposing side, this villain is an ambitious Imperial apparatchik who intends to use his squad of Deathtroopers to pulverize the Rebel uprising and ascend into the Emperor’s graces – while hopefully avoiding the wrath of his enforcer, Darth Vader.

The Rogue One Visual Story guide leak was right… the only thing it lacked was Krennic’s first name. At this point however, it’s still not clear exactly what he is Director of. The title is commonly used for government institutions (like the FBI and CIA), and not the military.

It also quashes any EU wishes of him being an analogue of Grand Admiral Thrawn, though he may have the same tactical brilliance.

Galen Erso

Jyn’s estranged father is like the galactic version of nuclear pioneer J. Robert Oppenheimer, with doomsday knowledge that is sought by both the Empire and the Rebellion. “He’s one of those people that has insight into you know specific aspects of just how the universe works,” says Hart. Where has Galen been, if Jyn has been on her own for years? “The circumstances of how the family got to the state that it’s in is something that we probably don’t want to share right now,”

  • Doomsday knowledge is clearly a reference to the Death Star. This reinforces the rumors that Mad Mikkelsen is a weapons designer who refined the original Geonosian blueprint and made the Death Star possible.
  • It’s also funny how Mikkelsen outed his character when he signed that “Galen” autograph way back in September 2015.
  • Out of all the major characters revealed in EW, only Galen didn’t have a photo. It’s possible his appearance may be disheveled and deranged after many years in Imperial custody. He could also be the hooded figure in the trailer.

 

Chirrut and Baze

Not to be cynical assholes, but our two Asian characters don’t just represent galactic diversity —  they’re a shrewd move on Disney’s part to make the Star Wars brand a cultural phenomenon in China, where it’s much less known compared to the rest of the world.

K-2SO

rogue one k2so

Told ya :p

 

Entertainment Weekly

Finally, why was EW the exclusive publication to reveal the characters? It’s because the magazine carried Disney’s propaganda regarding the Rogue One reshoots last June 3.

Remember how EW released Disney’s spin that:

  • The new scenes were for character development, “mostly talking in cockpits”
  • There is no “toning down”of action scenes, contrary to fan fears

The funny thing is, Lucasfilm hired a noted James Bond stunt coordinator right after that. You don’t hire guys like those for quiet “character building” scenes in cockpits.

So it seems Entertainment Weekly finally got their reward after helping Disney with damage control.

The Rogue One Leak as Written by a Spambot

While slacking off at work today, Stormtrooper Larry came across this gem; the Rogue One leak poorly rewritten by a copy bot. Either that, or a really lazy asshole replaced every word with synonyms and tried to pass it off as his own.

Look at the opening paragraph. This is probably what the original text looked like:

“Things have been mostly quiet on the Rogue One front recently for Lucasfilm. Since the first trailer was released in early April, we’ve heard scant info on new characters, the plot, or almost anything.”

And here’s how the bot rewrote it:

Issues were strangely quiet on the Rogue One entrance in recent years for Lucasfilm. For the reason that the first trailer debuted in early April, we’ve heard little on the method of reliable phrase on the new characters, what’s to return in the tale, or nearly anything.”

From there, everything goes hilariously downhill. Here are the character descriptions:

Jyn Erso

A tender lady recruited through the Insurrection to lend a hand scouse borrow the plans to the first Dying Famous person.

Jyn may be reckless, aggressive and undisciplined … but she’s a tender lady, Mon Mothma, don’t forget that. And Dying Famous must be the Rebel codeword for the Death Star, whose plans she will steal borrow!

Cassian Andor (Diego Luna)

A Insurrection Alliance Captain

Where do we sign up for the Insurrection Alliance to Reinstate the Republic?

rebel-alliance-790x494.jpg

Baze (Jiang Wen)

A contract murderer

Hey now, Stormtrooper Larry’s uncle Barry was a Mandalorian assassin and part-time ethics teacher. But we never called him a “contract murderer”!

Okay-250 (Alan Tudyk)

An Imperial-elegance enforcer droid programmed to lend a hand the Rebels

So it’s not K-250 or K-2SO, it’s Okay-250. And apparently, he’s an Imperial-elegance droid… elegant like C-3PO! So that “Enforcer-class droid” was a smokescreen by Disney all along!

Bodhi (Riz Ahmed)

A Revolt soldier

Does this mean he’s with the Revolt Alliance then? A splinter group of the Insurrection?

Pao and Bistan (no showed actor information on both)

Diminutive extraterrestrial beings defined as “fierce warriors”

Wow, tiny extraterrestrials that are fierce warriors! Are they like thumb-sized ETs, but with guns?

And finally,

Chirrut (Donnie Yen)

A non secular warrior

Like this?

shaolin-monks-1.jpg

Tender ladies, Insurrectionists, shaolin monks and Okay-250 the elegance droid. A diverse group with one mission: to scouse (?) borrow the plans to the Dying Famous Person battlestation.

We don’t know about you, but we’d buy a dozen tickets to this movie!

rogue one parody.jpg

Don’t forget to check out the real reason behind the Rogue One reshoot!

EXCLUSIVE: Leaked Cuts of Rogue One Before the Reshoot!

Last week, the entire holonet was panicking over rumors that Rogue One was headed for reshoot. Today, we can share the real reason for the controversy: a key cast member is leaving the film.

According to production insiders, a mysterious cast member known only as “Larry” had a pay dispute with studio execs. Disney supposedly cut the celebrity A-lister’s salary and chose to spend it on VFX for “an orange alien with a Jamaican accent”.

Now that Larry has left Rogue One, we can finally share the original cut before Disney’s meddling.

rogue one crew posterThe Rogue crew actually get their name from a mysterious stormtrooper who goes rogue to help the fledgling Rebellion: Stormtrooper FU-1287, aka “Larry”.

rogue one tank trooper“A universe with repulsor technology and they insist on foot patrols. Can’t FUCKING wait for my turn on the tank.”

rogue one bacta tank“Dammit your highness, not again! If you keep peeping with your creepy thugs, I’m switching over to the rebels!”

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (Ben Mendelsohn) Ph: Film Frame ©Lucasfilm LFL“Our holonet transmissions were hacked by a defecting trooper. Find this rogue soldier… and kill him.”

 

rogue one death star leak“A major weapons test is imminent, but Disney ordered a retest of the weapons test. This gives us time to infiltrate it.”

“I just escaped from that fucking death ball Mon Mothma. You seriously expect me to go back?”

rogue one mon mothma“Forgery of imperial documents, possession of stolen property, aggravated assault, resisting arrest.”

“Don’t forget the prostitution and public obscenity in Nar Shadaa.”

running“Why are we (pant) running… K2?”

“Jyn skimped on the tip again.”

rogue one chirrut“Here’s the deal. First one to walk away doesn’t get a katana in the ass. Offer expires in 10 seconds.”

 jyn erso rogue one leak“Shit, it’s a dead end! I got a bad feeling about this.”

“Um… how about we surrender?”

rogue one at-act“I thought you said they were cargo trucks!”

rogue one jyn erso window“Jyn. Promise me you’ll come back.”

“I will. It’s not like Vader will show up or anything.”


Did you know:

  • Tom Hardy, Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise all auditioned for Rogue One? In the end, it was Stormtrooper Larry’s convincing performance and rugged good looks that landed the role.
  • Larry’s defection to the Alliance was caused not by his moral conscience, but by the Emperor’s habit of peeping in the Death Star’s shower room every Tuesday.
  • The original ending pitted Darth Vader against Larry, who was armed only with a nightstick, two packs of gum and a used receipt from Watto’s Emporium. Larry bought valuable time for Jyn to transmit the plans, sacrificing his life in the process.
  • Stormtrooper Larry’s identity remains a secret — he never removed his helmet on set, despite co-star Felicity Jones’ repeated attempts to get in his pants.
  • Most of these facts were written while I was stuck in a boring meeting.

We’ll release more original footage from our Rogue One insider, so stay tuned! In the meantime, check out the REAL Episode 8 photo posted by director Rian Johnson before Disney whitewashed it.

Massive Star Wars: Rogue One LEAK!

While the holonet has been full of Star Wars Episode VIII leaks, things have been suspiciously quiet regarding Rogue One.

Stormtrooper Larry is happy to change that today with this massive data dump —  the Death Star battle plans  full intel on Rogue One!

The intel comes from Edelweiss, a digital catalog used by booksellers and publishers. Someone, (an intrepid Bothan spy), uploaded the scanned content from an upcoming coffeetable book called Rogue One: The Official Visual Story Guide.

Not only does it include the full names of Jyn Erso’s rogue crew, it gives us the name of Ben Mendelssohn’s cloak-clad villain, as well as info on the Death Troopers, two new starfighters, and the predecessor of the AT-ACT.

For what it’s worth, the scans are marked not final. So proceed at your own risk. And as always, SPOILERS AHEAD!


rogue one leak

  1. The rogue band of resistance fighters

  • Jyn Erso
  • Rebel Alliance Captain Cassian Andor
  • Rebel footsoldier Bodhi
  • Freelance assassin Baze
  • The “spiritual warrior” Chirrut
  • The aliens Pao and Bistan
  • K-2S0, an Enforcer droid designed by the Empire but now under Rebel service

rogue one leak1

2. Their Imperial foes

  • Ben Mendelssohn’s fancy-cloaked character is named Director Krennic
  • The black-clad troopers are confirmed to be Death Troopers, not Shadow Troopers
  • Notice how the text repeats itself, possibly as filler for the actual content to follow

rogue one leak director krennic

3. Two new starfighters

  • The U-Wing is a four-engined Rebel Alliance ship equipped with two laser cannons and two forward-facing S-foils that give it its name

rogue one leak rebel fighter

  • The TIE Striker sports high-speed wings that enable it to reach speeds of 1,500kph (the normal TIE fighter has a maximum atmospheric speed of 1,200kph according to Wookieepedia).

rogue one tie striker

4. The AT-AT’s predecessor

  • We noticed how the AT-ATs in the trailer differed from their ESB cousins. Pablo Hidalgo confirmed that they are “not technically AT-ATs”. That’s because they are AT-ACTs! Could they be All-Terrain Armored Combat Transports?
  • While we don’t have photos, the text also confirms the existence of AT-DPs (All Terrain Defence Pods), which are two-legged, two-man platforms used for patrol and scouting missions.

rogue one at-act

5. The new droid

  • Look sir, droid! K-2S0 is a former Security Droid. He has the same “donut and two bars” back design as regular stormtroopers, but seems to have been reprogrammed by the Rebels. He will likely play a key role in infiltrating the Imperial base and letting our heroes in.

rogue one k-250 enforcer

6. More glorious spreads

  • Just for the heck of it, here are some more gorgeous photos that don’t tell us much. Although we do wonder what the T-70 X-wing from The Force Awakens is doing here.

rogue one leak xwing

That new Hasbro playset  Imperial hovertank from the trailer

rogue one tank leak

The big mamajama itself, the Death Star

rogue one leak death star

And finally, a group photo of the whole shebang.

rogue one leak cast

The source itself, Rogue One: The Official Visual Story Guide, will be released on Jan. 24, 2017. This is why the leak is full of filler text and “Not Final” disclaimers. The final book will be 164 pages long and cost around $25.

Enjoy your Rogue One leak bonanza! Disney has promised we’ll hear more during Star Wars Celebration Europe in July, but for now it seems our Bothan spies have pre-empted the Disney Empire!

UPDATEDisney has asked several sites to take down the leak, calling it “unauthorized and incorrect“.


Can’t wait for the movies? In the meantime, check out this hilarious story how Ben Solo fell to the dark side!