Tag Archives: rey

Star Wars Episode VIII According to a Spambot!

Last time, we looked at the Rogue One visual guide book leak through the eyes of a spambot.

Today, while stuck in a boring synergy meeting, Stormtrooper Larry wandered over to the ol’ spam site again, to see its penetrating insights on Star Wars Episode VIII.

Here’s what we found.

We may well be years clear of the release of Star Wars Episode VIII, however as The Pressure Awakens taught us, that point can fly earlier in no time.

Little is understood approximately what VIII’s tale will cling, however we do recognize that it’s going to pick out up immediately after The Drive Awakens, with Rey having found out Luke Skywalker’s whereabouts, as showed by way of the teaser trailer.

Clearly this bot has memory issues. Which is it: The Pressure Awakens or The Drive Awakens? Next thing you’ll be saying it’s The Exertion Rouses!

star wars force awakens funny

Profound questions

Despite the bot’s dementia, it was insightful enough to ask penetrating questions:

The Drive Awakens left many questions unanswered. Who’s Rey in reality? Is Finn Drive delicate? What is with C-3PO’s pink arm? Why is R2-D2, the bearer of all wisdom who refuses to inform any person anything else, this sort of dick?

So in the intervening years between The Pressure Awakens and Episode VIII, it seems Threepio’s arm has changed from red to pink. That prissy droid changes arms like a handbag.

Forget about whether Finn is Force sensitive… the real question is: is he Drive delicate? And more importantly, why is R2-D2 such a goddawful dick? Those are the hard-hitting questions that fans demand to know, Abrams!

r2d2 funnyI swear Artoo, you’re such a dick!

A pleasurable solution to Rey

Colin Trevorrow, who will probably be directing Episode IX, has already promised us a “profoundly pleasurable” solution to the thriller surrounding Rey’s oldsters.

“Rey is a personality that may be essential on this universe, now not simply within the context of The Pressure Awakens, however in all of the galaxy,” he stated. “She merits it. We’re going to be sure that that solution is one thing that feels love it used to be one thing that came about a very long time in the past, a long way away, and we are simply telling you what came about.”

While we don’t understand a single word about the solution to Rey’s oldsters, we’re thrilled to know it will be a “profoundly pleasurable” one. In fact, we feel a disturbance in the Pressure, as if a million voices sighed with anticipation, from Reywalkers to Reynobis.

Torn between the darkness and the sunshine

The Drive Awakens ended with a wounded Kylo Ren being taken to Very best Chief Snoke to finish his coaching – however what does that imply?

We think one of the most movie will display Luke coaching Rey, reminiscent of his personal coaching from Yoda in The Empire Moves Again. It is going to even be fascinating to peer how Kylo Ren’s personality develops. He simply murdered his personal father, however he is nonetheless conflicted among the darkish aspect and the sunshine – or used to be Han’s dying the general a part of his transition to Sith?

Well if you ask us, Stormtrooper Larry thinks that Ben’s “simple murder” of his personal father cemented him into the darkish part of the Pressure.

We also think that Very best Chief Snoke isn’t a Sith (they became extinct in Recurrence of the Jedi), but that guy surely ain’t part of the sunshine.

kylo ren torn apart funny.gif

Btw, anybody got a copy of The Empire Moves Again?

 

Advertisements

Saved by the Beer

This is a spin-off of last week’s short story, Father’s Day with Han Solo.


In an alternate universe, several years before The Force Awakens….

Old Gary the stormtrooper sat sadly in the cantina.

Formerly TK-1287, the retired trooper was having a bad day. He blew what remained of his life savings on a bad bet — he backed the wrong team in the Kessel Races. Now all Gary had left were his blaster and a couple of credits.

Someone took the bar stool next to him, an old man with a scarred face. Silently, Gary debated whether he can mooch him for a drink. But the old geezer didn’t look loaded with credits.

snoke funny“Maybe grandpa here has any credits? Naaah.”

Someone else took the stool on his other side, an old smuggler turned race team captain. That scoundrel Han Solo.

Maybe he can mooch him instead.

“That was a bad race man. Maybe you shoulda stayed in the smuggling business.”

Solo looked at him. “Yeah, the team’s not up to spec today. Do I know you?”

“Yeah man, TK-1287. We captured you back on Bespin!”

There was an awkward pause.

“If it helps, I backed your team today. And I voted for your wife in the Senate polls too.”

Han nodded. “Yeah well thanks for the vote of confidence. So whadya do now?”

“Me? I’m just a drifter seeing the galaxy. Didn’t get to see much during my service, just bulkheads and battlestations. How bout you? How’s the princess?”

“We’re doing alright. Leia’s busy doing political stuff. Me, I finally get to see the Falcon racing without being chased by turbolasers.”

“Great. Last I saw you, you were being carbonited — even told my son about it! Got any kids?”

jar jar carbonite funny
“Told him I was gonna carbonite him too if he didn’t shut up.”

“Yeah, just one. He’s in Jedi school taking after his uncle. Yours?”

“My little Larry’s in the academy taking after me. Taught him a few tricks too. Jedi school huh? That doesn’t sound good for the poor schmuck.”

Han glanced sideways at him. “What do you mean?”

“Well Vader went to Jedi school, look how that turned out for him. Spent a lotta time in his little black room shipside. Not very social, that guy.”

“Ha, I know what you mean. The asshole tortured me and didn’t even ask anything! Wish he knew I got to bang his daughter.”

“Yeah well that’s the Jedi for you. Maybe you oughta take your kid out, take him starship racin’ or teach him smuggling. The little fucker might turn into a whiny Sith before y’know it.”

Han got a faraway look. “Yeah, you’re right. Maybe I should. It’s been awhile since I paid Ben a visit. Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it. Lil squirt might not finish what he started.” Gary turned to face him. “So how ’bout that drink?”

But Han had already left.

Goddammit.

The old man in the other stool stood up too. Before he could leave after Han, Gary held his arm. “Hey man, got spare change for a drink?”

“No. Let go. I have Force children to take.”

“Force brats huh? Well there’s one on Jakku. Saw this little scavenger floating junk to her sled when I was marooned there.”

“I see. Thank you for the information.”

“No problem dude. So how ’bout that drink?”

But the old man had also left too.

Selfish fuckers.


Several years later….

ben solo rey

Debunked: IMDB Poster Says It’s All False Info

Update: Mr_Ghostface_Lives has just replied to our private message from two weeks ago. This is appended at the end.


A couple of weeks ago, we reported on an IMDB user called Mr_Ghostface_Lives who sensationally claimed that:

  • Luke is not Rey’s father
  • Leia gets written out early on, and only survives after using the Force

Today, Mr_Ghostface_Lives posted this on the Episode VII and Episode VIII message boards:

For whatever reasons, I made up the rumours I posted recently. I’m not employed by any entity related to Star Wars, I have no access to any tangible material to back up my theories and everything I’ve posted about the new films was pure guesswork.

Apologies.

Two hours ago, he followed up with an additional post:

I’ve never been fortunate enough to be near a Star Wars movie set, but I’m pretty intuitive when it comes to story and production and this isn’t the first time I’ve ruffled a few feathers by guessing correctly.

It’s not worth the hassle, so I’m going to just quit the prediction game and wait for the movie.

IMDB history

Mr_Ghostface_Lives made a name for himself during the run-up to The Force Awakens. He was able to get a number of locations right, such as “desert planet”, a “Hoth-type environment” and other assertions that sounded credible.

However, he also had some crucial misses, like his assertion that Finn is Lando’s son. His leak history is chronicled here.

When a fellow IMDB user brought up the Lando claims last week, Mr_Ghostface_Lives countered by saying that:

I said Finn was Lando’s son? I certainly don’t recall that, as I never heard that as anything but a rumour. Indeed I was not lying about the sets at Pinewood, and I’m not lying about Leia using the Force and then pretty much disappearing from the story. I could say how she uses it etc but I don’t want to give such specific spoilers. I’d much rather fuel people’s anticipation.

When confronted with his exact posts, however, he weakly claimed he was “drunk on wine” and was just having mischievous fun.

The unraveling

What Mr_Ghostface_Lives didn’t count on, however, was the publicity. When news of his “leak” gained traction on the web, he was forced to backtrack from his previous statement about Rey’s parentage:

I just realised that there may be some misinterpretation of the material I read – remember I read it out of context and in pieces.

The Leia using the Force stuff is 100% on the money, and I’m confident that will make the final cut, but the parentage of Rey… I just realised that it’s possible she may yet be Luke’s daughter, but he isn’t aware of it. There is no family “reunion” in the first half of the script and he doesn’t know her, but I just realised the possibility that he either didn’t know he’d fathered anyone, or didn’t know she’d survived some past incident. So, maybe there is a revelation later that I haven’t seen.

Currently, his posts regarding Episode VIII have already been deleted.


Update: We reached out to Mr_Ghostface_Lives back in June 10 when his post wasn’t viral yet. Today he finally replied:

mr_ghostface_lives

I appreciate your message but I can’t discuss this any further, I’ve been warned and I realise it was stupid to have posted anything. Regardless of the truth or otherwise of anything I may have said, I must retract everything I’ve posted. I have no access to any material regarding the new films, it was pure guesswork.

I wish you well.

Hmm.

VIDEO: The Falcon’s 15-Second Flight

 

What if Rey isn’t as good of a pilot as she thinks she is? We get an alternate ending to The Force Awakens!

EXCLUSIVE: A Behind-the-Scenes Look at Episode VIII from an Alleged Production Insider

A couple of days ago, we brought you the sensational Jedi History 1.1 lesson from KY10REY, who purports to be a production insider for Star Wars: Episode VIII.

Today, Stormtrooper Larry sat down with KY10REY to find out more about the film. Whether his claims are true or not, we leave up to you.

We’ve reserved the juiciest stuff at the end.

Who is KY10REY?

He first appeared in February 2016, when principal photography for Episode VIII started. KY10REY claims to be part of the production crew at Pinewood Studios with insider knowledge of the film’s progress.

Why should we listen to him?

KY10REY seems to have advance knowledge of what Space Bear Industries, the front name for Episode VIII, is up to.

Last March, he posted the scouting sets for the Ireland leg of the shoot, a full two months before it happened:

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Then in early May, he announced that Adam Driver was going to join Mark Hamill and Daisy Ridley in Ireland for the Ahch-To shoot, and even broke down their scenes by location.

Adam did arrive one week later on May 13:

ky10rey leak spoiler

With that out of the way, let’s get to the juicy stuff. Here’s the exclusive intel from KY10REY.

On Jedi History 1.1

  • A fair number of readers have commented on the poor prose and scriptwriting, with one commenting that “if this is a leak, it sounds like it was transcribed or overheard.”
  • That’s because it is — it came from a storyboard. KY10REY says “phones, cameras and tablets are not allowed… but pen and paper are”. He was actually writing down what he saw from memory as best as he could.
  • The tree on Ahch-To is really old, “even older than the Jedi”
  • “If you look at the tree from a vertical aspect, it’s actually not complete.” That’s because he claims that “most static items are just reference holders for ILM”. Presumably, the tree will be enhanced, or even have its appearance changed outright through VFX.

episode 8 tree leak

On the Ireland filming

  • The shooting schedule included a 4-day safety window in case they ran into inclement weather
  • Thankfully, the notoriously uncooperative Irish climate turned out to be good, so much so that “we had to use our poor weather truck”
  • This specialized vehicle was probably designed to create rain effects, during what we presume is the climactic battle between Luke and Rey and the Knights of Ren (which KY10REY can’t confirm or deny)
  • The waterfall at Malin Head will make a brief appearance, though parts of the scene are actually NOT shot in Ireland but someplace else (we’ll cover this in a future article)
  • Right after wrapping up in Ireland, part of the crew were sent to Germany and Italy to scout locations for the next movie, the Han Solo anthology film.

What’s happening now

  • Filming is back in the UK, although whether in Pinewood or other locations KY10REY won’t say
  • One of the scenes in the past week required a lot of pyrotechnics, which caused complaints among locals
  • The schedule this week has been so intense that an extra rest day was ordered, “that’s why Mark (Hamill) was mostly silent on Monday and Tuesday, but pretty active today”
  • There will be a break in filming come July so certain cast members can attend Star Wars Celebration in London

What we can expect

  • Despite director Rian Johnson’s home stretch post, the film has “several miles left to go”
  • The official wrap-up party for the production crew is still two months away
  • Rey had 42 minutes in The Force Awakens, but almost double the screen-time for Episode VIII

And the really juicy nuggets:

  • Expect the Episode VIII title reveal in the first week of November
  • The Rogue One main trailer will drop four weeks after the title reveal
  • There will also be a brief (2-second) teaser for Episode VIII
  • There were on-set rumors of more trees and seeds being taken to different planets, as well as mentions of Ben Kenobi. However “we are not filming any of that, so if true they must be for something else, like a backstory or tie-in comic.”

Note: In the past hour, several readers have asked why the Rogue One trailer is debuting too close to the movie, rather than during Star Wars Celebration. The key word is main trailer. TFA also had several trailers, but the most complete one (the international version) dropped on December 9, 2015, a mere one week before the movie itself.

Our guess is, shorter domestic trailers are used to generate hype in North America, where Star Wars is already familiar. However, for other regions where the franchise isn’t a cultural phenomenon (like China), Disney has a longer version. The newer, longer cut also helps sustain the momentum in the US, since it features extra footage not seen by American viewers. Anyway, we’ll just ask KY10REY about it when he’s able to sneak out once more.


Finally, KY10REY says he gets asked a lot about Luke and Rey, but not newcomer Kelly Marie Tran, known on set as “Pocket Rocket”.

Why should we pay more attention to her?

“Because her character will have a pivotal role towards the end. Her role was rewritten to increase screen time.”

We have more intel from our secret rendezvous, but Stormtrooper Larry has to get back to work (damn Powerpoint slides won’t do themselves). We’ll reserve those for another post if our alleged Bothan insider gives the green light.

KY10REY will release the next installment, Jedi History 2.1, before the end of June. So stay tuned!

UPDATE: For readers in the UK, the Metro newspaper will be publishing their own interview in tomorrow’s issue. Scoop a copy and see if they have different intel.

In the meantime, check out our own story how Ben Solo fell to the dark side!

 

UPDATE: IMDB “Leaker” Backtracks on Rey’s Origin

Update (June 20, 2016):  Mr_Ghostface_Lives has suddenly backtracked from his assertions and deleted his posts. See the latest news here.


About a week ago, noted IMDB user Mr_Ghostface_Lives came out with the sensational statement that Luke isn’t Rey’s father, and Leia will be using the Force in Star Wars Episode VIII before “being written out”.

A few hours ago, Mr_Ghostface_Lives seemed to backtrack from the former claim:

I just realised that there may be some misinterpretation of the material I read – remember I read it out of context and in pieces. The Leia using the Force stuff is 100% on the money, and I’m confident that will make the final cut, but the parentage of Rey… I just realised that it’s possible she may yet be Luke’s daughter, but he isn’t aware of it. There is no family “reunion” in the first half of the script and he doesn’t know her, but I just realised the possibility that he either didn’t know he’d fathered anyone, or didn’t know she’d survived some past incident. So, maybe there is a revelation later that I haven’t seen.

However, that said, I have to go back to what we know from TFA:

Rey can remember being abandoned on Jakku, so wouldn’t she remember if the father who raised her was Luke Skywalker? She also doesn’t have any memory of Luke, the Force or any Jedi training. So that pretty much makes her having been one of the new Jedi that Luke trained and Ben slaughtered virtually impossible. She has heard of Luke in myth and story only. If there’s a later reveal, I’m pretty certain neither of them are aware of it. I’m guessing that’s what Maz is for…

In short, he claims that:

  • His information comes from a written source, such as a script
  • He was only able to read it partially “in bits and pieces”, specifically the first half
  • He admits there may yet be revelations waiting in the other parts of the film

He also addressed a past claim that casts doubts on his credibility, and doubled down on the assertion that Leia WILL use the Force:

I said Finn was Lando’s son? I certainly don’t recall that, as I never heard that as anything but a rumour. Indeed I was not lying about the sets at Pinewood, and I’m not lying about Leia using the Force and then pretty much disappearing from the story. I could say how she uses it etc but I don’t want to give such specific spoilers. I’d much rather fuel people’s anticipation.

The “Finn is Lando’s son” are claims he made back in 2014 before The Force Awakens. You can see the full history of Mr_Ghostface_Lives’ claims here.

Finally, to leave you with a nugget, Mr_Ghostface_Lives replied to another IMDB thread entitled “I really hope there is a major twist in this film”:

Isn’t that the manoeuvre the Falcon made when setting record time for the Kessel Run?

Wait, no, it isn’t.

And Rey won’t turn bad.

anakin-reyYou sure about that?

Make sure to check out another alleged leaker: Ky10Rey and his Jedi History lesson!

Star Wars Episode VIII: Jedi History 1.1

When it comes to Star Wars Episode VIII, one of the more active followers is Ky10Rey.

This deeply entrenched Bothan has been obsessively covering the film production, like last month’s Ahch-To shoot in Ireland:

Last May 14, Ky10Rey tweeted this cryptic message:

Today, after a month, we finally get our first look at what Ky10Rey claims to be Jedi history 1.1 for Episode VIII:

star wars episode viii 8 jedi history tree ahchto leak spoiler

Analysis:

  • “Clear Horizon” is allegedly the code name for one of the shooting locations in Ireland. The scene was described as “involving a character observing the landscape from a cliff-top vantage point.”

These set outlines were posted by Ky10Rey on March 3, two months before the Ireland shooting. “Space Bear” is the working title for Episode VIII.

  • The tree is most likely the mystical, out-of-place looking tree in the Ahch-To set built in Longcross Studios, UK.

episode 8 tree

  • The line “I feel pain… death. It has begun” might be the scene where Luke and Rey feel the peril being faced by Finn and Leia according to an earlier leak. Then again, it might also be the First Order attacking the Resistance base on D’qar, or the alleged invasion of the temporary Republic capital.
  • The final line “Rey if we are to _____ you have until sunset” hints at a pivotal choice by Rey. And since the deadline appears to be “by sunset”, this scene might take place just before the Knights of Ren begin their assault, which was reported to take place at dusk.
  • If this is true, it confirms the IMDB claim that Rey isn’t Luke’s daughter. We see her parents in this vision, along with a mysterious companion!

Stormtrooper Larry makes no guarantees on the authenticity of Ky10Rey’s Jedi history lesson. As always, take your intel with a grain of salt (and a healthy dose of Corellian ale).

If you’re hungry for more Star Wars, check out the Rogue One leak hilariously rewritten by a spambot!

EXCLUSIVE: The Truth Behind the Licensed “Rey Skywalker” Painting

Update: Two hours ago Pablo Hidalgo tweeted a sly remark addressing the painting. See new info below.

This morning, eagle-eyed Redditor “ConOrr” posted an interesting find on the Star Wars Leaks subreddit: “Rey’s Lineage confirmed by credible Lucasfilm artist“.

It turns out there is a Lucasfilm licensed painting of Rey, curiously entitled “Rey Skywalker”:

Rey Skywalker 1.jpg

Rey Skywalker 2

The painting is the work of Rodel Gonzalez, a Filipino artist licensed by the Lucasfilm group to produce authorized art. His work has been featured in San Diego Comic-Con and other major events.

The painting itself, a 14″ x 11″ canvas entitled “Rey Skywalker” has a list price of USD $2,600. It’s currently on display at the Solaire Resort & Casino in Manila, the Philippines, alongside Gonzalez’s exhibit of other Star Wars and Disney artworks.

Stormtrooper Larry reached out to the artist and received this response:

“It is an original so there is no COA [Cert of Authenticity]. [These] are given to those submitted and catalogued for reproduction as limited editions. This painting is a stand alone original and a study work of the artist. As for the title, it is named Rey and not Rey Skywalker so it’s a small error we’ll correct.

So that puts an end to the dreams of the Reywalker theory being outed by licensing. Although it should be noted that many Star Wars plot leaks do come from merchandising, just not this time.

The Hawaii-based Gonzalez has been producing licensed interpretative art for Disney since 2008. When Disney acquired Lucasfilm, he was invited to be part of ACME Archives Ltd, the exclusive publishing arm for Star Wars art. He signed aboard in 2015 and has focused on Star Wars since.

According to Pablo Hidalgo, only a few people in the Lucasfilm Story Group are aware of the full story arc. And more interestingly, in a since-deleted Twitter conversation this week, he relayed how the storyline of the new trilogy is planned “years in advance”, unlike the contradictory twists of the old EU. (We wanna find the tweet, but it’s Saturday and the couch is too comfy).

So it’s highly unlikely that LFL licensees would be privy to Rey’s lineage. In an interview last month, not even the Oscar-nominated editor behind The Force Awakens knew who Rey’s parents are.

Update (June 12, 8 pm EST):

Here’s Pablo Hidalgo’s sly Twitter reaction to the whole thing:

As mentioned, the ACME he is referring to is ACME Archives, the exclusive publisher of Star Wars art.

And in case anyone’s interested, Stormtrooper Larry has his own masterpiece:

“Star-crossed Lovers at Sunset”

rey skywalker jakkuE-ink on digital canvas, 2016

We accept all major credit cards, sixty portions, or a Hasbro stormtrooper (preferably non-licked).


Shoutout to Reddit user ConOrr as the OP, and Bothan informants WorldDevastator and Dexter Morgan for the tip!

For more Stormtrooper Larry masterpieces, check out our original Rogue One footage before Disney came in and ruined it!

 

Star Wars Episode VIII: Luke’s Robe

Earlier today, Star Wars Episode VIII director Rian Johnson posted a sneak peek of the film’s progress on his Tumblr.

It showed what could possibly be a Jedi robe on Ahch-To:

The home stenchstar wars episode 8 luke robe rian johnson leak

Hoooo boy. Judging by the state of his Ahch-To exile, it seems like ol’ Luke really let himself go after the Jedi massacre. He even has a touching graffiti for his lost students.

Basic hygiene, washing machines… a Jedi craves not these things. But stim spice and death sticks can make you forget anything!

See the original post on Rian Johnson’s Tumblr here.

 

Star Wars Episode VIII: No US Filming

Today, we received this inquiry from one of our readers:

“Do you know they’re going to film all this month in Las Vegas in the desert for Jakku scenes? So do you think this will be the final third act of the film?”

– James Wright, Virginia

James’ belief is a familiar tune.

Last March, it was speculated that Star Wars: Episode VIII will be filming in Las Vegas. Making Star Wars reported that director Rian Johnson and crew were scouting locations west of Las Vegas, ostensibly to represent:

  • the desert landscape of Jakku, or
  • the reported casino scene that Luke and Rey will visit

A number of websites also referenced this tidbit from Clancy Report, a dubious site that didn’t cite any sources for its info:

Writer and director Rian Johnson is said to have personally chosen the location and will need the help of an extraordinarily large number of extras from Las Vegas and the surrounding area.  Reports claim that a big reason in choosing to film in Nevada is that the state has recently been providing significant incentives to production companies that choose to film in their state.

Today, in response to a US fan asking about extras, director Rian Johnson took to Twitter to deny shooting not just in Vegas, but anywhere in the States:

The production epicenter of Star Wars is currently Pinewood Studios in London. Episode VIII is now filming there, while Rogue One will start the reshoots next month. After that, the massive soundstages will be the home of young Han Solo come January.

Some of the work for Episode VIII has been outsourced to Longcross Studios in Surrey, home of the life-size Falcon and Ahch-To set. The Daily Mail and other outlets mistook it for Pinewood, and the set has suffered numerous break-ins from intrepid spies and urban explorers. Also involved in Episode VIII production is Imaginarium Studios, a digital studio specializing in motion-capture scenes founded by Andy Serkis (who also plays Snoke).

Episode VIII was also rumored to be scouting locations in Iceland, as well as caves in Mexico. However, Rian may have resolved the latter by building his own cave/cliff/granite mountainside in Pinewood last week:

A post shared by Rian Johnson (@riancjohnson) on

So no, James from Virginia, it seems like Episode VIII won’t be coming stateside. Though it would be nice if the rumored “binary sunset” scene would be shot in Death Valley, as a throwback to A New Hope!


Can’t wait for Episode VIII? Check out the latest on Rogue One and its mysterious orange crates!