Tag Archives: rey kenobi

Star Wars Episode VIII According to a Spambot!

Last time, we looked at the Rogue One visual guide book leak through the eyes of a spambot.

Today, while stuck in a boring synergy meeting, Stormtrooper Larry wandered over to the ol’ spam site again, to see its penetrating insights on Star Wars Episode VIII.

Here’s what we found.

We may well be years clear of the release of Star Wars Episode VIII, however as The Pressure Awakens taught us, that point can fly earlier in no time.

Little is understood approximately what VIII’s tale will cling, however we do recognize that it’s going to pick out up immediately after The Drive Awakens, with Rey having found out Luke Skywalker’s whereabouts, as showed by way of the teaser trailer.

Clearly this bot has memory issues. Which is it: The Pressure Awakens or The Drive Awakens? Next thing you’ll be saying it’s The Exertion Rouses!

star wars force awakens funny

Profound questions

Despite the bot’s dementia, it was insightful enough to ask penetrating questions:

The Drive Awakens left many questions unanswered. Who’s Rey in reality? Is Finn Drive delicate? What is with C-3PO’s pink arm? Why is R2-D2, the bearer of all wisdom who refuses to inform any person anything else, this sort of dick?

So in the intervening years between The Pressure Awakens and Episode VIII, it seems Threepio’s arm has changed from red to pink. That prissy droid changes arms like a handbag.

Forget about whether Finn is Force sensitive… the real question is: is he Drive delicate? And more importantly, why is R2-D2 such a goddawful dick? Those are the hard-hitting questions that fans demand to know, Abrams!

r2d2 funnyI swear Artoo, you’re such a dick!

A pleasurable solution to Rey

Colin Trevorrow, who will probably be directing Episode IX, has already promised us a “profoundly pleasurable” solution to the thriller surrounding Rey’s oldsters.

“Rey is a personality that may be essential on this universe, now not simply within the context of The Pressure Awakens, however in all of the galaxy,” he stated. “She merits it. We’re going to be sure that that solution is one thing that feels love it used to be one thing that came about a very long time in the past, a long way away, and we are simply telling you what came about.”

While we don’t understand a single word about the solution to Rey’s oldsters, we’re thrilled to know it will be a “profoundly pleasurable” one. In fact, we feel a disturbance in the Pressure, as if a million voices sighed with anticipation, from Reywalkers to Reynobis.

Torn between the darkness and the sunshine

The Drive Awakens ended with a wounded Kylo Ren being taken to Very best Chief Snoke to finish his coaching – however what does that imply?

We think one of the most movie will display Luke coaching Rey, reminiscent of his personal coaching from Yoda in The Empire Moves Again. It is going to even be fascinating to peer how Kylo Ren’s personality develops. He simply murdered his personal father, however he is nonetheless conflicted among the darkish aspect and the sunshine – or used to be Han’s dying the general a part of his transition to Sith?

Well if you ask us, Stormtrooper Larry thinks that Ben’s “simple murder” of his personal father cemented him into the darkish part of the Pressure.

We also think that Very best Chief Snoke isn’t a Sith (they became extinct in Recurrence of the Jedi), but that guy surely ain’t part of the sunshine.

kylo ren torn apart funny.gif

Btw, anybody got a copy of The Empire Moves Again?

 

VIDEO: The Falcon’s 15-Second Flight

 

What if Rey isn’t as good of a pilot as she thinks she is? We get an alternate ending to The Force Awakens!

EXCLUSIVE: A Behind-the-Scenes Look at Episode VIII from an Alleged Production Insider

A couple of days ago, we brought you the sensational Jedi History 1.1 lesson from KY10REY, who purports to be a production insider for Star Wars: Episode VIII.

Today, Stormtrooper Larry sat down with KY10REY to find out more about the film. Whether his claims are true or not, we leave up to you.

We’ve reserved the juiciest stuff at the end.

Who is KY10REY?

He first appeared in February 2016, when principal photography for Episode VIII started. KY10REY claims to be part of the production crew at Pinewood Studios with insider knowledge of the film’s progress.

Why should we listen to him?

KY10REY seems to have advance knowledge of what Space Bear Industries, the front name for Episode VIII, is up to.

Last March, he posted the scouting sets for the Ireland leg of the shoot, a full two months before it happened:

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Then in early May, he announced that Adam Driver was going to join Mark Hamill and Daisy Ridley in Ireland for the Ahch-To shoot, and even broke down their scenes by location.

Adam did arrive one week later on May 13:

ky10rey leak spoiler

With that out of the way, let’s get to the juicy stuff. Here’s the exclusive intel from KY10REY.

On Jedi History 1.1

  • A fair number of readers have commented on the poor prose and scriptwriting, with one commenting that “if this is a leak, it sounds like it was transcribed or overheard.”
  • That’s because it is — it came from a storyboard. KY10REY says “phones, cameras and tablets are not allowed… but pen and paper are”. He was actually writing down what he saw from memory as best as he could.
  • The tree on Ahch-To is really old, “even older than the Jedi”
  • “If you look at the tree from a vertical aspect, it’s actually not complete.” That’s because he claims that “most static items are just reference holders for ILM”. Presumably, the tree will be enhanced, or even have its appearance changed outright through VFX.

episode 8 tree leak

On the Ireland filming

  • The shooting schedule included a 4-day safety window in case they ran into inclement weather
  • Thankfully, the notoriously uncooperative Irish climate turned out to be good, so much so that “we had to use our poor weather truck”
  • This specialized vehicle was probably designed to create rain effects, during what we presume is the climactic battle between Luke and Rey and the Knights of Ren (which KY10REY can’t confirm or deny)
  • The waterfall at Malin Head will make a brief appearance, though parts of the scene are actually NOT shot in Ireland but someplace else (we’ll cover this in a future article)
  • Right after wrapping up in Ireland, part of the crew were sent to Germany and Italy to scout locations for the next movie, the Han Solo anthology film.

What’s happening now

  • Filming is back in the UK, although whether in Pinewood or other locations KY10REY won’t say
  • One of the scenes in the past week required a lot of pyrotechnics, which caused complaints among locals
  • The schedule this week has been so intense that an extra rest day was ordered, “that’s why Mark (Hamill) was mostly silent on Monday and Tuesday, but pretty active today”
  • There will be a break in filming come July so certain cast members can attend Star Wars Celebration in London

What we can expect

  • Despite director Rian Johnson’s home stretch post, the film has “several miles left to go”
  • The official wrap-up party for the production crew is still two months away
  • Rey had 42 minutes in The Force Awakens, but almost double the screen-time for Episode VIII

And the really juicy nuggets:

  • Expect the Episode VIII title reveal in the first week of November
  • The Rogue One main trailer will drop four weeks after the title reveal
  • There will also be a brief (2-second) teaser for Episode VIII
  • There were on-set rumors of more trees and seeds being taken to different planets, as well as mentions of Ben Kenobi. However “we are not filming any of that, so if true they must be for something else, like a backstory or tie-in comic.”

Note: In the past hour, several readers have asked why the Rogue One trailer is debuting too close to the movie, rather than during Star Wars Celebration. The key word is main trailer. TFA also had several trailers, but the most complete one (the international version) dropped on December 9, 2015, a mere one week before the movie itself.

Our guess is, shorter domestic trailers are used to generate hype in North America, where Star Wars is already familiar. However, for other regions where the franchise isn’t a cultural phenomenon (like China), Disney has a longer version. The newer, longer cut also helps sustain the momentum in the US, since it features extra footage not seen by American viewers. Anyway, we’ll just ask KY10REY about it when he’s able to sneak out once more.


Finally, KY10REY says he gets asked a lot about Luke and Rey, but not newcomer Kelly Marie Tran, known on set as “Pocket Rocket”.

Why should we pay more attention to her?

“Because her character will have a pivotal role towards the end. Her role was rewritten to increase screen time.”

We have more intel from our secret rendezvous, but Stormtrooper Larry has to get back to work (damn Powerpoint slides won’t do themselves). We’ll reserve those for another post if our alleged Bothan insider gives the green light.

KY10REY will release the next installment, Jedi History 2.1, before the end of June. So stay tuned!

UPDATE: For readers in the UK, the Metro newspaper will be publishing their own interview in tomorrow’s issue. Scoop a copy and see if they have different intel.

In the meantime, check out our own story how Ben Solo fell to the dark side!

 

EXCLUSIVE: The Truth Behind the Licensed “Rey Skywalker” Painting

Update: Two hours ago Pablo Hidalgo tweeted a sly remark addressing the painting. See new info below.

This morning, eagle-eyed Redditor “ConOrr” posted an interesting find on the Star Wars Leaks subreddit: “Rey’s Lineage confirmed by credible Lucasfilm artist“.

It turns out there is a Lucasfilm licensed painting of Rey, curiously entitled “Rey Skywalker”:

Rey Skywalker 1.jpg

Rey Skywalker 2

The painting is the work of Rodel Gonzalez, a Filipino artist licensed by the Lucasfilm group to produce authorized art. His work has been featured in San Diego Comic-Con and other major events.

The painting itself, a 14″ x 11″ canvas entitled “Rey Skywalker” has a list price of USD $2,600. It’s currently on display at the Solaire Resort & Casino in Manila, the Philippines, alongside Gonzalez’s exhibit of other Star Wars and Disney artworks.

Stormtrooper Larry reached out to the artist and received this response:

“It is an original so there is no COA [Cert of Authenticity]. [These] are given to those submitted and catalogued for reproduction as limited editions. This painting is a stand alone original and a study work of the artist. As for the title, it is named Rey and not Rey Skywalker so it’s a small error we’ll correct.

So that puts an end to the dreams of the Reywalker theory being outed by licensing. Although it should be noted that many Star Wars plot leaks do come from merchandising, just not this time.

The Hawaii-based Gonzalez has been producing licensed interpretative art for Disney since 2008. When Disney acquired Lucasfilm, he was invited to be part of ACME Archives Ltd, the exclusive publishing arm for Star Wars art. He signed aboard in 2015 and has focused on Star Wars since.

According to Pablo Hidalgo, only a few people in the Lucasfilm Story Group are aware of the full story arc. And more interestingly, in a since-deleted Twitter conversation this week, he relayed how the storyline of the new trilogy is planned “years in advance”, unlike the contradictory twists of the old EU. (We wanna find the tweet, but it’s Saturday and the couch is too comfy).

So it’s highly unlikely that LFL licensees would be privy to Rey’s lineage. In an interview last month, not even the Oscar-nominated editor behind The Force Awakens knew who Rey’s parents are.

Update (June 12, 8 pm EST):

Here’s Pablo Hidalgo’s sly Twitter reaction to the whole thing:

As mentioned, the ACME he is referring to is ACME Archives, the exclusive publisher of Star Wars art.

And in case anyone’s interested, Stormtrooper Larry has his own masterpiece:

“Star-crossed Lovers at Sunset”

rey skywalker jakkuE-ink on digital canvas, 2016

We accept all major credit cards, sixty portions, or a Hasbro stormtrooper (preferably non-licked).


Shoutout to Reddit user ConOrr as the OP, and Bothan informants WorldDevastator and Dexter Morgan for the tip!

For more Stormtrooper Larry masterpieces, check out our original Rogue One footage before Disney came in and ruined it!

 

The Backup Plan

“Evolved, the Sith have. Grew complacent we did, while more cunning they became. If hope is to survive, then adapt we must.”

 

Imagine you are one of the last two Jedi left in the galaxy. From a considerable force once numbering in the thousands, in one broad stroke your entire group was suddenly and almost completely annihilated, until only two of you were left.

Your sole hope rests in two infants, a boy and a girl. You hope that someday they will grow strong in the Force like their father, and continue the millennia-long tradition of the Jedi. For now however, they are simply too young, and they must be kept hidden if the light side is to endure.

So you decide to split them up: one is sent to a backwater planet that attracts little attention, the other goes to a staunchly independent world firmly opposed to tyranny.

AlderaLake-ROTS.png

And yet, the risk is too great. All over the galaxy, the shadow of darkness is creeping, and it would be unthinkable to pin the Jedi’s continued existence on two helpless infants that could be caught at any time. As the Choon’ta saying went, “Don’t pour all your credits in one bet.”

And so you adapt. The old Jedi order is gone, and with it all traditions and long-held beliefs. Just as the Sith evolved to take over the Republic, so too must the Jedi change to avoid extinction.

In your desert world of exile, you encounter a woman strong in the Force. She is too old to be trained, and you have already failed with your last padawan.

So instead of taking on an apprentice, you do the unthinkable: you begin a relationship with the woman. As a man of the galaxy, you easily win her affection, since the gifted but naive girl has never even seen the stars.

In time she falls in love.

obi wan kiss

Unfortunately, you don’t feel the same. After all, you are a product of the old order, one that forbids attachment or affection. You’ve grown too old to be flexible, and it fills you with loathing to be using someone who loves you with all her being.

Eventually, you accomplish your goal: she sires your offspring. You look forward to settling down and molding your son in the light. However, the enemy is everywhere, and a flame that shines brightly cannot be hidden for long. Shortly after your son’s birth, you experience the first attack, one out of many to come. By the fifth incident, it has grown grave enough to involve the dreaded troopers in black.

There is no respite from the Empire. To ensure their survival, you abandon your family in the middle of the night. While your wife sleeps, you kiss her one last time and pull the old Jedi mind wipe. As far as your family is concerned, you were killed in a Tusken raid during the Great Drought.

Filled with a deep sense of shame, you continue to watch them from afar, making sure their needs are met. Each time you can’t help but feel the sense of sadness and heartbreak radiating from the mother. But there is little you can do, for you know that returning will put their lives at risk.

You spend your time watching between your two charges: one sired by your former apprentice, and the other from your own seed. It’s funny how the Empire combs the hyperlanes, ruthlessly hunting down sentients who show even modest Force potential. While on this backwater planet in the Outer Rim are the beings who could someday challenge the Emperor’s reign, the same planet where it all started.

You remember a briefing you gave to your clonetroopers a lifetime ago: “For every Plan Aurek, there must be a Plan Bacta. And it doesn’t hurt to have a Plan Crishna.” You have no idea how the female twin is doing, for to contact Alderaan is to put them at risk. So you operate on the assumption that the future rests on this barren desert world. You only know that now there is a real possibility of survival. And now that you are caring for two of them, you resolve never to get caught alive.

As the months become years, the sadness of your lonely exile grows into guarded hope. Both boys show strong potential, though you’ve had to secretly intervene several times in their wild adolescent years. One day, one or both of them will be old enough to carry on the Jedi tradition. Perhaps one day they will even have their own academy, and train a new generation of guardians. Or maybe it will be their offspring, still imbued with the Force, who will restore freedom to the galaxy. This is the dream that keeps you alive in your lonely hovel in the desert.

And yet, knowing all of these doesn’t assuage your feeling of guilt for abandoning her. You can only hope that someday, you can finally explain everything to Riella. And finally connect with your own son, Ren.

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Liked this story? Then be sure to read this one about the showdown on Sunset boulevard!