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Rogue One Trailer 2 Description!

Update: A secretly recorded footage of the trailer has been uploaded at the end. Watch it before Disney contacts us with a DMCA request!

It’s Star Wars Celebration! As expected, the second trailer for Rogue One has debuted, but only for attendees of the event.

Our Bothan spy “Stormtrooper Harry” happens to be in London, and was able to witness the exclusive 1-minute trailer. Here’s the description for all you freeloaders.

Enjoy!


The screen opens up with a glowing technical readout of some kind. The crowd cheers.

Next we see a little girl, young Jyn Erso, running around a green landscape. She looks up as a black shuttle, Director Krennic’s personal shuttle, roars overhead.

The scene shifts to the grown Jyn Erso, running again, this time in a chaotic tropical battlefield (likely the planet Scarif). In the background we see Cassian Andor and other rebel soldiers running alongside as explosions sprout all around.

Cue Jyn’s voice over: “There isn’t much time. Every day we grow weaker.”

Cut to captured Rebel pilots in their orange jumpsuits, being marched down an alley with hands on their heads. Captain Andor in disguise observes the prisoner march.

“While the day grows grimmer…”

Grim Death Troopers stride over the verdant landscape of Jyn’s childhood. Then the familiar close-up of a black trooper as something burns in the background, perhaps the Erso home.

Next, Mon Mothma and the rebellion high command looking up from the planning table in Yavin IV. Then black-clad troopers running through a jungle.

Back to Jyn: “We still have a chance. To make a real difference.” 

Quick shots in succession:

Regular stormtroopers wading through the idyllic surf on Scarif.

A couple of Imperial technicans, seated at what looks to be the Death Star’s firing control panel.

Director Krennic in his familiar pose on the Death Star’s bridge.

A ship flying through a desert canyon.

A huge four-winged shuttle folding its wings and coming in for a landing in a downtown alley, as a massive Star Destroyer looms overhead.

One of the Rogue One aliens cocking a blaster on Scarif, preparing for battle.

Then familiar scenes from the first trailer:

The four-winged shuttle blowing up.

Director Krennic striding through the water laden with dead bodies.

The hooded figure kneeling.

A bunch of stormtroopers and tank troopers running.

Baze fleeing from an explosion.

Jyn looking at the hovertank patrol.

Rebel soldiers trading fire with Death troopers.

A closeup of Chirrut, followed by the stick asskicking he gives to stormtroopers.

The Death Star superlaser dish being locked in place amid a flotilla of Star Destroyers.

Then a silence. A pause.

A blood-red technical readout is reflected off a gleaming floor. Standing in the middle is a foreboding figure, the Dark Lord of the Sith himself, as a familar breathing rasp fills the room.

The crowd erupts.

Title card: Rogue One. December.


Update:

Someone took a sly recording of the trailer itself! To shield us from the evil Disney Empire, watch it from a third-party site.

Stay tuned as we bring you more news from Star Wars Celebration!

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Rogue One: Photoshopped Visual Guide Leak!

We have less than 24 hours before Star Wars Celebration and the next trailer for Rogue One!

So before the new trailer drops, it’s time we revealed exclusive Rogue One leaks from the official visual guide book, courtesy of Stormtrooper Larry!

rogue one cover.jpg

Click to expand the images. Enjoy!


The plot

rogue one larry.jpg

Between the ragtag Rebellion and the tyrannical Galactic Empire stands a mysterious figure known only as “Stormtrooper Larry”.

While his ultimate allegiance is unknown, one thing is certain. The mysterious person behind the helmet has incredibly good looks more devastating than the Death Star’s superlaser.

The villains

rogue one villains.jpg

As expected, it’s a bunch of people who loves masks and dress in either black or white. They also speak with a stiff British upper lip.

The sole exception is a mysterious Gungan with an annoying high-pitched Jamaican accent. Rumor is this secret apprentice of Darth Vader is even higher up than Director Krennic, and personally designed the Death Star’s exhaust port.

A new Imperial Walker

rogue-one-at-act.jpg

Who cares about a boring cargo carrier? Check out the Emperor’s personal walker, the ACH-OUCH.

This 2-ton monstrosity is both too heavy and too cumbersome for practical use. In fact, it takes full mastery of the dark side just to lift the damn thing, and it’s the reason why Palpatine became a stooped geezer.

But the Emperor can’t be seen using just any old walker. It can only be the Imperial Walker.

The U-wing

uwing.jpg

Before the Rebellion got their fancy Incom X-wings and Y-wings, they had to make do with cheap-ass starfighters. The U-wing is actually short for “Yugo-Wing”. Mon Mothma acquired a dozen of the shitty econo-boxes from Watto’s Used Ship Lot (as-is, no warranty).

The TIE Wheelchair

rogue-one-tie-striker.jpg

Not to be outdone by the Rebellion, the Imperial Navy fielded an ever shittier starfighter. The TIE Wheelchair was assigned to whiny TIE pilots who complained about the lack of shields, life support and peripheral awareness in the regular TIE fighter.

TIE Wheelchair pilots had a 400% combat mortality rate. They were unable to take part in the Battle of Yavin after the whole corps was depleted in Rogue One.

The Imperial hovertank

rogue one hover tank.jpg

We don’t know yet if it’s really a tank or the Imperial version of a Humvee. But damn, that is one weird-looking tank trooper.

And yet, it’s still better than those idiotic Shoretroopers.

Rogue One Photoshop Bonanza!

This week, Entertainment Weekly released a bunch of exclusive photos on Rogue One, as a reward for kowtowing to Disney.

While we loved the new images, they lacked a certain sophistication. Which is why we at Stormtrooper Larry took it upon ourselves to improve the Rogue One spread.

You’re welcome, EW!

Death troopers

rockstar

Did you know that the dreaded Death Troopers are NOT what they are? They’re actually the galaxy’s most famous heavy metal band! Don’t believe the Rebel propaganda, Death Troopers rock!

In fact here they are doing a shoot for Star Wars Super Soakers:

rogue one death troopers beach leak funny

And a holozine spread for Good Housekeeping’s Summer Catalog 2016:

rogue one deathtrooper stormtrooper doll leak funny

Support the Death Troopers, buy their album today!

Stormtroopers

This is the real reason for the Rogue One reshoot: it ain’t a Disney film without a song and dance number.

rogue one stormtroopers funny leak

Baze and Chirrut

 Allegedly, Baze is a heavy weapons specialist, while Chirrut is a blind warrior who follows the path of the Jedi. But there’s more to these two than meets the eye.

Baze is actually an enterprising businessman who diverts the Rebellion’s meager supplies for sale on the black market:

rogue one baze leak funny

What Baze doesn’t know is that his “blind” buddy Chirrut has a secret of his own:

chirrut baze rogue one leak funny

What a bunch of lowlifes. Truly despicable Rebel scum.

The Tech Guy

Every crew has a techie guy. For the Rogue crew, they have Weed Ahmed:

rogue one riz ahmed leak funny

“Going against a laser moon and a space wizard? That be crazy man! I’ll have what you’re smoking.”

The Death Star raid

According to Disney, this is one of the scenes that had to be reshot for Rogue One to get a PG rating. In this scene, Jyn Erso and an unidentified male lead celebrate in a trash compactor after successfully stealing the Death Star plans:

rogue one jyn erso leak sexy funny

“Dammit Larry, hurry up will you? We’re gonna get caught!”

“Im… almost… done… Jyn.”

Detective Krennic

Following the theft of the Death Star blueprints, the Empire sends its most capable inspector to track the suspects… Detective Orson Krennic.

rogue one director krenic leak funny

“A discarded disguise, counterfeit access cards, and a used condom… This was obviously the work of Stormtrooper Larry. All elementary, my dear Tarkin.”

 

Rogue One: New Trooper Revealed!

Update (June 2, 2016): We received the following notice from LEGO:

“We have become aware that non-released, confidential and copyrighted LEGO® building instructions have been published on your website. The publication of this copyrighted material has not been authorized and we must therefore request that you immediately remove and delete the content from your website.”

2nd update (June 3, 2016): While Stormtrooper Larry slept, LEGO got impatient and filed a DMCA notice with WordPress. Hence, the images were removed. Please scroll to the bottom to find the link to the images.


 

Earlier today, we got our first look at the new Rogue One sets from Lego. We first reported on their descriptions two days ago, before the images themselves were leaked.

But it turns out we not only get new Legos — we get a new trooper as well.

stormtrooper larry(Scroll to the end for the link to the image)

Mini figure 75154 is the controversial Shore Trooper, who sounds like he lounges by the beach drinking Mai Tais all day long.

But then, who’s Mini figure 75152?

They’re actually these guys:

rogue one tank trooper.png

Bucketheads 1 and 2 have a different helmet. They lack the Scout Trooper-like “snout” of the Shore Trooper, and their armor is white rather than beach tan.

Here’s a clearer look from the Edelweiss catalog leak of the Official Visual Story Guide:

rogue one tank leak

And a side-by-side comparison with the Shore Trooper from the Celebration Europe poster:

shore trooper tank trooper rogue one

So no, the tank troopers (or whatever they’re called) are different from the Shore Troopers. Though both seem to like doing YMCA poses.

So we’re actually getting four trooper classes in Rogue One:

  • The original stormtrooper
  • The black-clad Death Troopers
  • The coastal Shore Troopers
  • And the unnamed vehicle crew trooper

Still, here’s the biggest, baddest trooper of all:

rogue one hover tank trooperWe ridin’ thru the hood with the laser moon, motherfucker.

It’s said that the Death Star plans only got stolen because he was taking a leak.


Update: While Stormtrooper Larry slept, LEGO got impatient and filed a DMCA takedown request with WordPress. The image of the mini figures is gone.

But you can still see it here. You’re welcome! 

Analyzing the Star Wars: Celebration Europe Poster

Today, Disney released the official poster for Star Wars Celebration Europe, which is set to take place in London on July 15. Star Wars Celebration events are official Lucasfilm-sanctioned events, and it’s also where Disney releases more info about the upcoming movie.

Below is the official poster for Celebration Europe:

celebratio europe poster.jpg

And here is the larger, uncropped artwork posted on the official Star Wars Celebration website:

star wars celebration europe.jpg

So let’s put on our Rey goggles and analyze!

1. Director Krennic

Despite Disney’s claims of the Rogue One leak being “mostly incorrect”, we’re betting Director Krennic is the name of Ben Mendelsohn’s character. And we get our clearest “official” look at him yet in this poster.

Going by the old Expanded Universe, Director Krennic appears to have the rank insignia of High Admiral, based on the 2012 guidebook The Essential Guide to Warfare:

Essential-Guide-To-Warefare-Imperial-Ranks.png

High Admirals were just one rank lower than Grand Admiral, and were on the same level as Grand Moff (twelve squares). They were a step up over Moffs and Vice Admirals (ten squares).

So in Rogue One, it seems that Director Krennic and Grand Moff Tarkin are on par with one another, with none being subordinate to the other. They also sport the same belt buckle, which must be de riguer for military officials.

director krennic tarkinAnd either those are code cylinders, or both of them like to carry a bunch of pens.

2. The Scarab Trooper

Unlike the armored Death Trooper and regular stormtrooper, Scarabs dispense with the armor in the codpiece, thighs and upper arms. This makes them similar to the Scout Trooper.

scarab trooper.png

It also makes them nimbler, more agile and less cumbersome than regular troopers. Some guesses:

  • Scarabs could be the Empire’s equivalent of the US Marines’ QRF (quick reaction force) – lightly armed, but faster and able to deploy more quickly than a normal complement.
  • They could also be the crew of the Empire’s mechanized forces. We’ve already seen the hovertank in the trailer with a Scarab on top. In the real world, crew members of tanks and APCs wear lighter helmets and less body armor than their infantry counterparts, so they can easily dismount in case of an emergency (like a burning vehicle).

For example, this US Army tank gunner wears a Combat Vehicle Crewman helmet different from the regular PASGT helmets. He also dispenses with the cumbersome kevlar panels worn by US army infantry.

abrams tank crew.jpg

3. Death Trooper

Nothing much to see here other what we’ve already seen in the trailer and Edelweiss leak. Some notes:

  • The body armor, not just the helmet, is definitely different from the regular stormtrooper. Previously, shadowtrooper variations in EU only colored the stormtrooper black without any difference. if you’re a 501st member, get ready for a whole new set of guidelines!
  • The green glow at the mic tips seems pretty stupid. While they look cool from a Hollywood perspective, it’s inconceivable why the Empire would light their special forces troopers like that if they’re supposed to be stealthy. Maybe it’s light leakage from their night vision system?

death trooper helmet.jpgOr maybe they are convenient hands-free lights, for reading maps in the field. How thoughtful of the Empire!

4. AT-ACT

We broke the news before that the Rogue One walker is different from the Hoth version. Here we can clearly make out those differences:

at act comparison

  • It lacks the devastating chin blaster cannons, which are the AT-AT’s main armament
  • The AT-ACT’s head and viewport are less armored
  • The undercarriage seems to be different

It also has a striking tan panel on the side. Perhaps those are interchangeable modules and this walker carries cargo, with the tan panel being a pallet that can be easily swapped. Hence the “C” in AT-ACT.

5. Chirrut

Is it just us, or does his walking stick turn into some sort of gun / bowcaster thingy?

chirrut

You know the galaxy’s really gone downhill when “religious” guys carry a bunch of weapons.

And that’s it for now. Stormtrooper Larry needs to get back to work!

Rogue One Trailer: The Frame-by-Frame Lowdown

There was a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of geeks cried out in awe, and were suddenly silenced.

The Rogue One trailer must have happened.

This is it. After months of endless speculation, the salivating masses of Star Wars fans finally got their first fill of Rogue One. And it’s beyond everything we ever hoped, and more.

Let’s take a look.

The opening shot shows Felicity Jones’ character Jyn Erson being led down a familiar ancient temple / hangar.

1

As her list of crimes are read out, everything from forging Imperial documents to aggravated assault and resisting arrest, we see the group grilling her:

2

Yes, that’s THE 1977 Mon Mothma, in the operations rooms of  Yavin IV!

Mon Mothma says Jyn is aggressive, reckless, and undisciplined, to which she replies, “This is a rebellion isn’t it? I rebel.” And the next shots show exactly that.

3

After a montage of rebelling and kicking hapless stormtrooper ass, the sirens blare. We get our first look at Ben Mendelsohn’s villain.

4

Is he a Grand Admiral? An ISB bigwig? The white opposite of Lando Calrissian? Who cares, that immaculate cape, chilling stare and mindblowing background  all combine to say “I have manners, impeccable taste, and a penchant for blowing up entire planets.”

5

Next we see the height of the Empire, with stormtroopers strutting, citizens cowering and a new Hasbro toy lumbering down the streets.

But not everyone bows down. Here we see Jyn and a fellow saboteur running from something, along with the stripped down droid from earlier in the trailer:

6

Why are they running? Because stormtroopers. And tan troopers.

7

And don’t forget the famous Shadow Trooper, finally seen in action. (Side note: maybe black armor isn’t the best when fighting in jungle terrain).

8

Our heroes fight back, blowing up a landing barge that looks closer to Kylo Ren’s shuttle than a Sentinel-class craft:

9

In the aftermath, we see Mr. Immaculate Cloak striding down the body-strewn battlefield. While Tarkin and his ilk lead from the polished floors of the Death Star, this is one admiral who isn’t afraid to go down in the trenches and get dirty.

99

But the carnage wasn’t limited to stormtroopers. As Jyn and her misfits rush through the tropics, they come face to face with the Empire’s towering monstrosities. We finally get to see the famous walking artillery in a landscape other than Hoth! (And with a shitty tan camouflage at that. Did the Empire really think they will blend in with those trees?)

x

As Forest Whitaker asks, “If you continue to fight, what will you become?”, we see a final shot of Jyn disguised as either a TIE pilot, Death Star gunner, technician, or random guy who cleaned the detention-level toilets.

xx

A lot is riding on Rogue One. A billion dollars worth, to be exact. As the first Star Wars film to venture outside the main story arcs and John Williams, it will be the benchmark to see if further Star Wars stories can be spun independent of the trilogies.

But judging by this trailer alone, it looks like the dark lords of Disney already have a winner on their hands. This film is even more Star Wars than the The Force Awakens. Take a look at the many homages and incredible attention to detail packed in that one and a half-minute trailer.

For instance, that famous shadowtrooper mug has its roots in the EU’s dark trooper and Ralph McQuarrie’s original concepts:

Untitled

They even got the Star Destroyer right. The Imperator Mk 1-class in the opening scene of A New Hope was slightly different from its later sister ships in ESB and Return of the Jedi:

isd

And finally, take a look at the Yavin scene. Not even 20 seconds into the trailer, we’re already treated to several cameos: the bushy bearded General Dodonna, complete with the iconic Rebel roulette table that doubles as a countdown timer! Seeing this scene alone, approximately 500 geeks fainted.

isd

Despite being billed as a different, grittier version of Star Wars outside of the main stories, Rogue One may end up as being the most Star War-sy film outside of A New Hope. 

And that’s a good thing.