Tag Archives: star wars funny

Awesome First Order Recruitment Leaflet from Mad Magazine!

Would you join a bunch of murderers, traitors and thieves? Or would you rather wear plastic armor and bring order to the galaxy? We don’t know about you, but it definitely won’t be the Resistance scum for Stormtrooper Larry!

The hilarious a-holes behind Mad Magazine just released a recruitment pamphlet for the First Order. Building on the success of their Force Awakens issue last February, the gang of idiots is back with a second helping of Star Wars.

This time, they’re shilling for the “good guys” and their three Ts policy: Terror, Tyranny and Totalitarianism. But they can’t do it without some fresh blaster fodder. Prospective “fear ambassadors” (sounds like a Disney term) will get to chill their ass off in Starkiller Base, enjoy some sun in Jakku, and march along endless gray corridors awaiting rebel saboteurs in the time-honored stormtrooper tradition.

mad magazine first order pamphlet 1.jpg

Exciting activities include carrying out pro-active population control policies, marching in perfect formation, standing around in rows while Kylo Ren makes his grand entrance, and learning how to use one of those “spinny laser-baton thingies”.

You never know when you need to stop a traitor with a lightsaber!

mad magazine first order pamphlet 2

It’s nice to know that health coverage now extends to lightsaber dismemberments, Wookiee dismemberments, and Ewok-related injuries. Unfortunately it seems that most troopers still don’t enjoy free prescription lenses, which account for the majority of missed stormtrooper shots.*

We also get a nice tidbit about the new stormtrooper armor. It’s 3% more effective than before, offering almost 15% greater protection against blaster fire! As long as your serial number isn’t FN-2003….

mad magazine first order pamphlet 3

The Kickstarter is a nice touch. With the fall of the Empire, the new organization had to scrape the funds for their own death ball. And what better way to raise credits than to crowdsource it?

While Jedis don’t crave adventure and excitement, Star Wars fans do. So fuck the light side, go and sign up with the winning side. Join the First Order through Mad Magazine today!

The digital issue is available now, while the printed version will come out on June 14.

*Poor eyesight and helmet design account for 95.5% of all missed blaster shots by stormtroopers, based on an in-depth study pulled from Stormtrooper Larry’s ass.

 

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Lower Standards

Every Saturday, we feature photos of Stormtrooper Larry from the Outer Rim!

episode 8 stormtrooper

After being selected for Basic Training, Stormtrooper EG-N0G was fortunate to join the First Order at the right time.

After the Empire fell, stormtrooper standards are no longer what they used to be.

Star Wars Episode VIII: Photoshopped Leaks!

Now that Star Wars Episode VIII is done filming in Ireland, Stormtrooper Larry can finally share exclusive intel with our loyal readers!

You see, we actually visited the set and took some upclose and never-before-seen spy shots of Episode VIII in Ceann Sibal and Dunmore Head, Ireland!

The crashed ship

On the first day, we managed to catch the “crashed ship” sequence mentioned by the popular Making Star Wars:

episode 8 crash ship.jpg

From this angle, the crashed ship appears to have two wings and a propeller. Maybe Kylo is a fan of vintage ships just like Count Dooku.

And if that’s indeed his ship being surrounded by his Knights of Ren, then he’s just as bad a pilot as his father, who also crashed while making Episode VII.

The tiny Ahch-To ship

Next, we saw this mockup of a tiny ship. But while everyone’s attention was focused on the small prop, we discovered something else. Something so big and obvious we’re surprised no one mentioned it until now:

episode-8-small-ship

Do you see it? It’s so obvious…… the tiny sheep!

Why is Luke’s planet filled with a bunch of sheep? Could they be native life forms? Maybe they’re Luke’s food source, as well as a convenient source of fluffy Jedi robes.

The Jedi temple

Our next stop: the rumored first Jedi Temple. It seems we were wrong all along:

episode 8 first jedi temple.jpg

The first Jedi temple was gaudy, ostentatious and in bad taste. And from the banners on the ramparts, the symbol of the first Jedi order was mouse ears.

We have no idea why they would build their tacky temple on the side of a cliff.

The huge creature

Further down the coast, we managed to sneak a shot of the rumored alien that will figure in the confrontation between Luke, Rey and the Knights of Ren:

episode-8-giant-alien.jpg

It seems to be a new type of creature. At one point, Luke was spotted taking small chunks of its fluffy body and roasting them over a bonfire.

Poor Luke must’ve lost his mind while in exile.

Cast photos

On our last day, we managed to access the set for a few minutes before we were booted out by security. Here’s the only image we got:

episode 8 daisy ridley

That’s Daisy Ridley in full costume. She appears to be talking intently with a new character known only as “Larry”. Rumors say the mysterious character will play her love interest in Episode VIII. Could he be the cameo by Tom Hardy? Whatever the case, we’re sure Larry is a good-looking guy.

Finally, we have this tweet from Director Rian Johnson calling it a wrap:

rian johnson episode 8 leak

Johnson sure has a good eye for spotting talent.

PS: During our stay, a local hobo kept hounding us for change and “a ride off-planet”. Here’s his pic in case anyone knows his family:

episode 8 luke skywalker.jpg

 

Star Wars Episode VIII: Chewie Escapes from Ahch-To to Visit Irish Schoolkids!

While everyone’s focused on the Star Wars Episode VIII shooting in Ireland, one character managed to sneak out of the set to drop by a local school.

Local newspaper The Daily Edge reports that none other than Chewbacca stopped by a primary school in the village of Ballyferriter yesterday. The Wookiee came in full costume straight from the set of Donegal, which is standing in for Luke’s exile planet of Ahch-To.

chewie school visit

While filming builds up to a climax on set, Chewie took the time to mingle with the primary school students, hand out sweets and even learn some Irish!

According to the paper, the surprise visit was sparked by two kids among the class who are huge Star Wars fans. The little rebels took photos of the set from afar, turned them into scrapbooks and gave them to the crew. In return, they got the visit of a lifetime from Chewie!

The seven-and-a-half foot tall Wookiee could be seen playing with the kids and even lifting some of them around, so it probably isn’t the 72-year old Peter Mayhew under the fur.

chewbacca kids ireland

Regardless, the little tykes had an absolute blast during Chewie’s half-hour visit to the school. Poor Wookiee could use a little kid therapy after losing Han to his own godson right?

Maybe we ought to turn all those Episode VIII spy photos into scrapbooks and send them to the filming crew too!

chewbacca ireland

VIDEO: Chewbacca Lady vs. Stormtrooper Larry!

Stormtrooper FU-1287 faces off against the notorious Wookiee impersonator “Chewbacca Mask Lady“, wanted in over twelve Toys R Us systems!

 Check out our Holovids section for more Stormtrooper Larry videos!

Stormtrooper Selection Process

Each Saturday, we bring you snapshots of Stormtrooper Larry from the Outer Rim!

stormtrooperlarry EG-N0GG

Did you know:

Not all new recruits pass through the rigorous training and selection process? Most end up cracking under intense pressure — and only the best and brightest become hardboiled stormtroopers!

 

Find out next week which recruit beats all the others! Meanwhile, check out the rest of our Stormtrooper Snapshots!

VIDEO: The Running Trooper Challenge!

 Stormtrooper Larry takes part in the running man challenge… to the horror of Star Wars characters!

Don’t forget to subscribe for more Stormtrooper Larry videos!