Tag Archives: star wars meme

Star Wars Episode VIII According to a Spambot!

Last time, we looked at the Rogue One visual guide book leak through the eyes of a spambot.

Today, while stuck in a boring synergy meeting, Stormtrooper Larry wandered over to the ol’ spam site again, to see its penetrating insights on Star Wars Episode VIII.

Here’s what we found.

We may well be years clear of the release of Star Wars Episode VIII, however as The Pressure Awakens taught us, that point can fly earlier in no time.

Little is understood approximately what VIII’s tale will cling, however we do recognize that it’s going to pick out up immediately after The Drive Awakens, with Rey having found out Luke Skywalker’s whereabouts, as showed by way of the teaser trailer.

Clearly this bot has memory issues. Which is it: The Pressure Awakens or The Drive Awakens? Next thing you’ll be saying it’s The Exertion Rouses!

star wars force awakens funny

Profound questions

Despite the bot’s dementia, it was insightful enough to ask penetrating questions:

The Drive Awakens left many questions unanswered. Who’s Rey in reality? Is Finn Drive delicate? What is with C-3PO’s pink arm? Why is R2-D2, the bearer of all wisdom who refuses to inform any person anything else, this sort of dick?

So in the intervening years between The Pressure Awakens and Episode VIII, it seems Threepio’s arm has changed from red to pink. That prissy droid changes arms like a handbag.

Forget about whether Finn is Force sensitive… the real question is: is he Drive delicate? And more importantly, why is R2-D2 such a goddawful dick? Those are the hard-hitting questions that fans demand to know, Abrams!

r2d2 funnyI swear Artoo, you’re such a dick!

A pleasurable solution to Rey

Colin Trevorrow, who will probably be directing Episode IX, has already promised us a “profoundly pleasurable” solution to the thriller surrounding Rey’s oldsters.

“Rey is a personality that may be essential on this universe, now not simply within the context of The Pressure Awakens, however in all of the galaxy,” he stated. “She merits it. We’re going to be sure that that solution is one thing that feels love it used to be one thing that came about a very long time in the past, a long way away, and we are simply telling you what came about.”

While we don’t understand a single word about the solution to Rey’s oldsters, we’re thrilled to know it will be a “profoundly pleasurable” one. In fact, we feel a disturbance in the Pressure, as if a million voices sighed with anticipation, from Reywalkers to Reynobis.

Torn between the darkness and the sunshine

The Drive Awakens ended with a wounded Kylo Ren being taken to Very best Chief Snoke to finish his coaching – however what does that imply?

We think one of the most movie will display Luke coaching Rey, reminiscent of his personal coaching from Yoda in The Empire Moves Again. It is going to even be fascinating to peer how Kylo Ren’s personality develops. He simply murdered his personal father, however he is nonetheless conflicted among the darkish aspect and the sunshine – or used to be Han’s dying the general a part of his transition to Sith?

Well if you ask us, Stormtrooper Larry thinks that Ben’s “simple murder” of his personal father cemented him into the darkish part of the Pressure.

We also think that Very best Chief Snoke isn’t a Sith (they became extinct in Recurrence of the Jedi), but that guy surely ain’t part of the sunshine.

kylo ren torn apart funny.gif

Btw, anybody got a copy of The Empire Moves Again?

 

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Father’s Day with Han Solo

Six years before The Force Awakens….

 

Gary the stormtrooper sat sadly in the cantina.

Formerly TK-1287, the retired trooper was having a bad day. He blew what remained of his life savings on a bad bet — he backed the wrong team in the Kessel Races. Now all he had left was a pack of gum and a couple of credits.

Someone took the bar stool next to him, an old smuggler turned race team captain. It was that scoundrel Han Solo.

Gary glanced sideways at him. “That was a bad race man. You shoulda stayed in the smuggling business.”

“The team’s not up to spec today,” Han replied with a trace of irritation. “Do I know you?”

“Yeah man, TK-1287. We captured you back on Cloud City. I was the one who tied you to that torture rack!”

There was an awkward silence.

“If it helps, I backed your team today with my life savings.”

Han nodded. “Yeah? Thanks for the vote of confidence. Lemme buy you a drink.”


Several rounds later….

 

“… we still keep the metal bikini in the closet. So whadya do now?”, asked a heavily drunk Han.

“I’m just a drifter seeing the galaxy. Hic! Didn’t get to see it much during my service,” Gary replied. “So where’s your kid?”

“Jedi school taking after his uncle. More mumbo jumbo an’ handwaving. Never really understood any of it.”

Han looked at his watch. “Shit, I just remembered it’s Father’s Day! I gotta pick him up today, tell him the truth bout his granddad.”

He stood up. “I gotta go. Little snot’s been lookin forward to it for a long time.”

kylo ren sad.gif“Uncle Luke, is dad still coming?”

As Han turned to leave, Gary the stormtrooper stopped him. “You really gonna ditch me man? I’m broke because of your nerf-ass team!”

Han swayed and collapsed back on the stool. “Alright, one more round wouldn’t hurt.”

“Awesome! Forget the little fucker, he’s with Jedi monks now man. I know a good Twi’lek stripclub just ’round the corner. Hic!”

“Fine, lead on buckethead.”

Six years later….

han solo death

 Happy Father’s Day from Stormtrooper Larry! 

VIDEO: The Falcon’s 15-Second Flight

 

What if Rey isn’t as good of a pilot as she thinks she is? We get an alternate ending to The Force Awakens!

Hamming it up with Hamill: The Latest on Episode 8’s Luke Skywalker

Last year, the biggest star of The Force Awakens was also the one without any lines — Luke Skywalker. The whole film turned out to be one big hunt for the MIA Jedi master.

So what’s the latest on Mark Hamill, the face of the Star Wars saga? We gathered this week’s news so you don’t have to!

Busy bee

In an interview yesterday with Entertainment Weekly, Mark revealed how busy he was with Star Wars Episode VIII.

“It’s been 6 a.m. calls every morning, and I have another one tomorrow.” In fact, he’s so caught up in the latest installment that he takes a bath way ahead. “I’m taking to showering the night before, so I just roll out of bed 15 minutes before, and then go straight to the studio.”

An unwashed Luke? Stormtrooper Larry can’t help but think of this:

episode 8 luke skywalker

Thankfully, filming for Episode VIII is finally wrapping up, and he can soon let go of his Force beard:

Asked if he had any lines in the movie this time, Mark’s tense response was “I can’t confirm or deny.” He can go toe-to-toe against the Sith, but even Luke Skywalker can’t go against his NDA.

Returning to the US

Despite Episode VIII wrapping up, Mark won’t be able to return stateside just yet.

In the same interview, he revealed he might not make it to this year’s Comic-Con, where he’s supposed to debut his new digital series Pop Culture Quest“It doesn’t look like I’m gonna be able to make it this year, because of the shooting schedule here”, referring to Pinewood Studios in the UK. “I don’t get back until the third week in July.”

Mark has been living on London for the past year. He was required to return to Skellig Michael for the first footage of Episode VIII in November, even before The Force Awakens screened in theaters. By January, principal photography for the sequel was in full swing, and Mark’s been busy ever since.

star-wars-luke-skellig-michael

While the film wraps up this month, he still won’t be able to attend the Comic-Con in July due to Star Wars Celebration. This year’s Celebration will be held in London on July 15, just one week before Comic-Con, hence the reason for not being able to commit to San Diego.

Twitter banter

After working with Episode VIII director Rian Johnson for the past year, it seems he and Mark have a chummy relationship.

After Rian posted his temporary London address on Twitter, Mark replied:

Rian happened to reside in St. Lukes Road, a ritzy place in Notting Hill.

Then the Episode 8 director teased a preview of a Jedi cloak on Twitter to mark the home stretch of the filming:

Mark responded:

Although Stormtrooper Larry knows the truth. Disney ordered that cloak to be reshot after the first one was too gritty:

star wars episode 8 luke robe rian johnson leak

We hope to see an action-packed Mark Hamill in Episode VIII… whether washed or unwashed!

Meanwhile, check out the mysterious licensed Lucasfilm painting entitled “Rey Skywalker”!

Star Wars Episode VIII: Luke’s Robe

Earlier today, Star Wars Episode VIII director Rian Johnson posted a sneak peek of the film’s progress on his Tumblr.

It showed what could possibly be a Jedi robe on Ahch-To:

The home stenchstar wars episode 8 luke robe rian johnson leak

Hoooo boy. Judging by the state of his Ahch-To exile, it seems like ol’ Luke really let himself go after the Jedi massacre. He even has a touching graffiti for his lost students.

Basic hygiene, washing machines… a Jedi craves not these things. But stim spice and death sticks can make you forget anything!

See the original post on Rian Johnson’s Tumblr here.

 

Lower Standards

Every Saturday, we feature photos of Stormtrooper Larry from the Outer Rim!

episode 8 stormtrooper

After being selected for Basic Training, Stormtrooper EG-N0G was fortunate to join the First Order at the right time.

After the Empire fell, stormtrooper standards are no longer what they used to be.

Star Wars Episode VIII: Photoshopped Leaks!

Now that Star Wars Episode VIII is done filming in Ireland, Stormtrooper Larry can finally share exclusive intel with our loyal readers!

You see, we actually visited the set and took some upclose and never-before-seen spy shots of Episode VIII in Ceann Sibal and Dunmore Head, Ireland!

The crashed ship

On the first day, we managed to catch the “crashed ship” sequence mentioned by the popular Making Star Wars:

episode 8 crash ship.jpg

From this angle, the crashed ship appears to have two wings and a propeller. Maybe Kylo is a fan of vintage ships just like Count Dooku.

And if that’s indeed his ship being surrounded by his Knights of Ren, then he’s just as bad a pilot as his father, who also crashed while making Episode VII.

The tiny Ahch-To ship

Next, we saw this mockup of a tiny ship. But while everyone’s attention was focused on the small prop, we discovered something else. Something so big and obvious we’re surprised no one mentioned it until now:

episode-8-small-ship

Do you see it? It’s so obvious…… the tiny sheep!

Why is Luke’s planet filled with a bunch of sheep? Could they be native life forms? Maybe they’re Luke’s food source, as well as a convenient source of fluffy Jedi robes.

The Jedi temple

Our next stop: the rumored first Jedi Temple. It seems we were wrong all along:

episode 8 first jedi temple.jpg

The first Jedi temple was gaudy, ostentatious and in bad taste. And from the banners on the ramparts, the symbol of the first Jedi order was mouse ears.

We have no idea why they would build their tacky temple on the side of a cliff.

The huge creature

Further down the coast, we managed to sneak a shot of the rumored alien that will figure in the confrontation between Luke, Rey and the Knights of Ren:

episode-8-giant-alien.jpg

It seems to be a new type of creature. At one point, Luke was spotted taking small chunks of its fluffy body and roasting them over a bonfire.

Poor Luke must’ve lost his mind while in exile.

Cast photos

On our last day, we managed to access the set for a few minutes before we were booted out by security. Here’s the only image we got:

episode 8 daisy ridley

That’s Daisy Ridley in full costume. She appears to be talking intently with a new character known only as “Larry”. Rumors say the mysterious character will play her love interest in Episode VIII. Could he be the cameo by Tom Hardy? Whatever the case, we’re sure Larry is a good-looking guy.

Finally, we have this tweet from Director Rian Johnson calling it a wrap:

rian johnson episode 8 leak

Johnson sure has a good eye for spotting talent.

PS: During our stay, a local hobo kept hounding us for change and “a ride off-planet”. Here’s his pic in case anyone knows his family:

episode 8 luke skywalker.jpg

 

VIDEO: Chewbacca Lady vs. Stormtrooper Larry!

Stormtrooper FU-1287 faces off against the notorious Wookiee impersonator “Chewbacca Mask Lady“, wanted in over twelve Toys R Us systems!

 Check out our Holovids section for more Stormtrooper Larry videos!

Stormtrooper Selection Process

Each Saturday, we bring you snapshots of Stormtrooper Larry from the Outer Rim!

stormtrooperlarry EG-N0GG

Did you know:

Not all new recruits pass through the rigorous training and selection process? Most end up cracking under intense pressure — and only the best and brightest become hardboiled stormtroopers!

 

Find out next week which recruit beats all the others! Meanwhile, check out the rest of our Stormtrooper Snapshots!

VIDEO: The Running Trooper Challenge!

 Stormtrooper Larry takes part in the running man challenge… to the horror of Star Wars characters!

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