Tag Archives: luke skywalker

Star Wars Episode VIII According to a Spambot!

Last time, we looked at the Rogue One visual guide book leak through the eyes of a spambot.

Today, while stuck in a boring synergy meeting, Stormtrooper Larry wandered over to the ol’ spam site again, to see its penetrating insights on Star Wars Episode VIII.

Here’s what we found.

We may well be years clear of the release of Star Wars Episode VIII, however as The Pressure Awakens taught us, that point can fly earlier in no time.

Little is understood approximately what VIII’s tale will cling, however we do recognize that it’s going to pick out up immediately after The Drive Awakens, with Rey having found out Luke Skywalker’s whereabouts, as showed by way of the teaser trailer.

Clearly this bot has memory issues. Which is it: The Pressure Awakens or The Drive Awakens? Next thing you’ll be saying it’s The Exertion Rouses!

star wars force awakens funny

Profound questions

Despite the bot’s dementia, it was insightful enough to ask penetrating questions:

The Drive Awakens left many questions unanswered. Who’s Rey in reality? Is Finn Drive delicate? What is with C-3PO’s pink arm? Why is R2-D2, the bearer of all wisdom who refuses to inform any person anything else, this sort of dick?

So in the intervening years between The Pressure Awakens and Episode VIII, it seems Threepio’s arm has changed from red to pink. That prissy droid changes arms like a handbag.

Forget about whether Finn is Force sensitive… the real question is: is he Drive delicate? And more importantly, why is R2-D2 such a goddawful dick? Those are the hard-hitting questions that fans demand to know, Abrams!

r2d2 funnyI swear Artoo, you’re such a dick!

A pleasurable solution to Rey

Colin Trevorrow, who will probably be directing Episode IX, has already promised us a “profoundly pleasurable” solution to the thriller surrounding Rey’s oldsters.

“Rey is a personality that may be essential on this universe, now not simply within the context of The Pressure Awakens, however in all of the galaxy,” he stated. “She merits it. We’re going to be sure that that solution is one thing that feels love it used to be one thing that came about a very long time in the past, a long way away, and we are simply telling you what came about.”

While we don’t understand a single word about the solution to Rey’s oldsters, we’re thrilled to know it will be a “profoundly pleasurable” one. In fact, we feel a disturbance in the Pressure, as if a million voices sighed with anticipation, from Reywalkers to Reynobis.

Torn between the darkness and the sunshine

The Drive Awakens ended with a wounded Kylo Ren being taken to Very best Chief Snoke to finish his coaching – however what does that imply?

We think one of the most movie will display Luke coaching Rey, reminiscent of his personal coaching from Yoda in The Empire Moves Again. It is going to even be fascinating to peer how Kylo Ren’s personality develops. He simply murdered his personal father, however he is nonetheless conflicted among the darkish aspect and the sunshine – or used to be Han’s dying the general a part of his transition to Sith?

Well if you ask us, Stormtrooper Larry thinks that Ben’s “simple murder” of his personal father cemented him into the darkish part of the Pressure.

We also think that Very best Chief Snoke isn’t a Sith (they became extinct in Recurrence of the Jedi), but that guy surely ain’t part of the sunshine.

kylo ren torn apart funny.gif

Btw, anybody got a copy of The Empire Moves Again?

 

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Father’s Day with Han Solo

Six years before The Force Awakens….

 

Gary the stormtrooper sat sadly in the cantina.

Formerly TK-1287, the retired trooper was having a bad day. He blew what remained of his life savings on a bad bet — he backed the wrong team in the Kessel Races. Now all he had left was a pack of gum and a couple of credits.

Someone took the bar stool next to him, an old smuggler turned race team captain. It was that scoundrel Han Solo.

Gary glanced sideways at him. “That was a bad race man. You shoulda stayed in the smuggling business.”

“The team’s not up to spec today,” Han replied with a trace of irritation. “Do I know you?”

“Yeah man, TK-1287. We captured you back on Cloud City. I was the one who tied you to that torture rack!”

There was an awkward silence.

“If it helps, I backed your team today with my life savings.”

Han nodded. “Yeah? Thanks for the vote of confidence. Lemme buy you a drink.”


Several rounds later….

 

“… we still keep the metal bikini in the closet. So whadya do now?”, asked a heavily drunk Han.

“I’m just a drifter seeing the galaxy. Hic! Didn’t get to see it much during my service,” Gary replied. “So where’s your kid?”

“Jedi school taking after his uncle. More mumbo jumbo an’ handwaving. Never really understood any of it.”

Han looked at his watch. “Shit, I just remembered it’s Father’s Day! I gotta pick him up today, tell him the truth bout his granddad.”

He stood up. “I gotta go. Little snot’s been lookin forward to it for a long time.”

kylo ren sad.gif“Uncle Luke, is dad still coming?”

As Han turned to leave, Gary the stormtrooper stopped him. “You really gonna ditch me man? I’m broke because of your nerf-ass team!”

Han swayed and collapsed back on the stool. “Alright, one more round wouldn’t hurt.”

“Awesome! Forget the little fucker, he’s with Jedi monks now man. I know a good Twi’lek stripclub just ’round the corner. Hic!”

“Fine, lead on buckethead.”

Six years later….

han solo death

 Happy Father’s Day from Stormtrooper Larry! 

EXCLUSIVE: A Behind-the-Scenes Look at Episode VIII from an Alleged Production Insider

A couple of days ago, we brought you the sensational Jedi History 1.1 lesson from KY10REY, who purports to be a production insider for Star Wars: Episode VIII.

Today, Stormtrooper Larry sat down with KY10REY to find out more about the film. Whether his claims are true or not, we leave up to you.

We’ve reserved the juiciest stuff at the end.

Who is KY10REY?

He first appeared in February 2016, when principal photography for Episode VIII started. KY10REY claims to be part of the production crew at Pinewood Studios with insider knowledge of the film’s progress.

Why should we listen to him?

KY10REY seems to have advance knowledge of what Space Bear Industries, the front name for Episode VIII, is up to.

Last March, he posted the scouting sets for the Ireland leg of the shoot, a full two months before it happened:

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Then in early May, he announced that Adam Driver was going to join Mark Hamill and Daisy Ridley in Ireland for the Ahch-To shoot, and even broke down their scenes by location.

Adam did arrive one week later on May 13:

ky10rey leak spoiler

With that out of the way, let’s get to the juicy stuff. Here’s the exclusive intel from KY10REY.

On Jedi History 1.1

  • A fair number of readers have commented on the poor prose and scriptwriting, with one commenting that “if this is a leak, it sounds like it was transcribed or overheard.”
  • That’s because it is — it came from a storyboard. KY10REY says “phones, cameras and tablets are not allowed… but pen and paper are”. He was actually writing down what he saw from memory as best as he could.
  • The tree on Ahch-To is really old, “even older than the Jedi”
  • “If you look at the tree from a vertical aspect, it’s actually not complete.” That’s because he claims that “most static items are just reference holders for ILM”. Presumably, the tree will be enhanced, or even have its appearance changed outright through VFX.

episode 8 tree leak

On the Ireland filming

  • The shooting schedule included a 4-day safety window in case they ran into inclement weather
  • Thankfully, the notoriously uncooperative Irish climate turned out to be good, so much so that “we had to use our poor weather truck”
  • This specialized vehicle was probably designed to create rain effects, during what we presume is the climactic battle between Luke and Rey and the Knights of Ren (which KY10REY can’t confirm or deny)
  • The waterfall at Malin Head will make a brief appearance, though parts of the scene are actually NOT shot in Ireland but someplace else (we’ll cover this in a future article)
  • Right after wrapping up in Ireland, part of the crew were sent to Germany and Italy to scout locations for the next movie, the Han Solo anthology film.

What’s happening now

  • Filming is back in the UK, although whether in Pinewood or other locations KY10REY won’t say
  • One of the scenes in the past week required a lot of pyrotechnics, which caused complaints among locals
  • The schedule this week has been so intense that an extra rest day was ordered, “that’s why Mark (Hamill) was mostly silent on Monday and Tuesday, but pretty active today”
  • There will be a break in filming come July so certain cast members can attend Star Wars Celebration in London

What we can expect

  • Despite director Rian Johnson’s home stretch post, the film has “several miles left to go”
  • The official wrap-up party for the production crew is still two months away
  • Rey had 42 minutes in The Force Awakens, but almost double the screen-time for Episode VIII

And the really juicy nuggets:

  • Expect the Episode VIII title reveal in the first week of November
  • The Rogue One main trailer will drop four weeks after the title reveal
  • There will also be a brief (2-second) teaser for Episode VIII
  • There were on-set rumors of more trees and seeds being taken to different planets, as well as mentions of Ben Kenobi. However “we are not filming any of that, so if true they must be for something else, like a backstory or tie-in comic.”

Note: In the past hour, several readers have asked why the Rogue One trailer is debuting too close to the movie, rather than during Star Wars Celebration. The key word is main trailer. TFA also had several trailers, but the most complete one (the international version) dropped on December 9, 2015, a mere one week before the movie itself.

Our guess is, shorter domestic trailers are used to generate hype in North America, where Star Wars is already familiar. However, for other regions where the franchise isn’t a cultural phenomenon (like China), Disney has a longer version. The newer, longer cut also helps sustain the momentum in the US, since it features extra footage not seen by American viewers. Anyway, we’ll just ask KY10REY about it when he’s able to sneak out once more.


Finally, KY10REY says he gets asked a lot about Luke and Rey, but not newcomer Kelly Marie Tran, known on set as “Pocket Rocket”.

Why should we pay more attention to her?

“Because her character will have a pivotal role towards the end. Her role was rewritten to increase screen time.”

We have more intel from our secret rendezvous, but Stormtrooper Larry has to get back to work (damn Powerpoint slides won’t do themselves). We’ll reserve those for another post if our alleged Bothan insider gives the green light.

KY10REY will release the next installment, Jedi History 2.1, before the end of June. So stay tuned!

UPDATE: For readers in the UK, the Metro newspaper will be publishing their own interview in tomorrow’s issue. Scoop a copy and see if they have different intel.

In the meantime, check out our own story how Ben Solo fell to the dark side!

 

UPDATE: IMDB “Leaker” Backtracks on Rey’s Origin

Update (June 20, 2016):  Mr_Ghostface_Lives has suddenly backtracked from his assertions and deleted his posts. See the latest news here.


About a week ago, noted IMDB user Mr_Ghostface_Lives came out with the sensational statement that Luke isn’t Rey’s father, and Leia will be using the Force in Star Wars Episode VIII before “being written out”.

A few hours ago, Mr_Ghostface_Lives seemed to backtrack from the former claim:

I just realised that there may be some misinterpretation of the material I read – remember I read it out of context and in pieces. The Leia using the Force stuff is 100% on the money, and I’m confident that will make the final cut, but the parentage of Rey… I just realised that it’s possible she may yet be Luke’s daughter, but he isn’t aware of it. There is no family “reunion” in the first half of the script and he doesn’t know her, but I just realised the possibility that he either didn’t know he’d fathered anyone, or didn’t know she’d survived some past incident. So, maybe there is a revelation later that I haven’t seen.

However, that said, I have to go back to what we know from TFA:

Rey can remember being abandoned on Jakku, so wouldn’t she remember if the father who raised her was Luke Skywalker? She also doesn’t have any memory of Luke, the Force or any Jedi training. So that pretty much makes her having been one of the new Jedi that Luke trained and Ben slaughtered virtually impossible. She has heard of Luke in myth and story only. If there’s a later reveal, I’m pretty certain neither of them are aware of it. I’m guessing that’s what Maz is for…

In short, he claims that:

  • His information comes from a written source, such as a script
  • He was only able to read it partially “in bits and pieces”, specifically the first half
  • He admits there may yet be revelations waiting in the other parts of the film

He also addressed a past claim that casts doubts on his credibility, and doubled down on the assertion that Leia WILL use the Force:

I said Finn was Lando’s son? I certainly don’t recall that, as I never heard that as anything but a rumour. Indeed I was not lying about the sets at Pinewood, and I’m not lying about Leia using the Force and then pretty much disappearing from the story. I could say how she uses it etc but I don’t want to give such specific spoilers. I’d much rather fuel people’s anticipation.

The “Finn is Lando’s son” are claims he made back in 2014 before The Force Awakens. You can see the full history of Mr_Ghostface_Lives’ claims here.

Finally, to leave you with a nugget, Mr_Ghostface_Lives replied to another IMDB thread entitled “I really hope there is a major twist in this film”:

Isn’t that the manoeuvre the Falcon made when setting record time for the Kessel Run?

Wait, no, it isn’t.

And Rey won’t turn bad.

anakin-reyYou sure about that?

Make sure to check out another alleged leaker: Ky10Rey and his Jedi History lesson!

Star Wars Episode VIII: Jedi History 1.1

When it comes to Star Wars Episode VIII, one of the more active followers is Ky10Rey.

This deeply entrenched Bothan has been obsessively covering the film production, like last month’s Ahch-To shoot in Ireland:

Last May 14, Ky10Rey tweeted this cryptic message:

Today, after a month, we finally get our first look at what Ky10Rey claims to be Jedi history 1.1 for Episode VIII:

star wars episode viii 8 jedi history tree ahchto leak spoiler

Analysis:

  • “Clear Horizon” is allegedly the code name for one of the shooting locations in Ireland. The scene was described as “involving a character observing the landscape from a cliff-top vantage point.”

These set outlines were posted by Ky10Rey on March 3, two months before the Ireland shooting. “Space Bear” is the working title for Episode VIII.

  • The tree is most likely the mystical, out-of-place looking tree in the Ahch-To set built in Longcross Studios, UK.

episode 8 tree

  • The line “I feel pain… death. It has begun” might be the scene where Luke and Rey feel the peril being faced by Finn and Leia according to an earlier leak. Then again, it might also be the First Order attacking the Resistance base on D’qar, or the alleged invasion of the temporary Republic capital.
  • The final line “Rey if we are to _____ you have until sunset” hints at a pivotal choice by Rey. And since the deadline appears to be “by sunset”, this scene might take place just before the Knights of Ren begin their assault, which was reported to take place at dusk.
  • If this is true, it confirms the IMDB claim that Rey isn’t Luke’s daughter. We see her parents in this vision, along with a mysterious companion!

Stormtrooper Larry makes no guarantees on the authenticity of Ky10Rey’s Jedi history lesson. As always, take your intel with a grain of salt (and a healthy dose of Corellian ale).

If you’re hungry for more Star Wars, check out the Rogue One leak hilariously rewritten by a spambot!

Hamming it up with Hamill: The Latest on Episode 8’s Luke Skywalker

Last year, the biggest star of The Force Awakens was also the one without any lines — Luke Skywalker. The whole film turned out to be one big hunt for the MIA Jedi master.

So what’s the latest on Mark Hamill, the face of the Star Wars saga? We gathered this week’s news so you don’t have to!

Busy bee

In an interview yesterday with Entertainment Weekly, Mark revealed how busy he was with Star Wars Episode VIII.

“It’s been 6 a.m. calls every morning, and I have another one tomorrow.” In fact, he’s so caught up in the latest installment that he takes a bath way ahead. “I’m taking to showering the night before, so I just roll out of bed 15 minutes before, and then go straight to the studio.”

An unwashed Luke? Stormtrooper Larry can’t help but think of this:

episode 8 luke skywalker

Thankfully, filming for Episode VIII is finally wrapping up, and he can soon let go of his Force beard:

Asked if he had any lines in the movie this time, Mark’s tense response was “I can’t confirm or deny.” He can go toe-to-toe against the Sith, but even Luke Skywalker can’t go against his NDA.

Returning to the US

Despite Episode VIII wrapping up, Mark won’t be able to return stateside just yet.

In the same interview, he revealed he might not make it to this year’s Comic-Con, where he’s supposed to debut his new digital series Pop Culture Quest“It doesn’t look like I’m gonna be able to make it this year, because of the shooting schedule here”, referring to Pinewood Studios in the UK. “I don’t get back until the third week in July.”

Mark has been living on London for the past year. He was required to return to Skellig Michael for the first footage of Episode VIII in November, even before The Force Awakens screened in theaters. By January, principal photography for the sequel was in full swing, and Mark’s been busy ever since.

star-wars-luke-skellig-michael

While the film wraps up this month, he still won’t be able to attend the Comic-Con in July due to Star Wars Celebration. This year’s Celebration will be held in London on July 15, just one week before Comic-Con, hence the reason for not being able to commit to San Diego.

Twitter banter

After working with Episode VIII director Rian Johnson for the past year, it seems he and Mark have a chummy relationship.

After Rian posted his temporary London address on Twitter, Mark replied:

Rian happened to reside in St. Lukes Road, a ritzy place in Notting Hill.

Then the Episode 8 director teased a preview of a Jedi cloak on Twitter to mark the home stretch of the filming:

Mark responded:

Although Stormtrooper Larry knows the truth. Disney ordered that cloak to be reshot after the first one was too gritty:

star wars episode 8 luke robe rian johnson leak

We hope to see an action-packed Mark Hamill in Episode VIII… whether washed or unwashed!

Meanwhile, check out the mysterious licensed Lucasfilm painting entitled “Rey Skywalker”!

Star Wars Episode VIII: No US Filming

Today, we received this inquiry from one of our readers:

“Do you know they’re going to film all this month in Las Vegas in the desert for Jakku scenes? So do you think this will be the final third act of the film?”

– James Wright, Virginia

James’ belief is a familiar tune.

Last March, it was speculated that Star Wars: Episode VIII will be filming in Las Vegas. Making Star Wars reported that director Rian Johnson and crew were scouting locations west of Las Vegas, ostensibly to represent:

  • the desert landscape of Jakku, or
  • the reported casino scene that Luke and Rey will visit

A number of websites also referenced this tidbit from Clancy Report, a dubious site that didn’t cite any sources for its info:

Writer and director Rian Johnson is said to have personally chosen the location and will need the help of an extraordinarily large number of extras from Las Vegas and the surrounding area.  Reports claim that a big reason in choosing to film in Nevada is that the state has recently been providing significant incentives to production companies that choose to film in their state.

Today, in response to a US fan asking about extras, director Rian Johnson took to Twitter to deny shooting not just in Vegas, but anywhere in the States:

The production epicenter of Star Wars is currently Pinewood Studios in London. Episode VIII is now filming there, while Rogue One will start the reshoots next month. After that, the massive soundstages will be the home of young Han Solo come January.

Some of the work for Episode VIII has been outsourced to Longcross Studios in Surrey, home of the life-size Falcon and Ahch-To set. The Daily Mail and other outlets mistook it for Pinewood, and the set has suffered numerous break-ins from intrepid spies and urban explorers. Also involved in Episode VIII production is Imaginarium Studios, a digital studio specializing in motion-capture scenes founded by Andy Serkis (who also plays Snoke).

Episode VIII was also rumored to be scouting locations in Iceland, as well as caves in Mexico. However, Rian may have resolved the latter by building his own cave/cliff/granite mountainside in Pinewood last week:

A post shared by Rian Johnson (@riancjohnson) on

So no, James from Virginia, it seems like Episode VIII won’t be coming stateside. Though it would be nice if the rumored “binary sunset” scene would be shot in Death Valley, as a throwback to A New Hope!


Can’t wait for Episode VIII? Check out the latest on Rogue One and its mysterious orange crates!

Star Wars Episode VIII: Photoshopped Leaks!

Now that Star Wars Episode VIII is done filming in Ireland, Stormtrooper Larry can finally share exclusive intel with our loyal readers!

You see, we actually visited the set and took some upclose and never-before-seen spy shots of Episode VIII in Ceann Sibal and Dunmore Head, Ireland!

The crashed ship

On the first day, we managed to catch the “crashed ship” sequence mentioned by the popular Making Star Wars:

episode 8 crash ship.jpg

From this angle, the crashed ship appears to have two wings and a propeller. Maybe Kylo is a fan of vintage ships just like Count Dooku.

And if that’s indeed his ship being surrounded by his Knights of Ren, then he’s just as bad a pilot as his father, who also crashed while making Episode VII.

The tiny Ahch-To ship

Next, we saw this mockup of a tiny ship. But while everyone’s attention was focused on the small prop, we discovered something else. Something so big and obvious we’re surprised no one mentioned it until now:

episode-8-small-ship

Do you see it? It’s so obvious…… the tiny sheep!

Why is Luke’s planet filled with a bunch of sheep? Could they be native life forms? Maybe they’re Luke’s food source, as well as a convenient source of fluffy Jedi robes.

The Jedi temple

Our next stop: the rumored first Jedi Temple. It seems we were wrong all along:

episode 8 first jedi temple.jpg

The first Jedi temple was gaudy, ostentatious and in bad taste. And from the banners on the ramparts, the symbol of the first Jedi order was mouse ears.

We have no idea why they would build their tacky temple on the side of a cliff.

The huge creature

Further down the coast, we managed to sneak a shot of the rumored alien that will figure in the confrontation between Luke, Rey and the Knights of Ren:

episode-8-giant-alien.jpg

It seems to be a new type of creature. At one point, Luke was spotted taking small chunks of its fluffy body and roasting them over a bonfire.

Poor Luke must’ve lost his mind while in exile.

Cast photos

On our last day, we managed to access the set for a few minutes before we were booted out by security. Here’s the only image we got:

episode 8 daisy ridley

That’s Daisy Ridley in full costume. She appears to be talking intently with a new character known only as “Larry”. Rumors say the mysterious character will play her love interest in Episode VIII. Could he be the cameo by Tom Hardy? Whatever the case, we’re sure Larry is a good-looking guy.

Finally, we have this tweet from Director Rian Johnson calling it a wrap:

rian johnson episode 8 leak

Johnson sure has a good eye for spotting talent.

PS: During our stay, a local hobo kept hounding us for change and “a ride off-planet”. Here’s his pic in case anyone knows his family:

episode 8 luke skywalker.jpg

 

Star Wars Episode VIII: New Photos of the Millennium Falcon (including Interior)!

 

Today, let’s take a break from the regular programming about Rogue One. For our weekend heist, we return to the shrouded mystery that is Star Wars Episode VIII!

This time, we bring you new spy shots of the Millennium Falcon for Episode VIII from the intrepid Bothan spynet of 28 Days Later, a forum for urban explorers. So head on over to check them out!

Here’s analysis of the shots:

  • The Daily Mail was wrong: the earlier leaked photos of the Ahch-To set showing the Falcon and the scorched tree are NOT in Pinewood Studios. They were actually taken in Longcross Studios, 25 miles away from Pinewood!
  • As expected of a Star Wars film, the Falcon prop is top-notch and amazingly detailed. Everything from the AG-2G quad laser cannons up top to the various cables and greeblies hanging from the landing gear is faithfully reproduced.
  • Conversely, there is ship interior as expected. The spy shots are the first to go inside the open ramp of the Falcon (our hats off to BHG for being such a brave Bothan). While there’s enough room inside to stand around, it’s a hollow shell. The Falcon prop will likely be used for framing and walk-around shots, but a different in-studio mockup will be used for the interior scenes.
  • There’s an accessible cockpit area, and it’s pointed right at the mysterious Force tree.
  • Longcross Studios is actually in Surrey. It is separate from the Pinewood Studios set in Buckinghamshire and consists of five studios, all built on a former Defence Ministry tank facility. Other movies shot there include Skyfall, Guardians of the Galaxy and Thor: The Dark World. 

If there’s anything cooler than seeing the Falcon, it’s knowing that it’s resting on an actual proving ground that used to churn out tanks!

UPDATE: We received permission from the urban exploration site 28 Days Later to link back to the original post. So head on over there before Disney finds out!

Stay tuned tomorrow as we take a closer look at Luke’s tree! Meanwhile, check out Stormtrooper Larry’s faceoff with the notorious Chewbacca Mask Lady!

 

Kylo Ren’s Password Problem

Several years before The Force Awakens…

Young Ben Solo sat cross-legged on the floor. Very carefully, he set down the holocron in front of him and prepared to do his Jedi homework.

Holocrons, or holographic chronicles, were crystal devices that held ancient lessons. Today he was going to learn from the esteemed Master Yoda.

Before Ben could start, his friend Ron poked his head in the doorway. “Hey man, wanna watch some Twi’lek porn with us?”

Ben shook his head. “No thanks, you know we’re not supposed to watch those. Besides, I have homework to do.”

“Suit yourself. Later dude!”

twilek dancers monthly“It’s your loss Ben!”

Ben cleared images of sexy Twi’lek dancers from his mind and activated the holocron. A tiny hologram of Master Yoda appeared.

“Your password you must enter, if you wish to learn.”

On the holographic keyboard, Ben typed:

> crossguardlightsabersarecool

“Expired your password is. Change it you must, from the Sith and the IT department.  Would you like to change it now?”

Ben clicked YES.

“Your new password you will enter.”

> saber

At least 8 characters your password must have.”

> ihavebigsaber

“A capitalized character there should be, for cunning the Sith are.”

> ihavebigBIGsaber

“A number you should include, if you are not a dimwitted Gammorrean. Mmhehehehemmm.”

force-ghost-yoda.jpg“A stupid password that is, like 1234.”

Ben was starting to get pissed.

> ihaveBIGsaber69

“Weak your password is, young padawan. Try again. Mmhehehehemmm.”

> ihaveaBIGfuckingsaber69

“Still weak your password is. Disappointed in you, your father will be. Mmhehehehemmm.”

Ron stuck his head in the doorway again. “Hey bro, we’re gonna Force-torture some mynocks behind the gym. Wanna join?”

Ben screamed. “NO! GET THE FUCK OUT, I’M TRYING TO CONCENTRATE!”

“Geez man, okay.”

Ben Force-slammed the door and typed furiously:

> BIGgoddamnfuckingsaber69!!!!!

“Not allowed special characters are, little nerfbrain. Mmhehehehemmm.”

> BIGgoddamnfuckingsaberwithfuckinglittlecrossguardsabersontheside69

“A mismatch there is. Type your password again, you will mmhehehehemm.”

FUCK!

While the little Yoda hologram was still going “mmhehehehemm”, Ben Force-hurled the holocron against the wall, where it shattered into a million pieces. The lesson was supposed to be Jedi Calm and Patience 101.

Ben buried his face in his hands. He didn’t finish what he started.

Ron cautiously stuck his head in the door again.

“Hey dude, we’re gonna poke around the old Sith ruins in Korriban. Wanna come?”

Ben looked up.

“Yeah, I’m tired of this nerfshit. I could use a break.”

“Awesome! Meet you ’round back in 10.”

Fuck this Jedi shit. Uncle Luke had probably cheaped out again and bought pirated holocrons. While he was off searching for the first Jedi temple (or more likely spending time in the space casino), Ben was studying his ass off in his room.

He figured he deserved to have some fun with the gang. The Knights of Ron and Ben weren’t complete without him.

As Ben left to join his friends, the little Yoda hologram fizzled once before fading out.

“An error there is. Update your holocron to the latest version you should. Mmhehehehemmm.”

yoda laugh.gif“Ads you can remove with the paid version. Mmhehehehemmm.”


Liked this story? Then be sure to read the one about the showdown on Tatooine!