Tag Archives: star wars luke

Hamming it up with Hamill: The Latest on Episode 8’s Luke Skywalker

Last year, the biggest star of The Force Awakens was also the one without any lines — Luke Skywalker. The whole film turned out to be one big hunt for the MIA Jedi master.

So what’s the latest on Mark Hamill, the face of the Star Wars saga? We gathered this week’s news so you don’t have to!

Busy bee

In an interview yesterday with Entertainment Weekly, Mark revealed how busy he was with Star Wars Episode VIII.

“It’s been 6 a.m. calls every morning, and I have another one tomorrow.” In fact, he’s so caught up in the latest installment that he takes a bath way ahead. “I’m taking to showering the night before, so I just roll out of bed 15 minutes before, and then go straight to the studio.”

An unwashed Luke? Stormtrooper Larry can’t help but think of this:

episode 8 luke skywalker

Thankfully, filming for Episode VIII is finally wrapping up, and he can soon let go of his Force beard:

Asked if he had any lines in the movie this time, Mark’s tense response was “I can’t confirm or deny.” He can go toe-to-toe against the Sith, but even Luke Skywalker can’t go against his NDA.

Returning to the US

Despite Episode VIII wrapping up, Mark won’t be able to return stateside just yet.

In the same interview, he revealed he might not make it to this year’s Comic-Con, where he’s supposed to debut his new digital series Pop Culture Quest“It doesn’t look like I’m gonna be able to make it this year, because of the shooting schedule here”, referring to Pinewood Studios in the UK. “I don’t get back until the third week in July.”

Mark has been living on London for the past year. He was required to return to Skellig Michael for the first footage of Episode VIII in November, even before The Force Awakens screened in theaters. By January, principal photography for the sequel was in full swing, and Mark’s been busy ever since.

star-wars-luke-skellig-michael

While the film wraps up this month, he still won’t be able to attend the Comic-Con in July due to Star Wars Celebration. This year’s Celebration will be held in London on July 15, just one week before Comic-Con, hence the reason for not being able to commit to San Diego.

Twitter banter

After working with Episode VIII director Rian Johnson for the past year, it seems he and Mark have a chummy relationship.

After Rian posted his temporary London address on Twitter, Mark replied:

Rian happened to reside in St. Lukes Road, a ritzy place in Notting Hill.

Then the Episode 8 director teased a preview of a Jedi cloak on Twitter to mark the home stretch of the filming:

Mark responded:

Although Stormtrooper Larry knows the truth. Disney ordered that cloak to be reshot after the first one was too gritty:

star wars episode 8 luke robe rian johnson leak

We hope to see an action-packed Mark Hamill in Episode VIII… whether washed or unwashed!

Meanwhile, check out the mysterious licensed Lucasfilm painting entitled “Rey Skywalker”!

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Kylo Ren’s Password Problem

Several years before The Force Awakens…

Young Ben Solo sat cross-legged on the floor. Very carefully, he set down the holocron in front of him and prepared to do his Jedi homework.

Holocrons, or holographic chronicles, were crystal devices that held ancient lessons. Today he was going to learn from the esteemed Master Yoda.

Before Ben could start, his friend Ron poked his head in the doorway. “Hey man, wanna watch some Twi’lek porn with us?”

Ben shook his head. “No thanks, you know we’re not supposed to watch those. Besides, I have homework to do.”

“Suit yourself. Later dude!”

twilek dancers monthly“It’s your loss Ben!”

Ben cleared images of sexy Twi’lek dancers from his mind and activated the holocron. A tiny hologram of Master Yoda appeared.

“Your password you must enter, if you wish to learn.”

On the holographic keyboard, Ben typed:

> crossguardlightsabersarecool

“Expired your password is. Change it you must, from the Sith and the IT department.  Would you like to change it now?”

Ben clicked YES.

“Your new password you will enter.”

> saber

At least 8 characters your password must have.”

> ihavebigsaber

“A capitalized character there should be, for cunning the Sith are.”

> ihavebigBIGsaber

“A number you should include, if you are not a dimwitted Gammorrean. Mmhehehehemmm.”

force-ghost-yoda.jpg“A stupid password that is, like 1234.”

Ben was starting to get pissed.

> ihaveBIGsaber69

“Weak your password is, young padawan. Try again. Mmhehehehemmm.”

> ihaveaBIGfuckingsaber69

“Still weak your password is. Disappointed in you, your father will be. Mmhehehehemmm.”

Ron stuck his head in the doorway again. “Hey bro, we’re gonna Force-torture some mynocks behind the gym. Wanna join?”

Ben screamed. “NO! GET THE FUCK OUT, I’M TRYING TO CONCENTRATE!”

“Geez man, okay.”

Ben Force-slammed the door and typed furiously:

> BIGgoddamnfuckingsaber69!!!!!

“Not allowed special characters are, little nerfbrain. Mmhehehehemmm.”

> BIGgoddamnfuckingsaberwithfuckinglittlecrossguardsabersontheside69

“A mismatch there is. Type your password again, you will mmhehehehemm.”

FUCK!

While the little Yoda hologram was still going “mmhehehehemm”, Ben Force-hurled the holocron against the wall, where it shattered into a million pieces. The lesson was supposed to be Jedi Calm and Patience 101.

Ben buried his face in his hands. He didn’t finish what he started.

Ron cautiously stuck his head in the door again.

“Hey dude, we’re gonna poke around the old Sith ruins in Korriban. Wanna come?”

Ben looked up.

“Yeah, I’m tired of this nerfshit. I could use a break.”

“Awesome! Meet you ’round back in 10.”

Fuck this Jedi shit. Uncle Luke had probably cheaped out again and bought pirated holocrons. While he was off searching for the first Jedi temple (or more likely spending time in the space casino), Ben was studying his ass off in his room.

He figured he deserved to have some fun with the gang. The Knights of Ron and Ben weren’t complete without him.

As Ben left to join his friends, the little Yoda hologram fizzled once before fading out.

“An error there is. Update your holocron to the latest version you should. Mmhehehehemmm.”

yoda laugh.gif“Ads you can remove with the paid version. Mmhehehehemmm.”


Liked this story? Then be sure to read the one about the showdown on Tatooine!

The Saddest Thing about The Force Awakens

Back in the olden days of Return of the Jedi, we were treated to a happy ending.

The second Death Star was destroyed, along with Vader and old man Palpatine. All over the galaxy, repressed citizens crowded the streets in jubilation. The last shot of the original trilogy had the heroes of the Rebellion celebrating while the force ghosts of Ben, Yoda and Hayden Christensen looked on.

Against all odds, the ragtag alliance won the war and ushered in the fall of the Galactic Empire.

returnofthejedix05The last time they will ever be happy together

After all they’ve been through, our heroes earned a well-deserved break, right? The old Expanded Universe thought so.

Luke started a new Jedi Academy, while Han and Leia settled down and pumped out Jedi babies. They had 3 kids, and Luke and his wife Mara Jade had one. Leia later became the New Republic head of state, and Han settled down to a comfortable life while occasionally going on adventures with Chewie and Lando.

With the release of The Force Awakens, the overlords of Disney wiped away all of that.

Instead, thirty years after the fall of the Empire, our heroes were actually worse off than before. Let’s take a look:

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Luke – Tried to start a new Jedi school, but ended up with a wholesale slaughter of his entire student body.

He failed so massively that he fled from the rest of the galaxy. He abandoned even his own sister, best friend, and his loyal droid. And as the opening crawl says, it was in Luke’s absence that the First Order grew stronger and spread tyranny across more worlds.

y

Leia – Once a distinguished Senator, respected warrior, and royalty, she faded into political obscurity. In fact, she was considered a liability by the new government. According to the novelization,

Leia bit down on her lower lip. “So much time has passed. There was a time when they were at least willing to listen. And of course, the Senate’s makeup has changed. Some of those who were always willing to pay attention to me have retired. Some of those who have replaced them have their own agendas.” She smiled ruefully.

There’s even a scene where Leia straight up tells her envoy that if she went personally, something bad might happen to her:

“But why don’t you go yourself, General? An appeal of this nature is always more effective when delivered firsthand.” Leia’s smile thinned. “I might make it to the Senate, yes. I might even be able to deliver my speech. But I would never, never get out of the Hosnian system alive. I would have a terrible ‘accident,’ or become the victim of some ‘deranged’ radical. Or I would eat something that didn’t agree with me. Or encounter someone who didn’t agree with me.”

In short, Leia was coldbloodedly telling someone else to take the risks for her, and being frank about it. Now we know where Kylo Ren got his evil from.

In the end, we have Leia carrying on her lonely fight for freedom, after being abandoned by her husband, son, brother and the galaxy at large.

And what about poor Han Solo? He won the princess, saved the galaxy, and got his precious ship back from a suicide mission.

Thirty years later, he was estranged from his wife, disavowed by his son, lost the Falcon, and went back to his old conman-smuggler routine.

old

And after managing to survive a hand-to-mouth existence, he gets stabbed in the heart with a ragged lightsaber by his own offspring.

Then there’s our beloved droids: C3PO and R2-D2. As usual, nobody listens to Threepio, and nobody even gives a fuck to paint his replacement arm. Meanwhile, Artoo becomes a hermit just like his master — shoved under a dusty tarp in a forgotten corner, he is absent for most of the movie in favor of BB-8.

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And in case you’re wondering about Lando, there’s no mention of him at all. It’s like the Hero of Tanaab and the Guy who Blew Up Death Star II didn’t exist. Maybe he died during a stimspice-and-hooker collision with a star cruiser. Or he got shanked in a dingy casino in Nar Shadaa. That would be the best outcome, so he wouldn’t see how low his friends have sunk.

And you know what? This may actually be better. It means that there is no fairy tale ending, and not everything has to end happily ever after. That is the cold, hard reality not just in the Star Wars universe, but our own. 

Quite a lesson for kids, right?

You might argue that even the old EU had its tragic moments. One of the Solo brats goes dark, the galaxy gets invaded, and Chewie dies. And yet, at the very least our heroes never got sidelined. Luke was still Jedi Master, Leia stayed in the political limelight, and Han was a respected General. And most importantly, they never abandoned each other.

With The Force Awakens, we have a virtual Shakespeare tragedy: an emo recluse who gave up on the galaxy, a faded princess abandoned by her whole family, and an aging con-man back to his old tricks. Each one of them going on their own separate path.

I really hope Lando wasn’t around to see any of that.

starwarsep6_ending“Look at them clueless fools. They have no idea what’s going to happen them.”


Hungry for more Star Wars stuff? Check out the story of stormtrooper FU-1287, and his experience in the raid on Jakku!

Showdown on Sunset Boulevard

He stood in the shadows, waiting.

So far today, he had already dispatched three: one human, one Tydian, and even a droid, an old 2-LOM model. And he had only been trailing the boy for six hours.

Overhead, the twin suns of the desert planet beat down relentlessly. Cloaked figures rushed down shaded avenues to escape the stifling heat. Grimly, he knew that on planets like this, beings tended to stay indoors during the day, and activity tended to pick up at dusk. Three were already down — several more to go at sundown.

One hundred meters away, the subject of his attention turned to look at some useless baubles on a dusty window. The blonde head swung to and fro, like the hyperactive arm of an oscillator set to overdrive. The boy’s wide-eyed innocence at all the things around him was refreshing, if not mildly amusing.

What the boy found fascinating, his watcher considered little more than a hellhole. In fact, just the latest in a series of hellholes he had to live in, after the fall of the old system and the rise of a new order. Mos Etnoh considered itself a cosmopolitan place, with its rundown tourist attractions and “historical” landmarks that were likely put up a fortnight ago. Whereas Mos Espa prided itself on being a gambling zone and home of the Boonta Eve, and Mos Eisley was unabashedly a smuggler’s hive of scum and villainy, Mos Etnoh still clung to its pretensions of being the planet’s cultural center, if ever the world even had one.

Further ahead, a female voice called, calling the boy back to his guardians. The watcher took the opportunity to cross the street, ending in the same dusty window formerly occupied by his charge.

Without meaning to, he caught a glimpse of his reflection: a hooded figure in brown, with a graying beard and the tanned leathery skin of an old desert hand. Had he really aged that much? Even the most brutal years of the Clone Wars did not take such a toll on him.

His musing were cut short by movement to his right. An old Xhillian rushed down the street, muttering about the infernal heat. Xhillians were a long-lived species, easily matching a Hutt. By the mottled gray skin of this one, he was obviously past the 500-year mark. And yet, he moved faster than a newly hatched spawn.

The bearded man pretended to study the same baubles that fascinated the boy, watching the Xhillian’s reflection on the unwashed pane. A moment later, his suspicions proved correct — there was a brief flash of silver on the old being’s sleeve. The split-second glint would have been unnoticeable to most, but not to the watcher. It was the unmistakable silhouette of a holdout blaster.

Slowly he turned. The Xhillian glanced once in his direction before hurrying on, intent on pursuing the same quarry. That was his fatal mistake.

After making sure there were no additional eyes on the street, the watcher lashed out, catching the alien midstride. The blaster, already primed for action, fell from his robe.

The Xhillian’s gray hide briefly flashed yellow in alarm. As the blaster clattered loudly on the ferrocrete, his skin took on a deep crimson red. Anger.

The two figures faced each other in the canyon of the alley: one snarling, the other quietly confident.

In the blink of an eye, the red alien raised his other sleeve, revealing a second holdout blaster. But the tanned human was faster — before the arm was even halfway up, its owner was already embedded with three prongs of a Kamino saberdart, coated with their trademark poison.

The Xhillian fell. The human remained standing over his quickly graying corpse.

The only witness to the duel was a hunched beggar, who quickly learned to look away and mind his own business.

The watcher hurried on to catch the boy. Four down so far, several more to go. Dusk was quickly approaching.

As he moved, he turned to look back at the being whose life he just took. Unlike before, the man no longer felt any pangs of regret, no sudden bouts of conscience in his new role. His head swung back to his fair-haired quarry. The Xhillian was already the past — he had to focus on the present.

As he did, a sudden tingle of alarm gripped him, the same sense that enabled him to survive all throughout the Clone Wars and the turbulent period that followed. There was something familiar about that beggar.

Just as he turned to look, a sudden flash of emerald brilliance bathed the street, before being quickly extinguished. The watcher looked at the cauterized hole on his chest, gasped, and staggered.

A hand steadied him. The old beggar.

“Quietly now, my friend.”

The man looked up at a face much like his own. Graying beard, tanned skin, crisscrossing lines of worry permanently etched by years of hardship and countless battles. But the blazing blue eyes were unmistakable.

The shadows deepened and dusk settled. As his breathing shallowed and faded, the watcher mused on the irony of it all. After three long years, he had finally tracked his ticket to a Core promotion: the rumored son of Skywalker himself. Only to be caught by the boy’s real guardian, a figure who was long thought to be dead. A figure that he had served with during the Clone Wars, no less.

Before he slipped into oblivion, the watcher’s last thought was how bitterly unfair it was that the Emperor or anyone in the ISB would never know what he discovered.

Overhead, the twin suns set. The old beggar blended back in the shadows, as the boy and his adoptive guardians went on their way, across the undulating sands of the Dune Sea.

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