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Kylo Ren’s Password Problem

Several years before The Force Awakens…

Young Ben Solo sat cross-legged on the floor. Very carefully, he set down the holocron in front of him and prepared to do his Jedi homework.

Holocrons, or holographic chronicles, were crystal devices that held ancient lessons. Today he was going to learn from the esteemed Master Yoda.

Before Ben could start, his friend Ron poked his head in the doorway. “Hey man, wanna watch some Twi’lek porn with us?”

Ben shook his head. “No thanks, you know we’re not supposed to watch those. Besides, I have homework to do.”

“Suit yourself. Later dude!”

twilek dancers monthly“It’s your loss Ben!”

Ben cleared images of sexy Twi’lek dancers from his mind and activated the holocron. A tiny hologram of Master Yoda appeared.

“Your password you must enter, if you wish to learn.”

On the holographic keyboard, Ben typed:

> crossguardlightsabersarecool

“Expired your password is. Change it you must, from the Sith and the IT department.  Would you like to change it now?”

Ben clicked YES.

“Your new password you will enter.”

> saber

At least 8 characters your password must have.”

> ihavebigsaber

“A capitalized character there should be, for cunning the Sith are.”

> ihavebigBIGsaber

“A number you should include, if you are not a dimwitted Gammorrean. Mmhehehehemmm.”

force-ghost-yoda.jpg“A stupid password that is, like 1234.”

Ben was starting to get pissed.

> ihaveBIGsaber69

“Weak your password is, young padawan. Try again. Mmhehehehemmm.”

> ihaveaBIGfuckingsaber69

“Still weak your password is. Disappointed in you, your father will be. Mmhehehehemmm.”

Ron stuck his head in the doorway again. “Hey bro, we’re gonna Force-torture some mynocks behind the gym. Wanna join?”

Ben screamed. “NO! GET THE FUCK OUT, I’M TRYING TO CONCENTRATE!”

“Geez man, okay.”

Ben Force-slammed the door and typed furiously:

> BIGgoddamnfuckingsaber69!!!!!

“Not allowed special characters are, little nerfbrain. Mmhehehehemmm.”

> BIGgoddamnfuckingsaberwithfuckinglittlecrossguardsabersontheside69

“A mismatch there is. Type your password again, you will mmhehehehemm.”

FUCK!

While the little Yoda hologram was still going “mmhehehehemm”, Ben Force-hurled the holocron against the wall, where it shattered into a million pieces. The lesson was supposed to be Jedi Calm and Patience 101.

Ben buried his face in his hands. He didn’t finish what he started.

Ron cautiously stuck his head in the door again.

“Hey dude, we’re gonna poke around the old Sith ruins in Korriban. Wanna come?”

Ben looked up.

“Yeah, I’m tired of this nerfshit. I could use a break.”

“Awesome! Meet you ’round back in 10.”

Fuck this Jedi shit. Uncle Luke had probably cheaped out again and bought pirated holocrons. While he was off searching for the first Jedi temple (or more likely spending time in the space casino), Ben was studying his ass off in his room.

He figured he deserved to have some fun with the gang. The Knights of Ron and Ben weren’t complete without him.

As Ben left to join his friends, the little Yoda hologram fizzled once before fading out.

“An error there is. Update your holocron to the latest version you should. Mmhehehehemmm.”

yoda laugh.gif“Ads you can remove with the paid version. Mmhehehehemmm.”


Liked this story? Then be sure to read the one about the showdown on Tatooine!

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Every Saturday, we bring you snapshots of Stormtrooper Larry!

stormtrooper larry leave

“Noooooooooo!! I’ve been away for too long!!!!”

 


 

Don’t forget to check out Stormtrooper Larry’s heroic actions during the raid on Jakku!

How Star Wars: Bloodline Ties into Episode 8

Last week, we brought you the full intel on the hotly anticipated novel Star Wars: Bloodline. Now we reveal how the book’s premise gets extended into Star Wars: Episode VIII.

Earlier today, a fan asked Lucasfilm’s Pablo Hidalgo if Bloodline holds any significance in the Star Wars films moving forward. Here’s his answer:

Rian Johnson is the director of Star Wars: Episode VIII. This means he directly influenced the plot of Bloodline to create continuity between the novel and Episode 8!

Let’s dissect Pablo’s response one by one:

1. The disposition of the New Republic

Following the signing of the Galactic Concordance, the reorganized Republic was the stronger power, while the Imperial Remnant was banished into the outlying sectors of the galaxy.

Following the end of the war, the New Republic instituted a massive demilitarization. The fleet was reduced to a fraction of its wartime strength and territorial defense became the responsibility of local sectors. After achieving victory and getting a huge swath of the galaxy, the new government became complacent with security.

But while the Republic was drawing down its military, the Remnant was doing the opposite. According to the novel, there are frequent reports of Star Destroyer squadrons and whole fleets disappearing from the monitored regions of Remnant space, and no one in the Republic knows where they ended up.

The Republic is also portrayed as being weak and divided due to partisan bickering and infighting, just like its pre-empire predecessor.

2. The political factions

With the fall of the Empire, Mon Mothma emerged as the face of the new government and its Chancellor. After she stepped down due to illness, two factions emerged.

Populists wish to retain the status quo: government should be representative and power distributed evenly across member worlds. They oppose the concentration of power in a single being and the expansion of a military force. Princess Leia belonged to this faction.

Centrists see the current system as ineffective. They argue that the representative form of government is too slow to act, and what the galaxy needs is a First Senator to bring order. They also advocate for a return to the stronger navy and military of the war years. Their primary leader is Ransolm Casterfo, a charismatic young Senator who becomes Leia’s arch-rival in the Senate.

3. “The Napkin Incident”

The hilariously named Napkin Incident is actually anything but. It refers to an assassination attempt on the Populists, including Leia.

Here’s the incident in full:

The conference building of the New Republic senatorial complex contained multiple rooms appropriate for every kind of auxiliary function imaginable, from memorial concerts to awards ceremonies. Leia Organa and Tai-Lin Garr headed toward one of the smallest banquet rooms. The breakfast meeting had been organized by Varish Vicly, who couldn’t imagine a bad time for a party.

Varish came loping toward them now on all fours. “There you are! I was worried you’d be late.”

“We’re still early,” Leia protested as both she and Tai-Lin were wrapped in quick, long-limbed hugs.

“Yes, but I worry. You know how these guys get.”

“Now come along and be introduced to everyone,” Varish insisted. Soon Leia found herself shaking hands and paws, murmuring greetings; thanks to some review holos Korr Sella had prepared for her, she recognized each senator in attendance and could even ask a few pertinent questions about their families and worlds.

They entered the banquet hall together, the entire group walking two by two. Leia knew the seat at the far end of the table would be hers, guest of honor as counterpart to the host. So she walked the length of the room, attentive to the senator at her side, before glancing down at the arrangements — sumptuous even by Varish’s standards, with a velvet runner stretching along the table and delicate paper streamers lying across the tables, beneath elaborately folded napkins. Leia had to laugh. “Honestly, Varish. For breakfast?” In other words, Leia thought as she listened to someone cheerfully talk about his grandchildren, this is going wonderfully for everyone but me.

This won good-natured chuckles from the room; Varish Vicly’s lavish tastes were well known, a foible she herself joked about. Today, however, she shrugged. “I didn’t request this. Maybe the serving staff heard my name and assumed that meant to go all out.” Varish smiled as she took her seat. “If that’s my reputation . . . you know, I can live with it.”

Leia settled into her chair, picked up her napkin — and stopped.

Something was written on the paper streamer on her plate. Actual writing. Virtually nobody wrote any longer; it had been years since Leia had seen actual words handwritten in ink on anything but historical documents.

But today, someone had left this message on her plate, only one word long:

RUN.

Leia shoved her chair back, instantly leaping to her feet. “We have to get out of here,” she said to the startled senators at the table. “Now. Go!”

But they didn’t move, even as she dashed toward the door. Varish said, “Leia? What in the world’s —”

“Didn’t you hear me?” Damn fools who had never been in the war, who didn’t know an urgent warning when they got one. Leia held up the paper so they could see it. “Run! Everyone get up and run!”

With that, she took off, running as fast as she could, finally hearing the others stir behind her. Maybe they thought the note was only a prank, but Leia knew better. The inchoate dread that had swirled inside her all morning had solidified; this was what her feelings had been warning her about.

As they dashed through the hallways of the conference building, Leia glimpsed an alert box and swerved sideways to hit it. A robotic voice said, “No detected hazards at this — ”

“Override! Evacuation alert now!” Leia resumed running just as the warning lights began to blink and the siren’s wail sounded. Immediately people began filing out of various other rooms, mostly grumbling but at least moving toward the exits — and when they saw her, they, too, started to run. The sense of urgency built behind her like a wave cresting, preparing to crash.

Leia’s breath caught in her throat as she pushed herself harder, running full out toward the doors, so fast they almost didn’t have time to open for her. In the square beyond, security droids had begun herding people away from the building, but too many continued to mill around, staring in consternation at the scene. The others evacuating flooded through the doors behind and around her, but once they were clear of the structure, half of them stopped, remaining stupidly within range.

Within range of what? She still didn’t know. But every instinct within her told her disaster was near.

Leia didn’t stop. She kept running as hard as she could, never looking back, until . . .

Brilliant light. A roar so loud it resonated in her skull. And hot air and debris slamming into her, knocking her down, rolling her over, erasing the world.

Is the incident the result of one faction trying to decimate the other? Or is it simply an attempt to assassinate Princess Leia alone, after being outed as the daughter of Darth Vader? You’ll have to read the novel to find out.

Regardless, it seems that Episode 8 director Rian Johnson worked closely with Bloodline author Claudia Gray to shape the plot of the next movie! This was also confirmed by Jen Heddle, Lucasfilm’s senior editor for fiction, with some of novel’s elements coming straight from Johnson.

Based on what we know of Episode 8 so far, Leia will be returning to the Republic in the wake of Hosnian Prime’s annihilation. She will plead for war against the First Order and clash with Benicio del Toro’s character. Could Del Toro be Ransolm Casterfo? Or is he the new leader of the Centrists? And what about Laura Dern’s character? Is she reportedly a senior officer in the Republic military, or could she be the novel’s Lady Carise Sindian?

While The Force Awakens focused on the classic good guys vs. bad guys like the Original Trilogy, it looks like Episode VIII will be bringing back the political intrigue and gray areas of the prequels!


 

Can’t wait for Episode VIII? Satisfy your Star Wars hunger with this alternate look at the raid on Jakku!

 

Star Wars Episode 8 Leak: The Major Characters

Recently, the holonet cesspool of 4chan has alerted us to intel supposedly about Star Wars Episode VIII.

While the original thread has since been taken down, we managed to secure the Death Star plans alleged leak for your tactical analysis.

So belly up to the table and get your fill. Begun the leak war has!

WARNING: Possible spoilers ahead.


 

BenicioDelToro.jpg

Benicio del Toro: Said to be a former bounty hunter turned politician in the Republic. He survived because he was offworld during the destruction of Hosnian Prime. According to the leak, Kylo Ren will kill him off later in the movie.

Laura Dern: Take this one with a massive grain of salt, her character is one Asala Qurd. She plays the role of a Republic military officer commanding a capital ship. She reportedly butts heads with Leia Organa, including a scene where she says “The daughter of Darth Vader has no right to lecture me!”

As one of the senior surviving brass, Laura is said to take command of the Resistance after the Republic world falls and Leia gets severely wounded during the evacuation. According to a previous leak, she and Poe will then have a confrontation about their future course of action. Laura wants to hide and consolidate forces, whereas Poe wants to rescue a captured Finn and take the fight to the First Order.

Kelly Tran: Rumored to play the Resistance spy Shtala Zi, she is Leia’s contact on the relocated capital of the Republic. Shtala has evidence linking Del Toro’s character to the First Order, and Poe and Finn are tasked with making contact.

Later on, Shtala and Finn will have a romantic adventure in the city. Finn will fall for her, only to be betrayed by Shtala as she is revealed to be a double agent for the First Order.

Set-4

Anakin Skywalker: Hayden Christensen was spotted filming a night scene at Pinewood Studios. This is rumored to be the scene where Anakin talks to Luke and Rey.

Yoda: Similarly, there are reports of Yoda puppeteer Frank Oz appearing at the London studio. According to the leak, Yoda will talk to Rey alone, but as a voice instead of a Force ghost.

Captain Phasma: Shtala will lure Finn to a trap, where Phasma will be waiting. Phasma nurses a deep grudge against the former stormtrooper not only for betraying the First Order but for forcing her to deactivate the shield on Starkiller Base.

This time, she returns the favor and has Finn lower the Republic capital’s shields at gunpoint. Finn will then try to escape in the ensuing chaos, and Poe will come to his rescue.

Poe Dameron: During the First Order invasion of the Republic world, Poe will lead a ragtag assortment of fighters against the full might of the enemy fleet.

However, Poe also gets more screen time on the ground compared to his fighter jock scenes in TFA. Poe will be instrumental in cornering an aide of Del Toro who holds evidence tying the politician with the First Order. Poe will also come to Finn’s aid in a chase scene against Captain Phasma.

According to the leak, Poe will get shot at the wrist, though it’s unclear whether it will be a glancing wound or his hand will get blown off (in the Star Wars tradition of losing a limb in each episode). This gives Phasma the opportunity to capture Finn and take off.

Rey: Portrayed as being extremely gifted in the Force, she is also erratic. In one sparring scene with Luke, she almost delves into the dark side, which makes Luke hesitate to train her. The Force ghost of Anakin will supposedly make him change his mind.

Luke Skywalker: He is shown as a haunted Jedi master, not only because of the death of his students but because he nearly gave in to the dark side during the slaughter. Luke is also accompanied by a small furry animal on his exile island, which reportedly looks like a cross between “a dog, an Ewok and a lizard.”

Leia Solo: Leia will return to the Republic Senate where she will plead with the surviving leadership for war against the First Order. She and Benicio del Toro will clash because of this, since Del Toro argues they need time while Leia wants to seize the moment.

She will suffer grievous wounds during the evacuation from the Republic planet, after the First Order attempts to deal the death blow against the weakened government. Luke will sense her peril, and he will join Rey in the Falcon as they race back to the galaxy.

According to the leak, all of these intel comprises only the second act of the movie. The third act is reportedly under heavy guard tighter than a Death Star convoy.


Once again, take these reports with a healthy dose of skepticism. We did our homework by trying to verify the alleged names of Laura Dern and Kelly Tran. “Asala Qurd.com” and “Shtala Zi.com” are still available domain names, whereas “Jyn Erso.com” is already taken, so there’s that.

It may end up like the Rey debacle from last year, where Daisy Ridley’s character was supposed to be named “Kira” because of an earlier script. We’ll do our best to uncover more leaks from the Disney Empire, so make sure to subscribe to receive the latest intel!

Meanwhile, try to judge whether this supposed plot of Episode VIII is the real deal or not!

The 10 Major Surprises in Star Wars: Bloodline

One of the biggest questions of Star Wars fans is what happened during the 30-year period between Return of the Jedi and The Force Awakens.

Star Wars: Bloodline, aims to answer that. Authored by Claudia Gray, the novel focuses on Princess Leia and her role in the new government that replaced the fallen Empire.

If you want to know the backstory behind TFA, this is the right place. But if you’ve got an unfinished copy of the book, then stop reading now!

Major spoilers ahead.


Six years before The Force Awakens….

 

1. Leia has a kick-ass title

Leia finds out that someone has a holo-recording of her strangling Jabba the Hutt and uploaded it to the Holonet. This earns her the badass title “The Huttslayer” among the Nikto, many of whom worked as Jabba’s henchmen.

leia huttslayer.jpg

This is a nod to real-life events. Last year, Disney caused controversy when they planned to drop the “Slave Leia” merchandise. The massive fan outrage caused Disney to rethink the plan, while fans suggested a more gender-friendly name, “Leia the Huttslayer.”


2. Han and Leia have a long distance relationship

In the old Expanded Universe, the two got married after a tumultuous period of courtship. They eventually settled down on Coruscant, siring three Jedi babies.

In the new timeline, Han and Leia get hitched during the wild celebrations after the Rebel victory. But they also recognize they come from two different worlds. Leia continues her life as politician in the newly reorganized Senate. Meanwhile, Han continues his nomadic lifestyle in the Falcon, becoming, of all things… a space racer! Yep that’s right, Han now owns his own starship racing team.


3. Chewie retires

In the old EU, loyal sidekick Chewbacca never left Han’s side even after the Alliance victory. In fact, the smuggler duo continued their adventures right until Chewie’s death during the galactic invasion by the Yuuzhan Vong.

In Disney’s new universe, Han joins Chewie on a mission to liberate the Wookiee homeworld of Kashyyyk, which is a separate story for another time (actually the novel Aftermath: Life Debt).

After Kashyyyk is liberated, Chewie decides to retire and settles down with his family on his home planet. However, he continues to keep in touch with Han and Leia.


4. The Skywalkers find out more about their mother

With the Empire’s records now unsealed, Luke and Leia discover more details about their birth mom, Queen Amidala.

Leia in particular is enthralled by Amidala’s political life, from ruler of Naboo to member of the Galactic Senate. This inspires her to continue in galactic politics, no matter how frustrating it could be (more on that below).


5. Leia doesn’t become a Jedi

With Amidala as her inspiration, Leia decides that her calling is in the political arena. At one point someone asks her why she didn’t join Luke new Jedi academy and become a Jedi Knight. Leia answers that her life is devoted to politics rather than the Jedi way.


6. A political rival exposes their father

leia vader daughter

The Skywalker twins wisely keep mum on their real father. However, during a heated debate in the Senate, an opposition senator reveals that Leia was sired by Darth Vader.

This shocking revelation has disastrous consequences. Leia’s good reputation built over the past two decades crumbles in an instant. Even her closest colleagues drift away due to distrust and avoid the fallout, so that Leia ends up a politicial liability without any more influence in the Senate.


7. The Republic is once again divided

galactic senate.jpg

Twenty years after ROTJ, the new Republic government that replaced the Empire is once again in crisis. Just like its Clone Wars predecessor, the government is portrayed as being ineffective due to partisan infighting and bickering.

After the fall of the Empire, it is revealed that Mon Mothma became chancellor and and disarmed the Imperial machinery. A major disarmament policy saw the Alliance fleet disbanded after the signing of the Galactic Concordance. And to prevent power from being concentrated in the hands of a few, the new government was designed to be more inclusive, with the galactic capital rotating among member worlds every few years.

After Mon Mothma stepped down due to illness, two sides emerged. The Populists wish to continue her legacy of a peaceful and representative government where power is spread evenly. On the other hand, there are the Centrists, who wish for a more centralized government led by a First Senator, and a return to the stronger Republic Navy of the war years. The former see this is a possible return to tyranny, while the latter believe it will be more efficient and productive.

This political deadlock has left the Senate ineffective and mired in motions and rulings that are vetoed by the opposing side. At one point, it leads to an assassination attempt on the Populists:

Leia settled into her chair, picked up her napkin — and stopped.

Something was written on the paper streamer on her plate. Actual writing. Virtually nobody wrote any longer; it had been years since Leia had seen actual words handwritten in ink on anything but historical documents.

But today, someone had left this message on her plate, only one word long:

RUN.

Leia shoved her chair back, instantly leaping to her feet. “We have to get out of here,” she said to the startled senators at the table. “Now. Go!”

But they didn’t move, even as she dashed toward the door. Varish said, “Leia? What in the world’s —”

“Didn’t you hear me?” Damn fools who had never been in the war, who didn’t know an urgent warning when they got one. Leia held up the paper so they could see it. “Run! Everyone get up and run!”

With that, she took off, running as fast as she could, finally hearing the others stir behind her. Maybe they thought the note was only a prank, but Leia knew better. The inchoate dread that had swirled inside her all morning had solidified; this was what her feelings had been warning her about.

As they dashed through the hallways of the conference building, Leia glimpsed an alert box and swerved sideways to hit it. A robotic voice said, “No detected hazards at this — ”

“Override! Evacuation alert now!” Leia resumed running just as the warning lights began to blink and the siren’s wail sounded. Immediately people began filing out of various other rooms, mostly grumbling but at least moving toward the exits — and when they saw her, they, too, started to run. The sense of urgency built behind her like a wave cresting, preparing to crash.

Leia’s breath caught in her throat as she pushed herself harder, running full out toward the doors, so fast they almost didn’t have time to open for her. In the square beyond, security droids had begun herding people away from the building, but too many continued to mill around, staring in consternation at the scene. The others evacuating flooded through the doors behind and around her, but once they were clear of the structure, half of them stopped, remaining stupidly within range.

Within range of what? She still didn’t know. But every instinct within her told her disaster was near.

Leia didn’t stop. She kept running as hard as she could, never looking back, until . . .

Brilliant light. A roar so loud it resonated in her skull. And hot air and debris slamming into her, knocking her down, rolling her over, erasing the world.


 

8. Leia’s arch-enemy has a classic supervillain name

So who is this rival that exposed the Skywalker lineage? An upstart Senator called Ransolm Casterfo.

The young politician becomes the head of the Centrists and thinks the only real problem with the Empire was that it had the wrong Emperor. It comes as no surprise then that Casterfo has a penchant for Imperial relics like banners, armor and Palpatine’s personal stuff.


9. The First Order is born from secession

star wars first order

After the remaining Imperial fleet is defeated in The Battle of Jakku, the Imperial Remnant signs the Galactic Concordance. This sees loyalist moffs and other warlords relegated to remote sections of the Outer Rim. Despite this, there are frequent reports of Star Destroyer packs and whole fleets vanishing from these monitored regions.

The biggest blow comes when the stalemate in the Senate comes to a head. The centrists, led by Leia’s rival, announce their intention to secede from the Republic. But unlike the old Confederacy, they find a powerful partner with whom to combine their territories and fleets: the banished Imperial loyalists.

This leads us to the birth of the First Order.

But while the Centrists and Remnant join forces to threaten the Republic, we also have a new hope. Towards the end of the book, Leia accepts that the current government was no longer effective, especially after it failed to act when the Centrists seceded. And since she has lost her political allies, she resigns from the Senate and prepares for the inevitable conflict, with the help of Admiral Ackbar and disgruntled officers of the Republic.


10. Ben Solo was kept in the dark about Darth Vader

ben solo jedi.jpg

This is the biggest surprise of all: Leia never told her son Ben about his grandfather.

This is because Leia was concerned over Ben’s potential to follow in his footsteps. Throughout the novel, Han and Leia worried over their son’s growing Force powers, and how best to tell him about his lineage. Unfortunately, all that was preempted by the expose of Leia’s rival live on the Galactic Senate.

In the end, Leia leaves a tearful holomessage for her son acknowledging the truth, but it isn’t shown how Ben reacted, or even if he received the message.


 

Whew, what a whirlwind! And all these occurs just six years before The Force Awakens! It does bring up a host of questions, such as Rey’s actual age when she was dumped on Jakku.

Anyway, Star Wars: Bloodline helps flesh out the state of the Star Wars galaxy and the fate of our heroes. And it also explains the saddest thing about The Force Awakens.

Han Solo Spinoff Movie: What We Know So Far

Star Wars: Episode VIII is only halfway through the shoot, and Rogue One won’t be showing for over half a year, but the Star Wars overdrive continues.

Today, Disney released the latest regarding the Han Solo standalone movie. Here’s everything we know to date.

  1. Alden Ehrenreich landed the role

alden ehrenreich han solo.jpg

It’s confirmed: the young Han Solo will be portrayed by Alden Ehrenreich, the 26-year old actor who appeared in the 2016 comedy Hail, Caesar!.

Like Harrison Ford, the actor’s path to stardom was unconventional. Whereas Ford was a carpenter discovered by George Lucas, Ehrenreich was spotted by Steven Spielberg from a bar mitzvah video.

Ehrenreich certainly has the scruffy look and cheeky grin of the famous smuggler, beating other Han Solo hopefuls like Transformers star Jack Reynor and the Kingsman’s Taron Egerton.

han solo hopefuls.jpg

Seriously, among the Han Solo hopefuls, he looks the closest right?


2. It will have two directors

The film will be directed by Phil Lord and Christoper Miller. The duo was responsible for 21 and 22 Jump Street, and animated movies like Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs and The Lego Movie.

Despite being paired with the dream team scriptwriters Lawrence Kasdan (Empire Strikes Back) and his son Jon Kasdan, Chris Miller spoke about the intense pressure of helming the Han Solo origin story:

“It’s a huge pressure. We always try and find something that’s gonna make us… give a fire to our bellies and do a really good job. And this feels like there’s a lot of pressure to not screw this up.

So we’ve definitely got that motivation and then the rest of it is about trying to give audiences a fresh experience that doesn’t feel like you’re just trying to check off some checklist of beats that you’re expecting and make something that feels new and exciting for people, but at the same time honoring what was so great about that character.”


3. It will explain how Han met Chewie

Disney CEO Bob Iger confirmed that Chewbacca will be present. It will likely explore the backstory behind the Han and Chewie partnership, and how the Wookiee came to owe him a life debt.

In the original Expanded Universe, Han freed a Chewie from a slave ship. Then a Lieutenant in the Imperial Navy, Han was ordered by his commanding officer to skin the Wookiee. Rather than obey, he chose to be court-martialed and ended up being a smuggler, with Chewie as his co-pilot and business partner.

One day this slaver was particularly hard on one Wookiee, treating him so badly I couldn’t stand by and watch. I’d heard the phrase, ‘It’s none of your business,’ one too many times, so I took action. My good deed was rewarded.
I was court-martialed and booted from the majestic Imperial Navy. But here’s the catch. Chewbacca here was that Wookiee. And my intervention in his life, my making him my business, had established his ‘life debt’ to me. Some Wookiee custom, that. He was ready to follow me anywhere, and he did.

4. The “broom handle” is back

For Star Wars Day, director Chris Miller tweeted this treat:

That’s Han’s iconic sidearm. The DL-44 heavy blaster pistol was produced by Blastech Industries and was considered one of the most powerful sidearms in the galaxy. In real-life, it was a modified German Mauser pistol with an attached sniper scope.


5. It will be light-hearted compared to Rogue One

Whereas Rogue One is being billed as a gritty war movie, the Han Solo film will be entertaining and funny. According to Lucasfilm president Kathleen Kennedy, this is why they chose the Legofilm directors to be in charge of the movie.

“You can imagine, given who we’ve chosen to come in and direct, it should be very entertaining and funny. Han Solo is the character inside Star Warsthat everybody knows has a wit and sense of humor. So that’s what this should be.”

The film is slated for release on May 25, 2018, 41 years after Han Solo first appeared onscreen in A New Hope.


Hungry for more Star Wars movie updates? Read our frame by frame analysis of the Rogue One trailer!

Star Wars Episode 8 Leak: The First Jedi Temple

While everyone geeks out over the leaked set photos from Pinewood studios, most sites seem to miss out the most important part of the film: the first Jedi temple.

The Pinewood set is supposed to represent Luke’s island on the planet Ahch-to. However, the Jedi temple itself is being constructed in an entirely different location: the Dingle peninsula in Ireland!

episode 8 leak

Once again, our intrepid Bothan spies are on the case. Let’s take a look.

q1

From afar, it looks like a bunch of giant eggs perched on a hillside. Let’s get closer.

star wars jedi temple.jpg

It’ actually the cone-shaped buildings at the end of The Force Awakens, perched precariously on a cliff!

first jedi temple.jpg

Here we have a seaside view of the whole complex. There appears to be 8 buildings, and their primitive construction is a far cry from the grand Jedi Temple on Coruscant. Below you can see the scale of the huts compared to humans:

episode 8 jedi temple.jpg

The primitive Jedi temple is being constructed on Ceann Sibéal, a majestic hillside in Ireland’s Dingle peninsula. The location is a stand-in for the island of Skellig Michael where the original ending of TFA was filmed.

episode viii temple.jpg

The reason for the move is to due to restrictions on the original island. Skellig Michael is a UNESCO heritage site, which posed severe limitations on what Disney and Lucasfilm could do with the island.

episode 8 temple jedi.jpg

While the new location posed less challenges, Disney still had to meet several criteria set by Ireland’s Department of Arts, Heritage and the Gaeltacht, which include:

  • Filming 100m away from the protected cliff top, and for only 45 minutes per day
  • Helicopter shots can only be used for a maximum of 3 days
  • Filming crew cannot exceed 100 members
  • All sets must be completely dismantled at the end of the shoot

Locals have even been approached by Disney representatives, offering to rent their SUVs to transport cast and crew members for the duration of the shoot. The security at the site also rivals the construction of the Death Star, with barricades as far as 2 km away from the cliffside!

episode 8 ireland.jpg

It’s amazing how Luke’s lonely island in the film is actually comprised of three different locations. Stay tuned for more Star Wars insights!


Hungry for more Star Wars leaks? Then try to stay away from the supposed plot leak of Episode VIII!

 

An Analysis of the New Star Wars: Episode VIII Photos!


It is a period of uncertainty. Rebel drones, striking from a hidden van, have won their first victory against the Disney Empire.

During filming, Rebel spies managed to steal spy shots of the Empire’s new blockbuster, STAR WARS EPISODE VIII,  a movie with enough hype to rake in an entire planet’s GDP.

Pursued by Disney’s security, the drone races back to Stormtrooper Larry, custodian of the spy shots that will thrill Star Wars geeks and ignite excitement across the galaxy…


Opening shot… it’s the Millennium Falcon! The grimy ship looks clean, and appears to be resting in the same planet it landed at during the ending of The Force Awakens.

33AFAB0700000578-3567340-image-a-11_1462036604151“Chewie, stay here and watch the parking meter.”

The planet is the same (Ahch-to, Luke’s planet of exile and rumored home of the first Jedi temple), but the filming location is actually different. The crew had to recreate the island of Skellig Michael from Ireland in the backlot of London’s Pinewood studios. This is due to concerns of the crew’s impact on the UNESCO-protected island, as well as recent rockfalls that made it a hazard to film onsite.

In a zoomed out view, we can see the Jedi steps painstakingly recreated by the crew. The real island featured 618 steps carved out of the stone, which Rey climbed to meet Luke.

One new feature is a gnarly, menacing tree that looks out of place in the verdant green of Ahch-To. Could this be Episode 8’s version of the dark side cave on Dagobah?

33AFBD3800000578-0-image-a-4_1462035838102Oh, that tree? That’s where you’ll mock-battle Kylo Ren while I poke rocks around.”

Here’s a closer look at the Tree of the Dark Side:

episode 8 tree“Oh and don’t mind the smell. It’s also where I hang my dirty Jedi laundry.”

Or maybe it’s not a gnarled old tree. Luke might have burnt it when he first arrived on the island, which explains this tantalizing scene from The Force Awakens:

luke episode 7.gif

A funeral pyre tree for his dead students, then? Either way, that is one creepy-ass tree.

But that’s not all. Higher up the hillside, we see a completely different set… what looks to be the main entrance to a reinforced building, fronting a huge courtyard!

episode 8.jpg

The change is dramatic. While Ahch-to looks natural and rustic, the second set looks modern and grandiose. We’re betting it’s a completely different planet.

Our guess, is it could be either:

  • The Resistance base on D’Qar, where a mass evacuation will take place when the First Order strikes back
  • The Republic’s interim government, which was relocated to a different planet following the destruction of Hosnian Prime

We also see a bold red stripe, which was characteristic of the old Galactic Republic and the Rebel Alliance.

episode 8 senate

Those walls sure look thick. In fact, they bring to mind the German artillery emplacements in Normandy during WWII:

gun emplacement

But then again, It could just be a majestic entrance, considering those tiny steps and the scale of the walls. Could it be the new Senate building? That courtyard looks royal enough and hearkens back to Naboo.

Finally, we leave you with this shot of an unfinished set.

episode 8 unfinished set.jpg

The upper edges seem to be finished and appear to show an ancient and rundown setting. Could this be the sinister underbelly of the city where Finn and Kelly Marie Tran will have their romantic adventure?

Set-4

Did these stolen set plans whet your appetite? If you’re hungry for more, then read what COULD be the leaked plot of Star Wars Episode 8!

Disclaimer: No Bothans died to bring you this information.

The Jakku Incident


The whine of the sublight engines ceased, replaced by the throb of the repulsors. They were in atmosphere. One minute to deployment.
Onboard the squat transport, white-armored figures checked blaster rifles and power packs. On top, the dorsal gunner began blasting away at unseen targets.

Touch down. The ramp drops. Fires. Shouting. Brilliant beams of energy crisscrossing through the night. Moving as one, the stormtroopers rush out of the transport and into the fray.

z

Stormtrooper FU-1287, aka “Larry”, pays no attention to the firefight. He has more important things on his mind than some stupid battle.

Last night, the dreaded Internal Security Bureau discovered his hidden stash of smut holozines. It won’t be long before the ISB traced it back to him. In fact, he had volunteered for this mission in order to desert and preempt their inevitable dragnet.

According to the mission briefing, they were to raid an inhabited area of Jakku, a backwater planet. Never one to volunteer, Stormtrooper Larry jumped at the chance — he expected to find a dingy city of scum and villainy where he could disappear. Instead, what he found was a ramshackle group of huts in the middle of the desert.

He really should pay more attention to those mission briefings.

A disappointed Larry scanned his surroundings. Around him, white armored soldiers exchanged blasterfire with civilians. Flametroopers torched huts while the heavy gunners laid down withering covering fire to allow the squads to advance.

One stormtrooper smeared with blood stood motionless in the middle of the shootout. What the hell was this guy thinking? Larry tackled the idiot to the ground.

“Dammit man, don’t be a nerfbrain!” The dimwit didn’t respond. Larry could see the soldier was traumatized, his helmet still marked with a bloody handprint. It was probably the kid’s first combat deployment.

“Just stay low, okay? It’s gonna be alright.”

Screen-Shot-2015-04-16-at-2.50.47-PM.png“Keep your head down man! What are you, Boba Fett or something?”

With a pat on the back, he left the shellshocked idiot to find someplace where he could think. A war zone made a poor place for contemplation.

Crouching low, he made his way to the back of the village, skirting around the residents who were busy welcoming the intruders with blaster bolts. He couldn’t find even an old speeder or swoopbike to escape in. This place really was a dump, and he had been to many hell holes.

Larry broke into a tent, but found it occupied by an old man who was frantically burning some tattered books and ancient-looking stuff. “Oops. Sorry old timer!” Nope, he couldn’t stay here either. It was probably the village hoarder and his load of junk.

test“And no offense, but you gotta air this place out. It smells like a Hutt.”

At the edge of the village, he finally found an outcrop of rocks where he could sit and concentrate.

Ten full crates of Twi’lek Dancers Monthly were stashed in the main hold of a broken transport. Thanks to First Order bureaucracy, that transport ship sat neglected and unrepaired for over three years. This made it the ideal warehouse for Larry’s bootleg operation — smuggling sexy holozines for his captive (and very eager) market, the bored stormtrooper contingent of the Star Destroyer Finalizer.

What he didn’t count on was the unwelcome arrival of General Hux and some kind of space magician onboard the destroyer. Within a few days, all of the sloppy mess on the Finalizer was cleaned up… including Larry’s smut ship. After the crates were cracked open to reveal an avalanche of porn, the ISB was called in.

As Larry sat brooding, a yellow ball raced past him into the desert. He ignored the twittering droid and focused on his situation.

bb8 runIf only all his porn could fit in that droid, he wouldn’t be in trouble.

The good news is, he had the foresight to name the shipment after an old training sergeant that he hated. The bad news is, once the ISB unraveled the false trail, Larry only had three days before they caught on to him… perhaps five days at the most. Those ISB thugs may be mindless brutes, but they were ruthlessly efficient brutes.

A crackle in his commset interrupted his thoughts. “FU-1287, what’s your status? Get back here!”

Larry ran back to his squad, firing in the air for effect.

A pauldroned officer confonted him. “Where the hell were you?”

“Uh, I looped around back and shot a whole group trying to escape sir!”

“Yeah? Well get back in formation, space Rambo. We have visitors.”

A menacing command shuttle circled over the assembled troops and touched down. It was the magician from the Finalizer, followed by that bitchy stormtrooper in chrome, Captain Asthma or something. The battalion snapped to attention as the black figure strode dramatically down the ramp. These First Order bigwigs loved their grand entrances.

The old hoarder he encountered was taken before the magician, and the two began to talk. They were probably haggling over the old man’s wares. Larry tuned them out and looked around for ways to escape.

All of the civilians were being herded in the village square. Unless there was a mass breakout, there was no way he could disappear. He couldn’t even hide, since the whole area was surrounded by nothing. A white-clad stormtrooper in the middle of the desert would stand out like a nude Twi’lek dancer in a Jedi temple. Why does it always have to be a desert planet?

There was a commotion. The black magician stopped a blaster bolt in mid-air, seizing Larry’s attention back to the present. Wow, cool trick! It was probably magnets or something. He watched as a scruffy-looking civilian was brought before the space wizard, get beaten up, and then was hustled off into custody.

Larry gulped. That would be his own fate a few days from now.

stormtrooper larry jakku“Shit. I don’t even have a jacket like that.”

After a few minutes, Captain Asthma took over. “On my command.”

As one, the line of stormtroopers raised their rifles and aimed. Larry mimicked them.

“Fire.”

The troopers began shooting. Still distracted by his predicament and unsure what he should be firing at, Larry shot at the straw huts, the dirt barricades and some of the rocks. He also shot at a dead mynock, wishing it was the ISB agents who were at this moment hunting for him. Finally, the blasterfire ceased and the firing line dispersed.

Larry approached the magician. “Hey man, that was a neat trick! How’d you do it?”

The black-robed figure didn’t respond. He was staring intently somewhere else. All of a sudden, the frozen blaster bolt was released, impacting into a nearby post with a loud bang. Larry was stunned — this guy should have his own holonet show!

“Awesome dude! So where are the magnets??” But when he turned around, Mr. Magic was gone. He had already returned to his ship. Larry didn’t even get an autograph.

His headset crackled. “We captured a Resistance pilot. FU-1287, take a squad and search his ship for the map. Get moving.”

“Umm.. roger that!”

Accompanied by a handful of troopers, he trudged off to carry out the task. What map?

The ship turned out to be a damaged Incom T-70 snubfighter. Obsolete by galactic standards, the old X-wing was being phased out in favor of the newer T-75. While the others searched the hold and access panels, Larry climbed the ladder and plopped down into the cockpit.

It was a filthy mess. The tiny space was littered with empty ration bars, holo-selfies, a stained jumpsuit, hair gel, and a map of the D’Qar system. Was that their objective? Larry tried hard to remember. Oh yeah, they’re supposed to be looking for the Skywalker system. He tossed the map aside and rummaged behind the seat.

Just behind the headrest he found a couple of gay holozines and some empty water bottles, while he discovered dried gum stuck under the seat and even more discarded wrappers. Disgusted, he climbed out of the cockpit.

These Resistance scum probably lived in their ships full time. As much as he wanted to escape,  it would never be in this filthy craft, even if it wasn’t damaged and even if it was the last ship in the whole galaxy. As soon as he was shipboard, his gloves were going in the incinerator.

Larry signaled to the heavy gunners. “Nothing here, go ahead!”

poe x-wing destroyed“Filthy space hobos.”

He ran back to the lieutenant. “The enemy ship was uh, clean, sir.”

“Get back to your transport. We’re pulling out.”

As Larry walked dejectedly back to the dropship, he passed the shellshocked idiot he tackled earlier. He wasn’t sure if it was one of his porn buyers.

“Hey, what a mess right? We’ll get out of it somehow.”

The blood-smeared trooper stared blankly at him. Maybe not one of his customers then.

Stormtrooper Larry looked back at the burning village, as the first rays of dawn broke through the dark. He had less than a week to escape from the First Order and the merciless ISB, all because some pasty general and a space wizard ruined his sweet smut racket.

Yes, he would get out. Somehow.


 

Itching for the next part? Stormtrooper Larry will return in Escape from the Finalizer. Subscribe now so you don’t miss out!

In the meantime, check out this other stormtrooper who didn’t keep his head down.